sometimes it's just too late
Title: Too late
Author: dark-spryte
Pairing: Akame rabu~ <3 Except not.
Rating: PG-13 for language
A/N: As usual, the words just flow whenever I'm on a deadline. Too bad it's nothing actually related to the work I have to do. There is no happy ending because (1)this is a drabble that doesn't make sense, (2)I didn't feel like and (3)it would be terribly predictable if it did.
They’ve been in the shop for almost an hour now. Koki taps his foot against the floor with uncharacteristic impatience.
Kame puts the item he was looking at back on the shelf, glances at Koki with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Why don’t you just talk to him?” Koki says finally.
The automatic response is on his lips. “Like that’s going to help.”
Koki rolls his eyes and mutters, “Like spending hours shopping in the same shop is going to help.”
Kame ignores him and wishes he never spilled his guts to Koki. Because then he could just pretend that he really likes this shop. And he wasn’t there because this was where Jin had bought Kame his wristband.
Akanishi, he reminds himself. Not Jin.
It feels pathetically painful even in his head.
Kame’s driving because Koki never bought a car. It doesn’t matter who drives in the end though, because they never reach their destination. The rain is coming down in torrents and Koki is complaining about Kame taking hours to shop and never actually buying anything and the last thing Kame remembers is the screeching of tires as he swerves a sharp right and blinding flashes of the lights of the oncoming traffic.
He hears voices. He’s not quite sure if they’re in his head or not. Probably something his mind made up. For a moment he thinks he hears Jin’s voice. But then the overwhelming darkness consumes him again.
There are no voices this time. Just soft music. He can feel hands around his own. He wants desperately to open his eyes. But it takes too much effort.
He falls back into the darkness.
The first thing he sees is the white of the ceiling. He doesn’t think he’s in heaven, because that’s just plain silly. But he does feel so very alone when he wakes up and no one is in the hospital room.
“I could have gone home by myself, you know?” Kame complains. Only for the sake of complaining, because he’s secretly happy that Nakamaru and Koki at least, doesn’t seem to have changed.
Maru heaves Kame’s bag out of the car and they walk up to Kame’s flat. Koki’s hands are slung loosely over his shoulders. “You were hurt so much worse than me, so shut up and let us baby you,” Koki scolds. His tone is affectionate.
“I still can’t believe it.” Kame says to himself.
“Three whole months. The fans went absolutely nuts.” Nakamaru adds.
Koki nods empathically. “Everyone came to see you when you were in hospital.” He laughs. “It was like a mini JE gathering.”
Kame can’t quite believe this. “Everyone?” he echoes blankly.
“Yeah, even-“
Maru coughs and Koki shuts up, looking like he swallowed a golf ball.
Kame stares at them.
“Come on, let’s get you briefed on tomorrow’s schedule. You have a million press conferences to attend,” Maru says finally.
The flashlights go off again at the last news conference for the day. Kame idly wonders when he will stop seeing his face on magazines and the news. Maybe tragedy just stays in people’s minds longer.
Ueda smiles encouragingly at him. Koki is acting like a hyperactive bunny again. Kame tries not to think about the fact that the seat next to him is empty.
“Where’s Akanishi?” he asks finally.
Because he’s tired of not asking questions. He’s tired of pretending everything’s okay. Where is KAT-TUN’s A now that their K has returned? Does Jin really hate him so much?
T-TUN looks around at each other. Kame feels the distinct urge to shout.
There’s just something so very wrong.
It’s not complete, this picture.
It is Maru who finally answers. “He’s been suspended.”
Kame can’t quite believe his ears.
He’s standing on the front porch of a door he never expected to see again. And he can’t quite bring himself to press the red button.
Just as he’s contemplating leaving, the door swings open and Ryo’s surprised face appears in the doorway.
“Kamenashi?”
Kame wonders for a wild moment if perhaps Ryo doesn’t know he’s finally discharged from the hospital. But that’s ridiculous.
“Is Akanishi in?” He feels stupid for asking. This is Jin’s house after all.
Ryo nods mutely.
“I was just leaving. Are you… you’ll be okay?” Kame wonders why it is that everyone seems to think leaving him and Jin alone for more than ten seconds will cause the earth to explode.
“I’m not going to kill him.” And it doesn’t even sound like a joke coming from Kame.
The room is dark. And Jin is sitting so far away from him he can’t quite his face from the shadows.
“You’re back.” Kame is mildly surprised that Jin breaks the silence first.
“You’re gone.” Kame points out in return.
Jin says nothing.
“Why?” What happened?
There was no answer. Kame sighs, frustrated. “They said you kept drinking. And partying. And you didn’t even sing anymore. Your heart wasn’t into it. What the fuck? Are you really not interested in KAT-TUN anymore?”
There was a shift in the shadows. For a moment Kame thinks he’s not going to get any answer either. But then Jin steps out of the shadows.
Kame very nearly gasps.
This isn’t the Jin he knew. Hair unruly. Dark circles under his eyes.
“Get out.”
Kame finds himself angry again. “Do you really hate me that much? Am I really the problem? You can’t be in KAT-TUN if I’m in it too?”
This time he does gasp when Jin breaches the gap between them and grips his wrist. It’s painful the way Jin’s fingers snake around his wrist. He feels like it might break. He looks up at Jin and forgets what he wants to say.
“Do you know what it feels like to see you lying on that bed every day?” Jin’s voice is quiet, broken. “I kept calling you. Telling you to wake up. But you wouldn’t open your eyes. I tried telling you I was sorry. But it didn’t matter. I couldn’t think about anything except the fact that you could possibly lie there forever. And now you’re here and you have the gall to ask me why?”
Kame thinks his heart might be breaking too. “I thought you hated me.”
Jin’s eyes are hard. “I hated you. I still do.”
Kame tries to remember how to breathe. It’s difficult. The air is too thick and it feels like his lungs have constricted.
“I hate how stupid you are. How blind you can be. You’ve never cared about anything besides work. You’ve never tried to be yourself. You’ve never tried to let yourself live as anything but JE’s robot. You’ve never let anyone get close. You’ve never let yourself feel.” Jin is still holding Kame’s wrist. “I hated you for hurting me.”
Why is it that this feels like the end? Everything Jin says is like a slap to his face.
He chokes. “I’m sorry-“
“Prove it.”
Kame doesn’t know how to. He stares at Jin and wishes he did.
The sound of rain continues outside.
Sometimes it’s just too late to change things.
~fin~
Author: dark-spryte
Pairing: Akame rabu~ <3 Except not.
Rating: PG-13 for language
A/N: As usual, the words just flow whenever I'm on a deadline. Too bad it's nothing actually related to the work I have to do. There is no happy ending because (1)this is a drabble that doesn't make sense, (2)I didn't feel like and (3)it would be terribly predictable if it did.
They’ve been in the shop for almost an hour now. Koki taps his foot against the floor with uncharacteristic impatience.
Kame puts the item he was looking at back on the shelf, glances at Koki with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.
“Why don’t you just talk to him?” Koki says finally.
The automatic response is on his lips. “Like that’s going to help.”
Koki rolls his eyes and mutters, “Like spending hours shopping in the same shop is going to help.”
Kame ignores him and wishes he never spilled his guts to Koki. Because then he could just pretend that he really likes this shop. And he wasn’t there because this was where Jin had bought Kame his wristband.
Akanishi, he reminds himself. Not Jin.
It feels pathetically painful even in his head.
Kame’s driving because Koki never bought a car. It doesn’t matter who drives in the end though, because they never reach their destination. The rain is coming down in torrents and Koki is complaining about Kame taking hours to shop and never actually buying anything and the last thing Kame remembers is the screeching of tires as he swerves a sharp right and blinding flashes of the lights of the oncoming traffic.
He hears voices. He’s not quite sure if they’re in his head or not. Probably something his mind made up. For a moment he thinks he hears Jin’s voice. But then the overwhelming darkness consumes him again.
There are no voices this time. Just soft music. He can feel hands around his own. He wants desperately to open his eyes. But it takes too much effort.
He falls back into the darkness.
The first thing he sees is the white of the ceiling. He doesn’t think he’s in heaven, because that’s just plain silly. But he does feel so very alone when he wakes up and no one is in the hospital room.
“I could have gone home by myself, you know?” Kame complains. Only for the sake of complaining, because he’s secretly happy that Nakamaru and Koki at least, doesn’t seem to have changed.
Maru heaves Kame’s bag out of the car and they walk up to Kame’s flat. Koki’s hands are slung loosely over his shoulders. “You were hurt so much worse than me, so shut up and let us baby you,” Koki scolds. His tone is affectionate.
“I still can’t believe it.” Kame says to himself.
“Three whole months. The fans went absolutely nuts.” Nakamaru adds.
Koki nods empathically. “Everyone came to see you when you were in hospital.” He laughs. “It was like a mini JE gathering.”
Kame can’t quite believe this. “Everyone?” he echoes blankly.
“Yeah, even-“
Maru coughs and Koki shuts up, looking like he swallowed a golf ball.
Kame stares at them.
“Come on, let’s get you briefed on tomorrow’s schedule. You have a million press conferences to attend,” Maru says finally.
The flashlights go off again at the last news conference for the day. Kame idly wonders when he will stop seeing his face on magazines and the news. Maybe tragedy just stays in people’s minds longer.
Ueda smiles encouragingly at him. Koki is acting like a hyperactive bunny again. Kame tries not to think about the fact that the seat next to him is empty.
“Where’s Akanishi?” he asks finally.
Because he’s tired of not asking questions. He’s tired of pretending everything’s okay. Where is KAT-TUN’s A now that their K has returned? Does Jin really hate him so much?
T-TUN looks around at each other. Kame feels the distinct urge to shout.
There’s just something so very wrong.
It’s not complete, this picture.
It is Maru who finally answers. “He’s been suspended.”
Kame can’t quite believe his ears.
He’s standing on the front porch of a door he never expected to see again. And he can’t quite bring himself to press the red button.
Just as he’s contemplating leaving, the door swings open and Ryo’s surprised face appears in the doorway.
“Kamenashi?”
Kame wonders for a wild moment if perhaps Ryo doesn’t know he’s finally discharged from the hospital. But that’s ridiculous.
“Is Akanishi in?” He feels stupid for asking. This is Jin’s house after all.
Ryo nods mutely.
“I was just leaving. Are you… you’ll be okay?” Kame wonders why it is that everyone seems to think leaving him and Jin alone for more than ten seconds will cause the earth to explode.
“I’m not going to kill him.” And it doesn’t even sound like a joke coming from Kame.
The room is dark. And Jin is sitting so far away from him he can’t quite his face from the shadows.
“You’re back.” Kame is mildly surprised that Jin breaks the silence first.
“You’re gone.” Kame points out in return.
Jin says nothing.
“Why?” What happened?
There was no answer. Kame sighs, frustrated. “They said you kept drinking. And partying. And you didn’t even sing anymore. Your heart wasn’t into it. What the fuck? Are you really not interested in KAT-TUN anymore?”
There was a shift in the shadows. For a moment Kame thinks he’s not going to get any answer either. But then Jin steps out of the shadows.
Kame very nearly gasps.
This isn’t the Jin he knew. Hair unruly. Dark circles under his eyes.
“Get out.”
Kame finds himself angry again. “Do you really hate me that much? Am I really the problem? You can’t be in KAT-TUN if I’m in it too?”
This time he does gasp when Jin breaches the gap between them and grips his wrist. It’s painful the way Jin’s fingers snake around his wrist. He feels like it might break. He looks up at Jin and forgets what he wants to say.
“Do you know what it feels like to see you lying on that bed every day?” Jin’s voice is quiet, broken. “I kept calling you. Telling you to wake up. But you wouldn’t open your eyes. I tried telling you I was sorry. But it didn’t matter. I couldn’t think about anything except the fact that you could possibly lie there forever. And now you’re here and you have the gall to ask me why?”
Kame thinks his heart might be breaking too. “I thought you hated me.”
Jin’s eyes are hard. “I hated you. I still do.”
Kame tries to remember how to breathe. It’s difficult. The air is too thick and it feels like his lungs have constricted.
“I hate how stupid you are. How blind you can be. You’ve never cared about anything besides work. You’ve never tried to be yourself. You’ve never tried to let yourself live as anything but JE’s robot. You’ve never let anyone get close. You’ve never let yourself feel.” Jin is still holding Kame’s wrist. “I hated you for hurting me.”
Why is it that this feels like the end? Everything Jin says is like a slap to his face.
He chokes. “I’m sorry-“
“Prove it.”
Kame doesn’t know how to. He stares at Jin and wishes he did.
The sound of rain continues outside.
Sometimes it’s just too late to change things.
~fin~