Relaxed
I feel sort of relaxed. This weekend I've decided I'm gonna use friday and saturday to chillax. I went to the library to browse for graphic novels and read and ate pizza. I've been taking St. John's Wort and I guess I feel a tinsy bit different. I feel like I can focus a little bit more in class (as in thoughts in the back of my head that yell "I want to kill myself" or "I want to run away." or about me killing someone else. Well, the thought of running away is still in my head because of all the pressure and expectations. Plus measuring up to others (as in other girls at school) is something I HATE cause I know I still don't measure up!!! But I have to accept being petite (cause I will most likely be this way forever.
Back to topic, the pills I take have a strong after taste when I swallow them and then take a breath. Then, my right eye began hurting a lot when I walked ouside because it was bright outside. I'm hoping it was just my imagination. But the one thing I hate so much is when I take them, I feel a tightening in my chest for about an hour. But I think It's worth it. I hide some pills in my backpack and take them to school so I can have my second or third dosage. One of my friends caught me taking one and I told them it was pain killers. I wish I could tell them the truth but I know how some of them can be. Some of them would think of me as a drugy. Others would think I've gone officially psycho. And others would just spread the word to other people. I don't want that. I wish I could trust at least one of my friends to be really really close to them.
But for now, I'll be the pessimistic friend who manages to complete almost every assignment and who worries about her friends and almost everything else. They think they've seen me really sad before but they don't know my other side to my personality.
Back to topic, the pills I take have a strong after taste when I swallow them and then take a breath. Then, my right eye began hurting a lot when I walked ouside because it was bright outside. I'm hoping it was just my imagination. But the one thing I hate so much is when I take them, I feel a tightening in my chest for about an hour. But I think It's worth it. I hide some pills in my backpack and take them to school so I can have my second or third dosage. One of my friends caught me taking one and I told them it was pain killers. I wish I could tell them the truth but I know how some of them can be. Some of them would think of me as a drugy. Others would think I've gone officially psycho. And others would just spread the word to other people. I don't want that. I wish I could trust at least one of my friends to be really really close to them.
But for now, I'll be the pessimistic friend who manages to complete almost every assignment and who worries about her friends and almost everything else. They think they've seen me really sad before but they don't know my other side to my personality.