(no subject)
So lets see...I'm sick thought I had a hangover haha surprise I didn't. Well I might have, but that's not why I feel like I do now, hurray I caught whatever Mark had last week! At least I have tomorrow off, I do need to get tires and do some laundry though hope I feel good enough to get out and take care of those annoying chores. Oh yes and mail my student loan payment hahaha yippie. I don't want to be a grown up anymore I want to have no bills, no tires to buy...oh wait no I take it back it's ok being grown up.
You know I wonder how it is that people get married young and stay married, I know lots of people who get married young are divorced by the time they're my age, but there are those people who stay together. Are they just the lucky ones that as they grow and change they still maintain similar outlooks, goals, and attractions? Or are they the people you see who never really matured, maybe some of each? The past few weeks I've been thinking a lot about that, I changed and Justin and I broke up. I can say oh it was my fault if I hadn't cheated on him we'd be getting married, but the thing is I changed. A year ago I'd have laughed if you said I'd do what I did, right now I can't see myself cheating if I were in a relationship, but for about 60 days I was capable and didn't see it in the same way I did, or do. Feeling like you have to experiance things, be with different people, I remember the days when I felt like that. I remember that feeling, feeling like you couldn't be with just one person, feeling confused and so on. I also know that for me the results of that brought both a lot of pain, and also an amazing amount of good. What about just being tired of being with one person, tired of putting up with just not getting along, but still caring deeply for eachother.
I've only been in love once, but I have loved others, cared deeply for them. Being in love is amazing, well I might say twice, although the first person I would say I was in love with was a very young love, very different, the thought of him still makes me feel good, warm, excited, funny after all these years I am still so content when I think about him. He was the first boy I cried over, before him I just never saw the point, but even then I had a comforting awareness that this was part of life, and I was learning and it was amazing, it inspired me to be more, to do more. And of course I was in love with Justin, I still care very much for him I think I always will.
Anyway it's just weird sometimes to think about that stuff. I wonder about myself too, I mean we all know I have issues, but I wonder do I want to be single because I don't want to worry about anyone but me, be able to go out with whoever I want and not question whether it crosses that line, or am I just scared of getting hurt again, or is it because I enjoy sex more when it doesn't have to mean anything, when I can just be the girl who'll give you what you want just don't call me for a while haha, I really don't have the answer. I know no one likes to get hurt, I also know that when I think about it there isn't a single guy that I've met so far that I can see myelf giving up what I have now and committing too, and I do not want to get sucked into anything like I let myself get sucked into before! Oh well
Well off to bed to rest my achy body and hopefully feel better in the morning woohoo
You know I wonder how it is that people get married young and stay married, I know lots of people who get married young are divorced by the time they're my age, but there are those people who stay together. Are they just the lucky ones that as they grow and change they still maintain similar outlooks, goals, and attractions? Or are they the people you see who never really matured, maybe some of each? The past few weeks I've been thinking a lot about that, I changed and Justin and I broke up. I can say oh it was my fault if I hadn't cheated on him we'd be getting married, but the thing is I changed. A year ago I'd have laughed if you said I'd do what I did, right now I can't see myself cheating if I were in a relationship, but for about 60 days I was capable and didn't see it in the same way I did, or do. Feeling like you have to experiance things, be with different people, I remember the days when I felt like that. I remember that feeling, feeling like you couldn't be with just one person, feeling confused and so on. I also know that for me the results of that brought both a lot of pain, and also an amazing amount of good. What about just being tired of being with one person, tired of putting up with just not getting along, but still caring deeply for eachother.
I've only been in love once, but I have loved others, cared deeply for them. Being in love is amazing, well I might say twice, although the first person I would say I was in love with was a very young love, very different, the thought of him still makes me feel good, warm, excited, funny after all these years I am still so content when I think about him. He was the first boy I cried over, before him I just never saw the point, but even then I had a comforting awareness that this was part of life, and I was learning and it was amazing, it inspired me to be more, to do more. And of course I was in love with Justin, I still care very much for him I think I always will.
Anyway it's just weird sometimes to think about that stuff. I wonder about myself too, I mean we all know I have issues, but I wonder do I want to be single because I don't want to worry about anyone but me, be able to go out with whoever I want and not question whether it crosses that line, or am I just scared of getting hurt again, or is it because I enjoy sex more when it doesn't have to mean anything, when I can just be the girl who'll give you what you want just don't call me for a while haha, I really don't have the answer. I know no one likes to get hurt, I also know that when I think about it there isn't a single guy that I've met so far that I can see myelf giving up what I have now and committing too, and I do not want to get sucked into anything like I let myself get sucked into before! Oh well
Well off to bed to rest my achy body and hopefully feel better in the morning woohoo