(no subject)
I've met many people since finding the Nexus. Some think I am a heartless monster who doesn't deserve a second chance. Others accept what I have done and seem to want to help. But I cannot help feeling that something is lacking. That A part of me is missing. Since relinquishing the Dark Side, I've been feeling inexplicably weaker. Like my source of power is gone. I don't know what is happening ot me.
Padmé has been a great source of comfort, and she says she has forgiven me. I'm grateful for that, But what I wonder is, can I ever forgive myself? Like Mara Jade said, I keep seeing the faces of all the innocents I've killed, waiting on the other side of the Force. Waiting for me to join them. I cannot get them out of my mind. It's as if, they want to torment me until I become like them. I am afraid to sleep now.
Today I went to the ruins of the Jedi Temple and collected the ashes of the younglings. It still makes me uneasy to think of what I became at Sidious' hand. That's why I know I have to become stronger. So that something like that will never happen again, and one day I will kill Sidious.
I tried to awhile ago, but I was badly wounded. Invoke, Akane and the reborn Padmé have tried to dissuade me from going up against Sidious again, but my mind is made up. I will train and become strong enough to kill him. One day, years from now, we will meet again, and it will be the last time, for one of us.
I can only hope that one day I can find peace, and redemption, and can live with my wife and children, undisturbed...
Padmé has been a great source of comfort, and she says she has forgiven me. I'm grateful for that, But what I wonder is, can I ever forgive myself? Like Mara Jade said, I keep seeing the faces of all the innocents I've killed, waiting on the other side of the Force. Waiting for me to join them. I cannot get them out of my mind. It's as if, they want to torment me until I become like them. I am afraid to sleep now.
Today I went to the ruins of the Jedi Temple and collected the ashes of the younglings. It still makes me uneasy to think of what I became at Sidious' hand. That's why I know I have to become stronger. So that something like that will never happen again, and one day I will kill Sidious.
I tried to awhile ago, but I was badly wounded. Invoke, Akane and the reborn Padmé have tried to dissuade me from going up against Sidious again, but my mind is made up. I will train and become strong enough to kill him. One day, years from now, we will meet again, and it will be the last time, for one of us.
I can only hope that one day I can find peace, and redemption, and can live with my wife and children, undisturbed...