It shouldn't be this hard....
I printed out the letter to Shawn Michael and I am sitting here staring at it. I absolutely can not fold it and put it in the envelope. I am scared to death. Gretchen says it goes back to the abandonment issue, but he's not abandoning me, is he? Yeah, I guess he already did and I just have to make the choice to protect myself. I honestly didn't believe I would have this much problems sending this letter though. It is soooo final. I have never told someone to get out of my life before. I've let them leave on their own, but never told them to leave. I just have to do it. I have to take this step. It's towards a healthier me, isn't it? God this is so hard. I wish I would have been strong enough to not let him come back into my life to begin with. I hate being weak. I hate feeling like I am turning my back on someone. I hate the feeling of loneliness I have by doing this. I hate the fact that this is giving me a headache.