Why I Feel This Way - 11/17
Title: Why I Feel This Way
Rating: R
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine
Spoilers: AU
Warnings: Pet!Blaine, typos and grammatical errors
Summary: Sequel to " Man's Best Friend" which you should definitely read first. After being reunited with Blaine, Kurt is beyond ecstatic, but life with pet turned lover in the Big Apple isn't exactly what Kurt had hoped for.
When Kurt felt more himself and less like a coffee house scone, he made his way to the kitchen to make supper for the three of them. Blaine was quick to join him, obviously craving his company after enduring an afternoon of his absence. Kurt opening the refrigerator and gave it a contemplative once over before deciding on what they would eat for supper. Deciding on stuffed peppers, he pulled three red peppers out of the crisper and set them on the counter.
“You can wash these peppers,” he directed Blaine.
The command was simple to make it easier for Blaine to pull out words he recognized. Kurt watched Blaine out of the corner of his eye while he pretended to concentrating on his rifling in the fridge. It was obvious the wheels in Blaine’s head were turning as he picked up a red pepper and stared at it. Finally, he connected the dots and took the peppers over to the sink to wash them. Kurt had quickly pulled out some leeks, shallots, and garlic from the fridge by the time Blaine had finished.
“Good,” said Kurt, grinning at Blaine. “Thank you, Blaine. You can wash these, too.”
Kurt handed him the shallots and leek before getting a cutting board out and working at carefully cutting away the top stems of the peppers and removing their seeds. He sliced a thin segment from the bottom of the peppers so they could stand upright and then placed them in a casserole dish. Blaine had finished washing and was watching Kurt with interest. It gave Kurt an idea.
“We need to chop these up,” said Kurt pointing at the leeks and shallots Blaine had set back down on the counter.
He placed them on the cutting board and began chopping them very slowly so Blaine could see what he was doing.
“Like this,” said Kurt as he slid the knife through the vegetables a few more times before setting it down and motioning Blaine closer. “Your turn.”
Blaine gave Kurt a nervous look before gingerly reaching for the knife. Kurt held his breath as Blaine awkwardly held the hand in his right hand and rolled a leek into position on the cutting board. He sliced through it and then looked up at Kurt for confirmation. Kurt grinned at him and nodded. Blaine smiled nervously and looked back down at the cutting board. He cut a few more segments of the leek before looking back at Kurt again.
“Good,” said Kurt, nodding. “Keep going.”
Kurt showed him to turn the knife and cut the segments a second time so they would be cut into small enough pieces for the stuffed peppers. He left Blaine to continue cutting the leeks and shallots by himself. He was slow and awkward at it. Kurt probably would have had everything properly cut by then, but Blaine was learning which made Kurt happy to indulge him the time.
Kurt pulled out a can of corn from the cupboard and a few other items before placing a frying pan on the stove. Humming a song to himself as he worked, Kurt happily listened to the sound of Blaine chopping at the counter behind him. This could work. Blaine could learn simple tasks like this and they could work together making meals or cleaning house or whatever and it could feel domestic. Kurt felt his heart swell in his chest at the thought. Blaine was so smart for a tasker. Suddenly, he was pulled from his daydreams. He turned sharply when he heard the knife clatter to the counter.
“Blaine?” he questioned as he stepped across the small kitchen.
Blaine looked up at him with big hazel eyes and a bewildered expression. He turned his eyes back to the cutting board and Kurt followed his gaze to see large red droplets spreading across the damp plastic.
“Blaine!” gasped out Kurt, quickly reaching for Blaine’s hand. “Lemmesee!”
He grabbed Blaine by the wrist and turned his hand over to check the damage. It was hard to discern the depth or size of the cut because of the amount of blood. Kurt pulled Blaine over to the sink and turned on the cold water. Blaine let out a sudden hiss, his mystified expression turning to one of pain as the cold water made contact with his cut. He tried to pull his hand out from under the water but Kurt held it there.
“I’m so sorry, Blaine,” exclaimed Kurt as he watched red swirl with the water in the bottom of the sink. “I shouldn’t have had you use the knife.”
Kurt stretched his body to reach for the paper towel with his free hand without letting go of Blaine’s wrist. He pulled Blaine’s hand out from the stream and quickly pressed the paper towel over the cuts. Blaine winced at the pressure but let him. Kurt was about to reach to turn off the water when Rachel’s hand appeared in his view to do just that.
“Is he alright?” she asked after turning off the tap.
“I think it is just a small cut,” answered Kurt in a shaky voice as he watched the paper towel slowly begin to colour.
“Go patch him up, I’ll deal with dinner,” commanded Rachel with a soft smile before turning from them to take control of the kitchen.
“Thanks,” said Kurt before leading Blaine out of the room.
He could feel tears prickling in his eyes as he directed Blaine into the bathroom and had him sit down on the closed lid of the toilet. He pulled the paper towel away from Blaine’s fingers to look at the four cuts that connected in a straight line across the tops of his fingers just below their first knuckles. They weren’t very deep; Blaine probably pulled the knife away fairly quickly at the initial sensation.
“G*d, Blaine,” sighed out Kurt in a choked voice. “You have to be more careful.”
Kurt opened the mirror covered medicine cabinet over the sink and pulled out a box of band-aids. He knelt on the floor in front of Blaine and set to work wrapping a small adhesive bandage around each of Blaine’s injured digits. When he was done he leaned his forehead against Blaine’s knee and let out a shaky breath. He stayed in that position for a while just willing himself to breathe. Blaine wasn’t hurt that badly, but Kurt’s excited thoughts of how things could be were shattered.
“I’m sorry, Blaine,” said Kurt when he finally found his voice again. “None of this is fair to you.”
His shoulders shook a little with soundless sobs as he worked to hold them in. Nothing was working. How was it supposed to? Kurt, ever the romantic, had somehow convinced himself that this could work if he just loved hard enough. Despite all the odds being against them, Kurt had just known they were meant to be together, that it would work... they would find ways to make it work. But it wasn’t working. Blaine was so different. Even though the awkward walls that had been keeping them from each other had been knocked down by an impromptu bath make-out session, things still weren’t how they were before. Reality was hitting hard and relentless. There was no future with Blaine, how could there be?
Kurt’s eyes welled up with tears when he felt Blaine’s hands cup both sides of his face. He looked up as Blaine guided his head up from his knees and ducked to make eye contact. Blaine’s brow was furrowed in concern, a frown marring the features of his sweet face. A few soft sobs escaped from Kurt’s throat and Blaine quickly moved to engulf him in a tight hug.
“What are we going to do, Blaine?” asked Kurt through his bitter tears.
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It had taken Kurt a few minutes of being held and rocked by Blaine before he had his wits about him enough to leave the bathroom. The stuffed peppers were in the oven and Rachel was cleaning up the kitchen when they returned.
“How is your hand?” asked Rachel, reaching for Blaine.
She clicked her tongue when she saw the four band-aids. Kurt frowned miserably.
“Oh well,” she said allowed Blaine his hand back. “Accidents happen and now you know... knives are sharp.”
Rachel grinned at Blaine as she said the last three words in an exaggerated tone as if they had just discovered a well-kept secret. Kurt wanted to roll his eyes but his face wasn’t really cooperating with him yet and he didn’t want the attempt at movement to result in more waterworks.
“Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes, or so,” she said and then began pushing Blaine lightly toward the living room.
She sat him on the couch and turned on the television with the remote control before placing it in Blaine’s hands.
“Thank you for helping with dinner, Blaine,” she said brightly. “Now, you just relax and Kurt and I will set the table.”
She turned from Blaine, then, and regarded Kurt who was still standing in the dining room.
“Help me set the table,” she said before whisking past him to start getting out the plates in the kitchen.
“Err... okay,” answered Kurt wondering what she was up to.
“Don’t even pretend for one minute that you didn’t just spend the last fifteen minutes crying in the bathroom,” she whispered at him as she placed the stack of three plates in his hands.
Kurt remained silent as he held the plates, a defiant look crossing his face. Rachel gave him an exasperated look as she placed a handful of cutlery on top of the plates he was holding.
“Tell me what’s going on,” she demanded.
Kurt sighed.
“I had a realization, I guess,” he answered dejectedly.
“About you and Blaine?” she asked, reaching on tippy toes to pull down three wine glasses from the top shelf of the cabinets.
“About me and Blaine,” confirmed Kurt.
Kurt followed Rachel as she left the kitchen to set the wineglasses down on the dining table. Silently, Kurt set out the plates and arranged the forks and knives around them. He looked up when he felt Rachel’s accusing eyes on him.
“What?” he asked.
“Are you going to tell me about it?” asked Rachel impatiently.
“No,” replied Kurt.
Rachel let out a huff of air in frustration.
“Kurt, need I remind you that...” she began to rant in a way that was much more like the Rachel he grew up with.
“Rachel, stop,” Kurt sighed. “I realized that this thing with Blaine isn’t going to work, okay?”
Kurt’s fragile brave face began to crumble as he spoke almost as fast as Rachel’s expression of annoyance changed to sympathy.
“Oh, Kurt,” she exhaled, quickly moving around the table so she could throw her arms around his neck.
Kurt let out a watery hiccup that was half sob and half laugh.
“It isn’t the end of the world, Rachel,” he tried.
But Rachel shook her head and just held him for a few beats longer.
“I didn’t really know Blaine when I said those things, you know,” said Rachel, squeezing him tighter before letting go and pulling back. “I’ve gotten to know him a bit better recently and... Kurt... he’s really special.”
“I know,” whispered Kurt. “That’s why I can’t hurt him with this.”
“It’s a little late for that,” replied Rachel with a frown.
Kurt grimaced.
“What are you going to do?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” said Kurt, turning away from Rachel’s face. “Maybe Dad would take him. He could help him in the shop.”
“Kurt,” said Rachel.
The stern lilt of her voice caused Kurt to turn and blink at her.
“You’re freaking out because Blaine cut himself,” she deadpanned. “Everyone has cut themselves when cutting vegetables at least once in their life. He’s learning and he’ll continue to learn if you just give him the chance.”
“Of course,” replied Kurt. “I taught him to do an oil change back in high school; I know he can learn, Rachel.”
“So, what is this?” asked Rachel gesturing vaguely towards him. “And who were you out with the other night? What’s going on in that fabulous head of yours?”
“I don’t know,” replied Kurt in a frustrated hiss of breath. “I don’t know.”
“Well, figure it out,” she replied firmly. “Without taking it out on Blaine.”
Kurt’s mouth dropped open at Rachel’s words. He remained stationary as he watched her head back into the kitchen to check on the food. He shut his mouth with an audible clank and glowered at the place she had been standing seconds before. She thought he was being selfish. He clenched his teeth. How dare she judge him for this? This was a really hard position to be in. He’d like to see her manage it in his place with any more grace.
“Dinner’s ready,” Rachel called out moments later in a faux light-hearted tone.
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That night Kurt fell asleep with Blaine curled up next to him.
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The next morning Kurt got up early for his second shift of training at Cafe Noir. He had a quick shower, meticulously shaved and moisturized his face, and, after getting dresses, set to work styling his hair. It was freeing to go through such routine-like motions where he didn’t have to think. He ate cold cereal with milk and an orange for breakfast. He thought about making himself a cup of coffee but decided he really didn’t need to considering he was about to spend the morning in a coffee shop. He hoped he wouldn’t tire of the smell of coffee from his time working there.
Rachel was just coming out of her bedroom with a folded towel under one arm after finishing her routine morning exercise-bike ride. She flashed him a bright smile which he grudgingly returned.
“I’m headed to work,” he said as he continued on his way to the entry to slip on his shoes and grab his bag.
“Have fun,” replied Rachel brightly before disappearing into the bathroom to shower.
He trusted her to feed Blaine who still hadn’t gotten out of bed, the lazy ass. Kurt smiled softly at the mental picture of Blaine pulling the blankets into another cocoon now that he had the bed to himself. He pulled open the apartment door and stepped out, ready for his second shift as a barista in training.
Rating: R
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine
Spoilers: AU
Warnings: Pet!Blaine, typos and grammatical errors
Summary: Sequel to " Man's Best Friend" which you should definitely read first. After being reunited with Blaine, Kurt is beyond ecstatic, but life with pet turned lover in the Big Apple isn't exactly what Kurt had hoped for.
When Kurt felt more himself and less like a coffee house scone, he made his way to the kitchen to make supper for the three of them. Blaine was quick to join him, obviously craving his company after enduring an afternoon of his absence. Kurt opening the refrigerator and gave it a contemplative once over before deciding on what they would eat for supper. Deciding on stuffed peppers, he pulled three red peppers out of the crisper and set them on the counter.
“You can wash these peppers,” he directed Blaine.
The command was simple to make it easier for Blaine to pull out words he recognized. Kurt watched Blaine out of the corner of his eye while he pretended to concentrating on his rifling in the fridge. It was obvious the wheels in Blaine’s head were turning as he picked up a red pepper and stared at it. Finally, he connected the dots and took the peppers over to the sink to wash them. Kurt had quickly pulled out some leeks, shallots, and garlic from the fridge by the time Blaine had finished.
“Good,” said Kurt, grinning at Blaine. “Thank you, Blaine. You can wash these, too.”
Kurt handed him the shallots and leek before getting a cutting board out and working at carefully cutting away the top stems of the peppers and removing their seeds. He sliced a thin segment from the bottom of the peppers so they could stand upright and then placed them in a casserole dish. Blaine had finished washing and was watching Kurt with interest. It gave Kurt an idea.
“We need to chop these up,” said Kurt pointing at the leeks and shallots Blaine had set back down on the counter.
He placed them on the cutting board and began chopping them very slowly so Blaine could see what he was doing.
“Like this,” said Kurt as he slid the knife through the vegetables a few more times before setting it down and motioning Blaine closer. “Your turn.”
Blaine gave Kurt a nervous look before gingerly reaching for the knife. Kurt held his breath as Blaine awkwardly held the hand in his right hand and rolled a leek into position on the cutting board. He sliced through it and then looked up at Kurt for confirmation. Kurt grinned at him and nodded. Blaine smiled nervously and looked back down at the cutting board. He cut a few more segments of the leek before looking back at Kurt again.
“Good,” said Kurt, nodding. “Keep going.”
Kurt showed him to turn the knife and cut the segments a second time so they would be cut into small enough pieces for the stuffed peppers. He left Blaine to continue cutting the leeks and shallots by himself. He was slow and awkward at it. Kurt probably would have had everything properly cut by then, but Blaine was learning which made Kurt happy to indulge him the time.
Kurt pulled out a can of corn from the cupboard and a few other items before placing a frying pan on the stove. Humming a song to himself as he worked, Kurt happily listened to the sound of Blaine chopping at the counter behind him. This could work. Blaine could learn simple tasks like this and they could work together making meals or cleaning house or whatever and it could feel domestic. Kurt felt his heart swell in his chest at the thought. Blaine was so smart for a tasker. Suddenly, he was pulled from his daydreams. He turned sharply when he heard the knife clatter to the counter.
“Blaine?” he questioned as he stepped across the small kitchen.
Blaine looked up at him with big hazel eyes and a bewildered expression. He turned his eyes back to the cutting board and Kurt followed his gaze to see large red droplets spreading across the damp plastic.
“Blaine!” gasped out Kurt, quickly reaching for Blaine’s hand. “Lemmesee!”
He grabbed Blaine by the wrist and turned his hand over to check the damage. It was hard to discern the depth or size of the cut because of the amount of blood. Kurt pulled Blaine over to the sink and turned on the cold water. Blaine let out a sudden hiss, his mystified expression turning to one of pain as the cold water made contact with his cut. He tried to pull his hand out from under the water but Kurt held it there.
“I’m so sorry, Blaine,” exclaimed Kurt as he watched red swirl with the water in the bottom of the sink. “I shouldn’t have had you use the knife.”
Kurt stretched his body to reach for the paper towel with his free hand without letting go of Blaine’s wrist. He pulled Blaine’s hand out from the stream and quickly pressed the paper towel over the cuts. Blaine winced at the pressure but let him. Kurt was about to reach to turn off the water when Rachel’s hand appeared in his view to do just that.
“Is he alright?” she asked after turning off the tap.
“I think it is just a small cut,” answered Kurt in a shaky voice as he watched the paper towel slowly begin to colour.
“Go patch him up, I’ll deal with dinner,” commanded Rachel with a soft smile before turning from them to take control of the kitchen.
“Thanks,” said Kurt before leading Blaine out of the room.
He could feel tears prickling in his eyes as he directed Blaine into the bathroom and had him sit down on the closed lid of the toilet. He pulled the paper towel away from Blaine’s fingers to look at the four cuts that connected in a straight line across the tops of his fingers just below their first knuckles. They weren’t very deep; Blaine probably pulled the knife away fairly quickly at the initial sensation.
“G*d, Blaine,” sighed out Kurt in a choked voice. “You have to be more careful.”
Kurt opened the mirror covered medicine cabinet over the sink and pulled out a box of band-aids. He knelt on the floor in front of Blaine and set to work wrapping a small adhesive bandage around each of Blaine’s injured digits. When he was done he leaned his forehead against Blaine’s knee and let out a shaky breath. He stayed in that position for a while just willing himself to breathe. Blaine wasn’t hurt that badly, but Kurt’s excited thoughts of how things could be were shattered.
“I’m sorry, Blaine,” said Kurt when he finally found his voice again. “None of this is fair to you.”
His shoulders shook a little with soundless sobs as he worked to hold them in. Nothing was working. How was it supposed to? Kurt, ever the romantic, had somehow convinced himself that this could work if he just loved hard enough. Despite all the odds being against them, Kurt had just known they were meant to be together, that it would work... they would find ways to make it work. But it wasn’t working. Blaine was so different. Even though the awkward walls that had been keeping them from each other had been knocked down by an impromptu bath make-out session, things still weren’t how they were before. Reality was hitting hard and relentless. There was no future with Blaine, how could there be?
Kurt’s eyes welled up with tears when he felt Blaine’s hands cup both sides of his face. He looked up as Blaine guided his head up from his knees and ducked to make eye contact. Blaine’s brow was furrowed in concern, a frown marring the features of his sweet face. A few soft sobs escaped from Kurt’s throat and Blaine quickly moved to engulf him in a tight hug.
“What are we going to do, Blaine?” asked Kurt through his bitter tears.
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It had taken Kurt a few minutes of being held and rocked by Blaine before he had his wits about him enough to leave the bathroom. The stuffed peppers were in the oven and Rachel was cleaning up the kitchen when they returned.
“How is your hand?” asked Rachel, reaching for Blaine.
She clicked her tongue when she saw the four band-aids. Kurt frowned miserably.
“Oh well,” she said allowed Blaine his hand back. “Accidents happen and now you know... knives are sharp.”
Rachel grinned at Blaine as she said the last three words in an exaggerated tone as if they had just discovered a well-kept secret. Kurt wanted to roll his eyes but his face wasn’t really cooperating with him yet and he didn’t want the attempt at movement to result in more waterworks.
“Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes, or so,” she said and then began pushing Blaine lightly toward the living room.
She sat him on the couch and turned on the television with the remote control before placing it in Blaine’s hands.
“Thank you for helping with dinner, Blaine,” she said brightly. “Now, you just relax and Kurt and I will set the table.”
She turned from Blaine, then, and regarded Kurt who was still standing in the dining room.
“Help me set the table,” she said before whisking past him to start getting out the plates in the kitchen.
“Err... okay,” answered Kurt wondering what she was up to.
“Don’t even pretend for one minute that you didn’t just spend the last fifteen minutes crying in the bathroom,” she whispered at him as she placed the stack of three plates in his hands.
Kurt remained silent as he held the plates, a defiant look crossing his face. Rachel gave him an exasperated look as she placed a handful of cutlery on top of the plates he was holding.
“Tell me what’s going on,” she demanded.
Kurt sighed.
“I had a realization, I guess,” he answered dejectedly.
“About you and Blaine?” she asked, reaching on tippy toes to pull down three wine glasses from the top shelf of the cabinets.
“About me and Blaine,” confirmed Kurt.
Kurt followed Rachel as she left the kitchen to set the wineglasses down on the dining table. Silently, Kurt set out the plates and arranged the forks and knives around them. He looked up when he felt Rachel’s accusing eyes on him.
“What?” he asked.
“Are you going to tell me about it?” asked Rachel impatiently.
“No,” replied Kurt.
Rachel let out a huff of air in frustration.
“Kurt, need I remind you that...” she began to rant in a way that was much more like the Rachel he grew up with.
“Rachel, stop,” Kurt sighed. “I realized that this thing with Blaine isn’t going to work, okay?”
Kurt’s fragile brave face began to crumble as he spoke almost as fast as Rachel’s expression of annoyance changed to sympathy.
“Oh, Kurt,” she exhaled, quickly moving around the table so she could throw her arms around his neck.
Kurt let out a watery hiccup that was half sob and half laugh.
“It isn’t the end of the world, Rachel,” he tried.
But Rachel shook her head and just held him for a few beats longer.
“I didn’t really know Blaine when I said those things, you know,” said Rachel, squeezing him tighter before letting go and pulling back. “I’ve gotten to know him a bit better recently and... Kurt... he’s really special.”
“I know,” whispered Kurt. “That’s why I can’t hurt him with this.”
“It’s a little late for that,” replied Rachel with a frown.
Kurt grimaced.
“What are you going to do?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” said Kurt, turning away from Rachel’s face. “Maybe Dad would take him. He could help him in the shop.”
“Kurt,” said Rachel.
The stern lilt of her voice caused Kurt to turn and blink at her.
“You’re freaking out because Blaine cut himself,” she deadpanned. “Everyone has cut themselves when cutting vegetables at least once in their life. He’s learning and he’ll continue to learn if you just give him the chance.”
“Of course,” replied Kurt. “I taught him to do an oil change back in high school; I know he can learn, Rachel.”
“So, what is this?” asked Rachel gesturing vaguely towards him. “And who were you out with the other night? What’s going on in that fabulous head of yours?”
“I don’t know,” replied Kurt in a frustrated hiss of breath. “I don’t know.”
“Well, figure it out,” she replied firmly. “Without taking it out on Blaine.”
Kurt’s mouth dropped open at Rachel’s words. He remained stationary as he watched her head back into the kitchen to check on the food. He shut his mouth with an audible clank and glowered at the place she had been standing seconds before. She thought he was being selfish. He clenched his teeth. How dare she judge him for this? This was a really hard position to be in. He’d like to see her manage it in his place with any more grace.
“Dinner’s ready,” Rachel called out moments later in a faux light-hearted tone.
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That night Kurt fell asleep with Blaine curled up next to him.
--------------------------------------------------------
The next morning Kurt got up early for his second shift of training at Cafe Noir. He had a quick shower, meticulously shaved and moisturized his face, and, after getting dresses, set to work styling his hair. It was freeing to go through such routine-like motions where he didn’t have to think. He ate cold cereal with milk and an orange for breakfast. He thought about making himself a cup of coffee but decided he really didn’t need to considering he was about to spend the morning in a coffee shop. He hoped he wouldn’t tire of the smell of coffee from his time working there.
Rachel was just coming out of her bedroom with a folded towel under one arm after finishing her routine morning exercise-bike ride. She flashed him a bright smile which he grudgingly returned.
“I’m headed to work,” he said as he continued on his way to the entry to slip on his shoes and grab his bag.
“Have fun,” replied Rachel brightly before disappearing into the bathroom to shower.
He trusted her to feed Blaine who still hadn’t gotten out of bed, the lazy ass. Kurt smiled softly at the mental picture of Blaine pulling the blankets into another cocoon now that he had the bed to himself. He pulled open the apartment door and stepped out, ready for his second shift as a barista in training.