fic - putting my heart back together 4/4
Title: Putting my heart back together. 4/4
Author: dare_to_dream06
Characters: Jared/Jensen
Word count: 3,643
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Crazy angst. And boy kissing. And Sex! =)
Authors Notes: I needed me some hurty!Jensen, which turned into some hurty!Jensen AND hurty!Jared AND some confused!Mackenzie on the side. If you’ve read the others then you know that all came into place somehow and now it’s time to fix the boys. Jensen and Jared’s POV.
I know I told some of you that this isn't going to be the final chapter BUT I liked the way it ended, so I'm going to leave it here. THOUGH I am going to post an epilogue so it's almost like a fifth chapter, right? How y'all aren't to dissappointed.
*snuggles you all*
Summary: After Jared walked out on him with no reason, no confrontation, no signs and Jensen’s been broken for a year, with help from Mac can Jared fix him or are things too shattered to be glued back together?
1 | 2 | 3
COMMENTS MAKE ME DANCE! *grins*
ps. I just wanted to thank ahora_11 =) once again for being the most amazing beta eva! =) ♥
It’s been two long years since the end of Supernatural. Two years that seem like forever ago.
A year since ‘The Incident’. A year since his heart was ripped out of his chest.
One week and one day since he listened to that message. The one that made him break down all over again.
And twelve hours since Jared has come tumbling back into his life.
Jensen wakes up when the warmth that’s been settled on top of him shifts and disappears. He groans and turns towards the outside of the couch trying to follow the heat, when he feels something being draped over him. He’s in that half conscious state of mind that makes him feel groggy. As he shifts around he can feel a sharp pain in his neck and back, probably from the way he slept. He blinks his eyes slowly open, feels how swollen they are and squints against the harsh light filtering in through his living room window. He blinks once, twice... then he remembers.
Remembers the eleven long months when things were so broken.
Remembers the phone calls he made, trying his best to figure out what happened.
Remembers the shattered feeling he’d get, like a piece of him was missing, every time he thought back to that horrible day.
Remembers that message, the way he hadn’t been expecting it.
Remembers watching Jared walk up his front steps and knock at the door.
Remembers the familiar feeling of Jared’s body against his.
Remembers the kisses, the tears and the feeling of being whole.
Remembers that he never wants to go through that again.
He shifts, looks around the room and panic starts to settle in the pit of his stomach. Jared, where’s Jared? He sits up on the couch and grasps the blanket tight. It must have been too good to be true. Jared must have realized why he left in the first place and suddenly felt like he didn’t belong.
Jensen can feel the stinging behind his eyes and closes them tight not wanting to do this again. He brings his knees up to his chest, settles himself in the corner of the couch and pulls the blanket up around him further, burries his face in it.
It still smells like him.
He’s startled when a hand rests on his shoulder, warm, comforting. “Jen, what’s wrong?” He snaps his eyes open, looking blurrily into the soft brown eyes he’s missed so much.
“Jared.” He chokes out. “I thought you left.” He whispers and averts his gaze.
“Jen.” Jared shifts, sits on the couch next to him then pulls Jensen against him so his head is resting against Jared’s shoulder. “Never. Okay? Never again. I’m here.”
Jensen lets his fears die down as they sit there, curled into each other. He thinks back to the day he found the note.
Remembers how angry he’d been, how pissed off he was to see that. Jared just left, he left! Walked away, just like that.
Remembers how the paper felt as he crumpled it in his hand. Remembers the feeling of hot tears running down his face.
Remembers how he felt every time his calls went to voice mail.
The anger he felt that day comes back, seeps into his bones and curls around what’s left of his shattered heart. He needs to know why. Why did Jared leave him? What happened to make him go and leave Jensen so broken?
Why?!
He pulls away from Jared sucks in a sharp breath and stands up. Paces back and forth, ignores the concerned “Jen?” beside him.
“Why Jared?” He forces out, still pacing. “Why the hell did you leave me like that?” He stops in front of Jared hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. “Why the fuck did you leave me?”
He knows he’s yelling, he just can’t bring himself to care right now. He watches as Jared’s eyes glaze over, sees the regret and longing shining in them.
“I can explain...” Jared says, moves his gaze to his hands resting in his lap.
“Explain?” Jensen spits, like venom. “Yeah an explanation would be real good right about now!”
“You’re not going to like it and you’re probably-”
“Just fucking say it already? Okay, just say it. Do you know how long I’ve waited for you to come back to me!? Do you know how fucking broken that note left me? Do you?” Jared looks up at Jensen for a split second then back down. Jensen turns away then, walks towards the window and stands with his back to Jared, arms folded. “Do you have any idea what that did to me when you left? How broken I was?” His voice cracks with the threat of emotions trying to escape. “I deserve this much Jared. I deserve to know why!”
“Jensen-” Jared’s standing behind him, he can feel Jared’s hand hovering just behind his back, uncertain, afraid. He doesn’t turn around, bites his tongue willing his emotions to calm down, feels Jared’s hand move away. “I didn’t want to leave.” Jared’s crying now. Jensen can tell by the way his voice wavers, the slight hitch in his breath. “Why do you think I left you that note? Why do you think I told you I loved you over and over the night before? I was trying my best to say goodbye without saying goodbye.”
Jared steps closer to him. Jensen can feel the heat radiating off his bare skin and seeping into his own. He tries to stay strong, he doesn’t want to crumble, not like he did last night. He needs to stay strong for himself, for all those months that he couldn’t. “Why?” He says again, his voice firm.
“Your father.”
Jensen head spins at those words. “My father?” He says it like it’s the most ridiculous thing in the world, like he’s never heard something more crazy. What did his father have anything to do with this? He turns around, eyebrows drawn together, looks deep into Jared’s eyes searching for anything that might give him a clue.
Jared takes a small step back, like he’s expecting Jensen to hit him and continues. “Jensen, I know you’re probably really confused and you’re wondering what your father has to do with me leaving but, I just- I need to get the whole story out for you to understand, okay?” Jensen nods, his anger dissipated and replaced with curiosity and confusion.
They sit on the couch, Jared’s almost shaking. Jensen doesn’t speak once while Jared’s explaining himself. He waits until Jared looks at him for a reaction. Jared explains to him what happened that day at Jensen’s parents house. He tells Jensen about the ‘orders’ Jensen’s father gave him. Explains how torn up he was about it, if he should leave or just ignore what Alan had said. Jensen’s hands clench into fists where they rest on his thighs.
His father has always been like a walking bible, preaching the laws of the church. That’s why it was such a surprise when his father had accepted his news so easily. Jensen’s brows draw together as he thinks back to the day Jared’s talking about, tries to remember what happened before they left his house.
He was in the kitchen with his brother and sister, waiting for Jared to come down stairs with his bags. Mac was sitting at the table with him and Josh was fiddling around in the fridge. Jensen couldn’t remember a day when he was happier. He was smiling to himself when he felt Mac touch his hand and shake him out of his little world.
When he glanced up at her, she was smiling a knowing smile that made Jensen blush. “You two are cute together.” She said and Jensen looked down at his hands again and laughed at how girly he was becoming.
“Yeah.”
Josh was making kissy faces at him from the other side of the kitchen. “Shut up Josh. I may be gay but I can still kick your ass.”
That earned him a snort from his older brother as he said “You wish.”
They settled back in a comfortable silence. He heard his mama talking to his dad in the other room and was glad things went over so well with his parents. He couldn’t believe the luck he had. He expected his mama to be a little shook up and he thought his dad would have banished him from the house. Sure his mama needed time to adjust to the new information, but his dad... he didn’t show the least bit of disapproval.
His mama came into the kitchen then and motioned them into the living room, said it was more comfortable in there and they had a brief conversation about random things. Jensen could remember wondering where his dad had gotten off to when Jared had come into the room, looking a little pale but Jensen thought nothing of it.
“Ready to go?” Jensen had asked and Jared just nodded. They said their goodbyes to his family and then they were on their way.
On their way to the airport Jared held his hand in a near death grip while they were sitting in the cab and he had barely said two words since they left his parents house.
“He said that to you?” Jensen sat on his couch, staring wide eyed at Jared and Jared nodded, silent tears running down his face.
Jensen looked deep into Jared’s eyes. He knew he believed him. This was Jared, there was no way he couldn’t believe him. But the honesty and fear shining through those eyes had Jensen regretting ever thinking Jared would do something to hurt him, purposely.
They sat there for a while in silence until Jared composed himself enough to tell Jensen the rest of his story.
He told Jensen about Mac. About the phone calls and the anger she felt towards him. How the phone calls ended up being pleas, asking Jared to tell her what happened.
Jared told Jensen about Mac’s last phone call. How she explained that she knew what happened, that her father had told her. The way she help Jared realize that he needed to get Jensen back before it was too late. Jensen didn’t know anything about that. Had no idea his little sister went out of her way to try to bring them back together.
Everything suddenly fell into place.
The uncharacteristic silence Jared has shown after they got home. The way he explained it as jet leg and said he’d feel better after a nap.
The two weeks after they got back from their trip. The way Jared would look at Jensen with this wistful look, all sad eyes and blank face. Telling Jensen every chance he got that he loved him.
The night before he left. The way Jared had taken everything slow, mapping out Jensen’s body almost like he was memorizing it, like he needed it imbedded in his memory. The slow thrusting, soft caressing, long passionate kisses and the way he held Jensen tight afterwards spooned up behind him.
As Jensen thought back to that night, the night before Jared left he could remember feeling something warm and wet sliding down the back of his neck right before he fell asleep to Jared’s whispered ‘I love you’s.
It was Jared’s way of saying goodbye. His way of saying ‘I’m sorry.’
“I didn’t want to Jen.” Jared said between sobs. “I didn’t. I-”
Jensen doesn’t wait for the rest of whatever Jared was going to say, he pulls Jared to him, wraps his arms around Jared’s neck and kisses him with all he has. Jared’s breath hitches and he pushes himself closer to Jensen. He opens his mouth up, granting access to Jensen’s searching tongue.
Jensen does his best to stay attached to Jared as he pulls himself off the couch, leading Jared into his bedroom. They stumble down the hall kissing and touching, whispering into each others mouths.
Jensen’s bed is just how he left it, hasn’t slept in it since Jared left, he moved himself to the guest bedroom. When Mac came to visit, she changed the sheets and stayed in Jensen’s bed because he refused to sleep in it. Too many memories, too much pain.
But now... now he has Jared.
They fall onto the bed in a tangle of limbs pushing at each others jeans, needing to feel that familiar skin-on-skin they’ve missed out on these last months.
When they’re finally naked, Jared laying beneath Jensen, time seems to slow down. Jared lays below him, eyes filled to the brim with tears, just staring into his eyes. They start a slow rocking motion with their hips, never breaking eye contact.
Jensen rocks against Jared and Jared curves his hips upward to meet Jensen, just needing the reassurance that they’re here, together. They continue this until they’re practically panting into each others mouths. Jared wraps his legs around Jensen’s hips and curls his arms around Jensen’s neck, when Jensen rolls onto his back pulling Jared on top of him.
Jared gasps at the sudden change in position and looks at Jensen questioningly “M-make love to me Jay. I-I need you...” Jensen whispers and Jared’s taken aback for a moment. For the whole nine months when they were together, Jensen had never once, not once asked to bottom. Jared had always been more then willing to have Jensen buried deep inside him.
“Jen. You’ve never... are you... sure?” Jared asks because he wants to make sure this is something Jensen wants, not something he’s going to do just because they’re together again.
“Y-yes! I-“ Jensen reaches down and wraps a hand around Jared’s cock, gasps at the familiar weight settled in this hand again.“I need to feel you. Never wanted anyone more then you...uggnn... need to feel you in me, need to know you’re here.”
Jared’s heart swells in his chest at Jensen’s request. He knows that doing this is a huge step for Jensen, knows that this is the ultimate trust factor in renewing their old relationship. Jensen’s giving a piece of himself to Jared that he’s never given anyone else and Jared’s determined to make this good for Jensen. He needs to make up for lost time, make sure Jensen knows he’s here to stay as long as Jensen’s willing to have him.
Jared leans down and burries his face in the side of Jensen’s neck and inhails the musky scent that is purely Jensen. Jared bats Jensen’s hand away from his cock and takes over, this time grasping both of their cocks and making them slip slide against each other.
Jensen reaches over in the side table and pulls out a condom and some lube as Jared shakes his head. “No, no condom, just wanna feel you. Just you.”
“But-” Jensen starts off, only for Jared to shake his head again and interrupt him.
“No one. No one since you Jen. Just you.” Jensen’s breath catches at Jared words. Feels his heart grow impossibly bigger just knowing that Jared hasn’t been with anyone since they were together. Of course Jensen hasn’t been with anyone either, couldn’t bare sliding into anyone else who wasn’t Jared.
Jensen reaches up and wraps his hand around Jared’s neck, pulls him down and smashes their lips together. They kiss and thrust into Jared’s fist until Jensen’s so on edge he doesn’t think he can handle much more. “N-nnnggg.” Jensen thrusts up hard once more before pushing the lube into Jared’s hand. “Now Jay, need you.”
Jared accepts the lube and abandons his grip on their cocks. He scoots back and pushes Jensen’s legs apart more to give him better access so he doesn’t hurt Jensen. He slicks up one finger and trails it around Jensen’s entrance, waits for Jensen to cool down a bit. Then slowly pushes in while at the same time bending his head down to wrap his lips around the head of Jensen’s cock.
Jensen moans and bucks at the unexpected heat surrounding his cock and whimpers when Jared’s tongue snakes out to slip along the slit, sucking hard on the head and then flicking his tongue along the ridge, Jared knows just what to do to make Jensen fall apart. Jensen’s hand come to rest almost automatically in Jared’s shaggy mop of hair, not pulling or tugging, but massaging his scalp, just the way Jared likes it.
Jared moans around Jensen’s cock, hips jutting against the bed when Jensen trails his fingers down over Jared’s ear to trace the shell and run feather light touches against the side of his neck. Jared has this spot right behind his ear that drives him crazy and Jensen wants to be able to feel Jared loose control too.
Jared’s got three fingers working in and out of him now, Jensen’s too far gone to even feel the burn of Jared stretching him. He bucks his hips which makes him slip down further onto Jared’s fingers, just as Jared swallows Jensen down to the hilt. Jensen pulls at Jared hair a little and cries out at the unexpected pleasure when Jared rubs a finger against his prostate.
Jensen’s bucking against Jared’s fingers and thrusting up into Jared’s warm mouth, lost in sensation. Jared slowly pulls up off of Jensen’s cock and slinks up Jensen’s body. He pulls his fingers out of Jensen and starts to slick up his cock quickly, missing the feel of Jensen clamping down around him.
Jared stuffs a pillow underneath Jensen’s hips and pulls him closer, positioning the tip if his cock at Jensen’s entrance. Just as he’s pushing forward he leans down and captures Jensen’s whimpered cries with his lips.
Jensen’s shaking from the sheer sensation of having Jared pushing into him, just a few days ago he thought he’d never see Jared again but now he’s welcoming the burn of being stretched by him. Jared pulls back from the kiss to look at Jensen’s face, making sure there’s no pain etched in his features. He never wants to hurt Jensen more then he already has, never wants him to feel that kind of pain ever again.
“Jen. O-open your eyes... need you to... look at me.” Jensen wasn’t even aware that he’d shut his eyes until Jared spoke. He snaps his eyes open, focuses on Jared’s face hovering above him. Jared’s all the way in now but he’s not moving. “This okay?”
Jensen nods not trusting his voice. They wait a beat, two, three then Jared’s moving slowly. Jensen gasps as Jared slips back in just as slowly brushing very gently against his prostate, not nearly hard enough. He keeps a slow pace for another few thrusts, Jensen’s wiggling his hips and pulling gasps and whines from Jared’s throat trying to get Jared to move more quickly.
Jared starts to speed up his thrusts, pushing into Jensen and then back out again until only the head of his cock is buried inside then slams back in. Jared takes Jensen’s ankles in his hands and kneels up, brings Jensen’s legs up to rest on his shoulders and slides his hands down Jensen’s legs, moving his hips at an erratic pace.
Jensen’s whimpering and moaning Jared’s name over and over. Jared pulls Jensen’s hips closer to him, angling his thrusts up just a fraction and hitting Jensen’s prostate on every other thrust.
“Shit... fucking... God, Jay!” Jensen grasps his cock and starts tugging furiously, feeling his orgasm building in the pit of his stomach.
Jared speeds up his thrusts, pushing Jensen’s legs off his shoulders and dropping down crashing their mouths together, slipping his tongue along Jensen’s and nibbling on his lower lip. Jared trails kisses over Jensen jaw and down his neck and when Jensen feels him suck a bruise into the skin there he arches his back off the bed and then he’s coming. Thick, hot ropes splashing against both their chests, covering his hand. He rubs the head of his cock against Jared’s abs as he rides out his orgasm, chanting Love you Jay. Love you, love you over and over.
That does it for Jared, the feeling of Jensen’s cock sliding against his stomach and Jensen’s broken words sends him over the edge and he’s crying out “Love you so much Jen” as he stiffens and shoots his load deep inside Jensen’s tight, wet, heat.
Jared slows his thrusts down to almost nothing, riding out the pleasure wave until he can’t move anymore and just collapses on top of Jensen, while they try to catch their breath.
Jensen wraps his hands around Jared’s back, stroking ever so slowly, feels a smile spread across his lips. Jared shifts and pulls out of Jensen slowly, but doesn’t move to the side. Instead he slides down Jensen’s body, trailing kisses along the way, he licks the come off of Jensen’s chest and Jensen moans as he watches Jared lick him clean.
“Fuck.” Jensen’s cock gives a half hearted twitch and Jared smiles against the skin on Jensen’s belly. He moves back up Jensen’s body and smiles down at him, earning himself an answering smile from Jensen.
Jared moves to the side and pulls Jensen to him, he wraps his arm around Jensen’s shoulders and buries his face in Jensen’s hair.
They stay like that for what seems like forever, Jensen feels himself dozing off and feels Jared’s arms tighten around him. “I’m never gonna let you go Jen. Never again.” Jensen’s too tired to respond so he just lays there and listens to Jared’s whispered promises. “Missed you so much. I love you.” He says it in the smallest voice Jensen’s ever heard and Jensen tightens his arms around Jared before sleep tugs him under.
EPILOGUE
Author: dare_to_dream06
Characters: Jared/Jensen
Word count: 3,643
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Crazy angst. And boy kissing. And Sex! =)
Authors Notes: I needed me some hurty!Jensen, which turned into some hurty!Jensen AND hurty!Jared AND some confused!Mackenzie on the side. If you’ve read the others then you know that all came into place somehow and now it’s time to fix the boys. Jensen and Jared’s POV.
I know I told some of you that this isn't going to be the final chapter BUT I liked the way it ended, so I'm going to leave it here. THOUGH I am going to post an epilogue so it's almost like a fifth chapter, right? How y'all aren't to dissappointed.
*snuggles you all*
Summary: After Jared walked out on him with no reason, no confrontation, no signs and Jensen’s been broken for a year, with help from Mac can Jared fix him or are things too shattered to be glued back together?
1 | 2 | 3
COMMENTS MAKE ME DANCE! *grins*
ps. I just wanted to thank ahora_11 =) once again for being the most amazing beta eva! =) ♥
It’s been two long years since the end of Supernatural. Two years that seem like forever ago.
A year since ‘The Incident’. A year since his heart was ripped out of his chest.
One week and one day since he listened to that message. The one that made him break down all over again.
And twelve hours since Jared has come tumbling back into his life.
Jensen wakes up when the warmth that’s been settled on top of him shifts and disappears. He groans and turns towards the outside of the couch trying to follow the heat, when he feels something being draped over him. He’s in that half conscious state of mind that makes him feel groggy. As he shifts around he can feel a sharp pain in his neck and back, probably from the way he slept. He blinks his eyes slowly open, feels how swollen they are and squints against the harsh light filtering in through his living room window. He blinks once, twice... then he remembers.
Remembers the eleven long months when things were so broken.
Remembers the phone calls he made, trying his best to figure out what happened.
Remembers the shattered feeling he’d get, like a piece of him was missing, every time he thought back to that horrible day.
Remembers that message, the way he hadn’t been expecting it.
Remembers watching Jared walk up his front steps and knock at the door.
Remembers the familiar feeling of Jared’s body against his.
Remembers the kisses, the tears and the feeling of being whole.
Remembers that he never wants to go through that again.
He shifts, looks around the room and panic starts to settle in the pit of his stomach. Jared, where’s Jared? He sits up on the couch and grasps the blanket tight. It must have been too good to be true. Jared must have realized why he left in the first place and suddenly felt like he didn’t belong.
Jensen can feel the stinging behind his eyes and closes them tight not wanting to do this again. He brings his knees up to his chest, settles himself in the corner of the couch and pulls the blanket up around him further, burries his face in it.
It still smells like him.
He’s startled when a hand rests on his shoulder, warm, comforting. “Jen, what’s wrong?” He snaps his eyes open, looking blurrily into the soft brown eyes he’s missed so much.
“Jared.” He chokes out. “I thought you left.” He whispers and averts his gaze.
“Jen.” Jared shifts, sits on the couch next to him then pulls Jensen against him so his head is resting against Jared’s shoulder. “Never. Okay? Never again. I’m here.”
Jensen lets his fears die down as they sit there, curled into each other. He thinks back to the day he found the note.
Remembers how angry he’d been, how pissed off he was to see that. Jared just left, he left! Walked away, just like that.
Remembers how the paper felt as he crumpled it in his hand. Remembers the feeling of hot tears running down his face.
Remembers how he felt every time his calls went to voice mail.
The anger he felt that day comes back, seeps into his bones and curls around what’s left of his shattered heart. He needs to know why. Why did Jared leave him? What happened to make him go and leave Jensen so broken?
Why?!
He pulls away from Jared sucks in a sharp breath and stands up. Paces back and forth, ignores the concerned “Jen?” beside him.
“Why Jared?” He forces out, still pacing. “Why the hell did you leave me like that?” He stops in front of Jared hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. “Why the fuck did you leave me?”
He knows he’s yelling, he just can’t bring himself to care right now. He watches as Jared’s eyes glaze over, sees the regret and longing shining in them.
“I can explain...” Jared says, moves his gaze to his hands resting in his lap.
“Explain?” Jensen spits, like venom. “Yeah an explanation would be real good right about now!”
“You’re not going to like it and you’re probably-”
“Just fucking say it already? Okay, just say it. Do you know how long I’ve waited for you to come back to me!? Do you know how fucking broken that note left me? Do you?” Jared looks up at Jensen for a split second then back down. Jensen turns away then, walks towards the window and stands with his back to Jared, arms folded. “Do you have any idea what that did to me when you left? How broken I was?” His voice cracks with the threat of emotions trying to escape. “I deserve this much Jared. I deserve to know why!”
“Jensen-” Jared’s standing behind him, he can feel Jared’s hand hovering just behind his back, uncertain, afraid. He doesn’t turn around, bites his tongue willing his emotions to calm down, feels Jared’s hand move away. “I didn’t want to leave.” Jared’s crying now. Jensen can tell by the way his voice wavers, the slight hitch in his breath. “Why do you think I left you that note? Why do you think I told you I loved you over and over the night before? I was trying my best to say goodbye without saying goodbye.”
Jared steps closer to him. Jensen can feel the heat radiating off his bare skin and seeping into his own. He tries to stay strong, he doesn’t want to crumble, not like he did last night. He needs to stay strong for himself, for all those months that he couldn’t. “Why?” He says again, his voice firm.
“Your father.”
Jensen head spins at those words. “My father?” He says it like it’s the most ridiculous thing in the world, like he’s never heard something more crazy. What did his father have anything to do with this? He turns around, eyebrows drawn together, looks deep into Jared’s eyes searching for anything that might give him a clue.
Jared takes a small step back, like he’s expecting Jensen to hit him and continues. “Jensen, I know you’re probably really confused and you’re wondering what your father has to do with me leaving but, I just- I need to get the whole story out for you to understand, okay?” Jensen nods, his anger dissipated and replaced with curiosity and confusion.
They sit on the couch, Jared’s almost shaking. Jensen doesn’t speak once while Jared’s explaining himself. He waits until Jared looks at him for a reaction. Jared explains to him what happened that day at Jensen’s parents house. He tells Jensen about the ‘orders’ Jensen’s father gave him. Explains how torn up he was about it, if he should leave or just ignore what Alan had said. Jensen’s hands clench into fists where they rest on his thighs.
His father has always been like a walking bible, preaching the laws of the church. That’s why it was such a surprise when his father had accepted his news so easily. Jensen’s brows draw together as he thinks back to the day Jared’s talking about, tries to remember what happened before they left his house.
He was in the kitchen with his brother and sister, waiting for Jared to come down stairs with his bags. Mac was sitting at the table with him and Josh was fiddling around in the fridge. Jensen couldn’t remember a day when he was happier. He was smiling to himself when he felt Mac touch his hand and shake him out of his little world.
When he glanced up at her, she was smiling a knowing smile that made Jensen blush. “You two are cute together.” She said and Jensen looked down at his hands again and laughed at how girly he was becoming.
“Yeah.”
Josh was making kissy faces at him from the other side of the kitchen. “Shut up Josh. I may be gay but I can still kick your ass.”
That earned him a snort from his older brother as he said “You wish.”
They settled back in a comfortable silence. He heard his mama talking to his dad in the other room and was glad things went over so well with his parents. He couldn’t believe the luck he had. He expected his mama to be a little shook up and he thought his dad would have banished him from the house. Sure his mama needed time to adjust to the new information, but his dad... he didn’t show the least bit of disapproval.
His mama came into the kitchen then and motioned them into the living room, said it was more comfortable in there and they had a brief conversation about random things. Jensen could remember wondering where his dad had gotten off to when Jared had come into the room, looking a little pale but Jensen thought nothing of it.
“Ready to go?” Jensen had asked and Jared just nodded. They said their goodbyes to his family and then they were on their way.
On their way to the airport Jared held his hand in a near death grip while they were sitting in the cab and he had barely said two words since they left his parents house.
“He said that to you?” Jensen sat on his couch, staring wide eyed at Jared and Jared nodded, silent tears running down his face.
Jensen looked deep into Jared’s eyes. He knew he believed him. This was Jared, there was no way he couldn’t believe him. But the honesty and fear shining through those eyes had Jensen regretting ever thinking Jared would do something to hurt him, purposely.
They sat there for a while in silence until Jared composed himself enough to tell Jensen the rest of his story.
He told Jensen about Mac. About the phone calls and the anger she felt towards him. How the phone calls ended up being pleas, asking Jared to tell her what happened.
Jared told Jensen about Mac’s last phone call. How she explained that she knew what happened, that her father had told her. The way she help Jared realize that he needed to get Jensen back before it was too late. Jensen didn’t know anything about that. Had no idea his little sister went out of her way to try to bring them back together.
Everything suddenly fell into place.
The uncharacteristic silence Jared has shown after they got home. The way he explained it as jet leg and said he’d feel better after a nap.
The two weeks after they got back from their trip. The way Jared would look at Jensen with this wistful look, all sad eyes and blank face. Telling Jensen every chance he got that he loved him.
The night before he left. The way Jared had taken everything slow, mapping out Jensen’s body almost like he was memorizing it, like he needed it imbedded in his memory. The slow thrusting, soft caressing, long passionate kisses and the way he held Jensen tight afterwards spooned up behind him.
As Jensen thought back to that night, the night before Jared left he could remember feeling something warm and wet sliding down the back of his neck right before he fell asleep to Jared’s whispered ‘I love you’s.
It was Jared’s way of saying goodbye. His way of saying ‘I’m sorry.’
“I didn’t want to Jen.” Jared said between sobs. “I didn’t. I-”
Jensen doesn’t wait for the rest of whatever Jared was going to say, he pulls Jared to him, wraps his arms around Jared’s neck and kisses him with all he has. Jared’s breath hitches and he pushes himself closer to Jensen. He opens his mouth up, granting access to Jensen’s searching tongue.
Jensen does his best to stay attached to Jared as he pulls himself off the couch, leading Jared into his bedroom. They stumble down the hall kissing and touching, whispering into each others mouths.
Jensen’s bed is just how he left it, hasn’t slept in it since Jared left, he moved himself to the guest bedroom. When Mac came to visit, she changed the sheets and stayed in Jensen’s bed because he refused to sleep in it. Too many memories, too much pain.
But now... now he has Jared.
They fall onto the bed in a tangle of limbs pushing at each others jeans, needing to feel that familiar skin-on-skin they’ve missed out on these last months.
When they’re finally naked, Jared laying beneath Jensen, time seems to slow down. Jared lays below him, eyes filled to the brim with tears, just staring into his eyes. They start a slow rocking motion with their hips, never breaking eye contact.
Jensen rocks against Jared and Jared curves his hips upward to meet Jensen, just needing the reassurance that they’re here, together. They continue this until they’re practically panting into each others mouths. Jared wraps his legs around Jensen’s hips and curls his arms around Jensen’s neck, when Jensen rolls onto his back pulling Jared on top of him.
Jared gasps at the sudden change in position and looks at Jensen questioningly “M-make love to me Jay. I-I need you...” Jensen whispers and Jared’s taken aback for a moment. For the whole nine months when they were together, Jensen had never once, not once asked to bottom. Jared had always been more then willing to have Jensen buried deep inside him.
“Jen. You’ve never... are you... sure?” Jared asks because he wants to make sure this is something Jensen wants, not something he’s going to do just because they’re together again.
“Y-yes! I-“ Jensen reaches down and wraps a hand around Jared’s cock, gasps at the familiar weight settled in this hand again.“I need to feel you. Never wanted anyone more then you...uggnn... need to feel you in me, need to know you’re here.”
Jared’s heart swells in his chest at Jensen’s request. He knows that doing this is a huge step for Jensen, knows that this is the ultimate trust factor in renewing their old relationship. Jensen’s giving a piece of himself to Jared that he’s never given anyone else and Jared’s determined to make this good for Jensen. He needs to make up for lost time, make sure Jensen knows he’s here to stay as long as Jensen’s willing to have him.
Jared leans down and burries his face in the side of Jensen’s neck and inhails the musky scent that is purely Jensen. Jared bats Jensen’s hand away from his cock and takes over, this time grasping both of their cocks and making them slip slide against each other.
Jensen reaches over in the side table and pulls out a condom and some lube as Jared shakes his head. “No, no condom, just wanna feel you. Just you.”
“But-” Jensen starts off, only for Jared to shake his head again and interrupt him.
“No one. No one since you Jen. Just you.” Jensen’s breath catches at Jared words. Feels his heart grow impossibly bigger just knowing that Jared hasn’t been with anyone since they were together. Of course Jensen hasn’t been with anyone either, couldn’t bare sliding into anyone else who wasn’t Jared.
Jensen reaches up and wraps his hand around Jared’s neck, pulls him down and smashes their lips together. They kiss and thrust into Jared’s fist until Jensen’s so on edge he doesn’t think he can handle much more. “N-nnnggg.” Jensen thrusts up hard once more before pushing the lube into Jared’s hand. “Now Jay, need you.”
Jared accepts the lube and abandons his grip on their cocks. He scoots back and pushes Jensen’s legs apart more to give him better access so he doesn’t hurt Jensen. He slicks up one finger and trails it around Jensen’s entrance, waits for Jensen to cool down a bit. Then slowly pushes in while at the same time bending his head down to wrap his lips around the head of Jensen’s cock.
Jensen moans and bucks at the unexpected heat surrounding his cock and whimpers when Jared’s tongue snakes out to slip along the slit, sucking hard on the head and then flicking his tongue along the ridge, Jared knows just what to do to make Jensen fall apart. Jensen’s hand come to rest almost automatically in Jared’s shaggy mop of hair, not pulling or tugging, but massaging his scalp, just the way Jared likes it.
Jared moans around Jensen’s cock, hips jutting against the bed when Jensen trails his fingers down over Jared’s ear to trace the shell and run feather light touches against the side of his neck. Jared has this spot right behind his ear that drives him crazy and Jensen wants to be able to feel Jared loose control too.
Jared’s got three fingers working in and out of him now, Jensen’s too far gone to even feel the burn of Jared stretching him. He bucks his hips which makes him slip down further onto Jared’s fingers, just as Jared swallows Jensen down to the hilt. Jensen pulls at Jared hair a little and cries out at the unexpected pleasure when Jared rubs a finger against his prostate.
Jensen’s bucking against Jared’s fingers and thrusting up into Jared’s warm mouth, lost in sensation. Jared slowly pulls up off of Jensen’s cock and slinks up Jensen’s body. He pulls his fingers out of Jensen and starts to slick up his cock quickly, missing the feel of Jensen clamping down around him.
Jared stuffs a pillow underneath Jensen’s hips and pulls him closer, positioning the tip if his cock at Jensen’s entrance. Just as he’s pushing forward he leans down and captures Jensen’s whimpered cries with his lips.
Jensen’s shaking from the sheer sensation of having Jared pushing into him, just a few days ago he thought he’d never see Jared again but now he’s welcoming the burn of being stretched by him. Jared pulls back from the kiss to look at Jensen’s face, making sure there’s no pain etched in his features. He never wants to hurt Jensen more then he already has, never wants him to feel that kind of pain ever again.
“Jen. O-open your eyes... need you to... look at me.” Jensen wasn’t even aware that he’d shut his eyes until Jared spoke. He snaps his eyes open, focuses on Jared’s face hovering above him. Jared’s all the way in now but he’s not moving. “This okay?”
Jensen nods not trusting his voice. They wait a beat, two, three then Jared’s moving slowly. Jensen gasps as Jared slips back in just as slowly brushing very gently against his prostate, not nearly hard enough. He keeps a slow pace for another few thrusts, Jensen’s wiggling his hips and pulling gasps and whines from Jared’s throat trying to get Jared to move more quickly.
Jared starts to speed up his thrusts, pushing into Jensen and then back out again until only the head of his cock is buried inside then slams back in. Jared takes Jensen’s ankles in his hands and kneels up, brings Jensen’s legs up to rest on his shoulders and slides his hands down Jensen’s legs, moving his hips at an erratic pace.
Jensen’s whimpering and moaning Jared’s name over and over. Jared pulls Jensen’s hips closer to him, angling his thrusts up just a fraction and hitting Jensen’s prostate on every other thrust.
“Shit... fucking... God, Jay!” Jensen grasps his cock and starts tugging furiously, feeling his orgasm building in the pit of his stomach.
Jared speeds up his thrusts, pushing Jensen’s legs off his shoulders and dropping down crashing their mouths together, slipping his tongue along Jensen’s and nibbling on his lower lip. Jared trails kisses over Jensen jaw and down his neck and when Jensen feels him suck a bruise into the skin there he arches his back off the bed and then he’s coming. Thick, hot ropes splashing against both their chests, covering his hand. He rubs the head of his cock against Jared’s abs as he rides out his orgasm, chanting Love you Jay. Love you, love you over and over.
That does it for Jared, the feeling of Jensen’s cock sliding against his stomach and Jensen’s broken words sends him over the edge and he’s crying out “Love you so much Jen” as he stiffens and shoots his load deep inside Jensen’s tight, wet, heat.
Jared slows his thrusts down to almost nothing, riding out the pleasure wave until he can’t move anymore and just collapses on top of Jensen, while they try to catch their breath.
Jensen wraps his hands around Jared’s back, stroking ever so slowly, feels a smile spread across his lips. Jared shifts and pulls out of Jensen slowly, but doesn’t move to the side. Instead he slides down Jensen’s body, trailing kisses along the way, he licks the come off of Jensen’s chest and Jensen moans as he watches Jared lick him clean.
“Fuck.” Jensen’s cock gives a half hearted twitch and Jared smiles against the skin on Jensen’s belly. He moves back up Jensen’s body and smiles down at him, earning himself an answering smile from Jensen.
Jared moves to the side and pulls Jensen to him, he wraps his arm around Jensen’s shoulders and buries his face in Jensen’s hair.
They stay like that for what seems like forever, Jensen feels himself dozing off and feels Jared’s arms tighten around him. “I’m never gonna let you go Jen. Never again.” Jensen’s too tired to respond so he just lays there and listens to Jared’s whispered promises. “Missed you so much. I love you.” He says it in the smallest voice Jensen’s ever heard and Jensen tightens his arms around Jared before sleep tugs him under.
EPILOGUE