throw my hand on a blade for ya.
do i give too much, too soon,
i cant help feeling the ways that i do.
i want to live easy, and feel care free,
i wanted those things for me and for you.
feels like we had it some time ago,
then it all got too heavy and i began to lose hope.
love never died, and neither did you,
still beating loud, and feeling so strong.
taking my time to let go of you.
but no such luck, love is mindless, love is cruel but love gave me the greatest
and that was you.
not always easy, care free, or fair
but somehow i always wanted you near
days aren't the same without a keeow or a girl
but we aren't what we were once before.
supposed to be trying and lingering through
til my heart beats start skipping all day for you.
it never stopped but i stand in my way
i dont know how to forgive all our mistakes.
now i am moving on and not with you,
it feels so natural but still not so true.
i just always thought you would be here
this is my doing and i am digging my grave
no use in complaining about the mess that i've made
i just want to be happy and i haven't felt that with you
i know "give it time" but, i always do!
i gave it this long and look what its done
to me and what its making me do to you.
love isn't gifts but i gave mine to you:
gave of my heart...
time and trust, all just for you
hard to say if ill find it: this love that i lost
and if i do who should have it, cause it belonged you
the thing is with me. love never dies. i have had my fair share of in and outs with this but its never easy for me to just drop it. i love him, or loved him... idk. its just, why wasn't it simple?! since when was it supposed to feel like you gave all you had for momentary bliss and every other week you wound up in some debacle. theres not a doubt in my mind the ways in which i loved him, but the question still remains... is love enough? and theres things to consider and i hope i am not being too harsh but... its two months past christmas and regardless of knowing whether or not we were going to end it.. i still gave him something. where is my christmas gift? oh right... i mean i spent nearly a year of my life with you, for you, for us! the least i could get is a gift for christmas and its not about the gift its about the sentiment, appreciation. i just, i feel like i began to be more appreciated when it was about time to be done with it. together... aside from the times that there was conflict, i could not have been happier but meeting my mother, my best friend. just things... simple, and understandable that there may have been some underlying conflicts or emotions/engagements but i just cant handle thinking for everything i invited you to be apart of that had to do with me you couldn't be a better you. i met your step mom, step sister, sister, cousin(sis), all of it.. and i don't give myself credit for many things but i think i was always on my best behavior. i know i am slapping it all on here and putting it in a pile so it seems as though i'm picking at the bad. but its not about the bad, i'm looking at moments that were important and what went on in those moments. i believe i know more of you to have always made exceptions and say that you were better than some of those attitudes. you were just going through it or whatever but i guess i feel as though i was always excusing you for something when it should have never been in the first place. so in some months time we got closer to thee end here and then things outside of interactions began to change. we actually seemed to be distant :/ seeing each other less, texting and talking less, trying to relieve ourselves of the stress that was in our relationship or in our own lives. the more i was away the more i saw myself looking from the outside in. feeling as though we had been doing everything to salvage what we had on too many occasions and still never discovering why it wasn't working quite as well as it was once before. then our break happened, and then eventually just breaking up all together. so here we are and it was supposed to be like an extended vacation i suppose from all that was restricted i guess, all of what i wrote about here and what was wrong but i cant seem to bring myself to get past all of it, not that i don't understand. i just wish that it took less effort, that it all could have been so seamless and it didn't hit me in the end like a ton of bricks, and leave me thinking about all of these things. because there was more to us than this but somehow this is where i see it from. but i guess that would be because i probably feel as though i'm the one who wasn't struggling as much other than to make it better. regardless, i've been doing what i feel is right for me. i haven't been as focused on what to improve and expect for us. i have been more selfish and about my needs because i feel that its just been about that time. and here i am finding myself in something that has taken no effort, its so light and natural and i am just going forward and its getting better day by day but i cant deny that i find myself back here, and thats not fair either. ill just keep taking it a day at a time but i just needed all of this out.
i cant help feeling the ways that i do.
i want to live easy, and feel care free,
i wanted those things for me and for you.
feels like we had it some time ago,
then it all got too heavy and i began to lose hope.
love never died, and neither did you,
still beating loud, and feeling so strong.
taking my time to let go of you.
but no such luck, love is mindless, love is cruel but love gave me the greatest
and that was you.
not always easy, care free, or fair
but somehow i always wanted you near
days aren't the same without a keeow or a girl
but we aren't what we were once before.
supposed to be trying and lingering through
til my heart beats start skipping all day for you.
it never stopped but i stand in my way
i dont know how to forgive all our mistakes.
now i am moving on and not with you,
it feels so natural but still not so true.
i just always thought you would be here
this is my doing and i am digging my grave
no use in complaining about the mess that i've made
i just want to be happy and i haven't felt that with you
i know "give it time" but, i always do!
i gave it this long and look what its done
to me and what its making me do to you.
love isn't gifts but i gave mine to you:
gave of my heart...
time and trust, all just for you
hard to say if ill find it: this love that i lost
and if i do who should have it, cause it belonged you
the thing is with me. love never dies. i have had my fair share of in and outs with this but its never easy for me to just drop it. i love him, or loved him... idk. its just, why wasn't it simple?! since when was it supposed to feel like you gave all you had for momentary bliss and every other week you wound up in some debacle. theres not a doubt in my mind the ways in which i loved him, but the question still remains... is love enough? and theres things to consider and i hope i am not being too harsh but... its two months past christmas and regardless of knowing whether or not we were going to end it.. i still gave him something. where is my christmas gift? oh right... i mean i spent nearly a year of my life with you, for you, for us! the least i could get is a gift for christmas and its not about the gift its about the sentiment, appreciation. i just, i feel like i began to be more appreciated when it was about time to be done with it. together... aside from the times that there was conflict, i could not have been happier but meeting my mother, my best friend. just things... simple, and understandable that there may have been some underlying conflicts or emotions/engagements but i just cant handle thinking for everything i invited you to be apart of that had to do with me you couldn't be a better you. i met your step mom, step sister, sister, cousin(sis), all of it.. and i don't give myself credit for many things but i think i was always on my best behavior. i know i am slapping it all on here and putting it in a pile so it seems as though i'm picking at the bad. but its not about the bad, i'm looking at moments that were important and what went on in those moments. i believe i know more of you to have always made exceptions and say that you were better than some of those attitudes. you were just going through it or whatever but i guess i feel as though i was always excusing you for something when it should have never been in the first place. so in some months time we got closer to thee end here and then things outside of interactions began to change. we actually seemed to be distant :/ seeing each other less, texting and talking less, trying to relieve ourselves of the stress that was in our relationship or in our own lives. the more i was away the more i saw myself looking from the outside in. feeling as though we had been doing everything to salvage what we had on too many occasions and still never discovering why it wasn't working quite as well as it was once before. then our break happened, and then eventually just breaking up all together. so here we are and it was supposed to be like an extended vacation i suppose from all that was restricted i guess, all of what i wrote about here and what was wrong but i cant seem to bring myself to get past all of it, not that i don't understand. i just wish that it took less effort, that it all could have been so seamless and it didn't hit me in the end like a ton of bricks, and leave me thinking about all of these things. because there was more to us than this but somehow this is where i see it from. but i guess that would be because i probably feel as though i'm the one who wasn't struggling as much other than to make it better. regardless, i've been doing what i feel is right for me. i haven't been as focused on what to improve and expect for us. i have been more selfish and about my needs because i feel that its just been about that time. and here i am finding myself in something that has taken no effort, its so light and natural and i am just going forward and its getting better day by day but i cant deny that i find myself back here, and thats not fair either. ill just keep taking it a day at a time but i just needed all of this out.