(no subject)
Since parts of my dream last night has stuck with me all day, I feel I need to write something about it for myself. Basically it was this really weird thing where got caught up in a relationship with this guy - who my first impression of was that he was not very good looking (rather big, dopey), but upon waking kind of had the sense to recognize that the aspects were stylized/idealized. Pretty much he had a sweetness to him that came from a lack of real personality, but over the course of the dream became rather more obsessive, aggressive, and demanding. By the end of it I had kind of locked him out of a room (I seemed to have been at home, which was kind of randomly different houses I have lived in depending on the moment I cared to look at my surroundings) and was kind of mixed between being fearful for my life, while simultaneously recognizing it was not in his nature to physically harm me, just kind of attach himself to me emotionally. It was really weird, I have been uncertain all day whether or not I liked the thought of the guy or was completely disgusted by his entire being in my dream (or both). I guess I have been thinking about relationships a lot, anyway, so it kind of just came at the right moment to get lodged in my mind. Too many people are attracted to me, I guess (there have been a few attractive people wandering around, too, but you know? Not really enough for my tastes).
Last night I had a sort of revelation I think I keep having and forgetting, based on talking to this chick (this did not originally say chick, I changed it and then tried to change it back and just kept writing chick, so I gave up) I know. Pretty much people that have similar feelings towards drugs (incl alcohol) and profanity tend to be one of two things: Are similarly critical of the constructs surrounding them, and act such critiques out by taking copious amounts of drugs/drinking frequently and/or swearing profusely. Otherwise, they are critical of the use of both such things and, for some reason, critical of the people that imbibe drugs/swear in unrestrained manners (and are often complacent with societal norms as judged by the laws and conservative rulings to such cases). The first case is typically easily ignored, though in some cases where they become too heavily tied to their critique a bit sad. The second is more cumbersome - I spend a lot of time dealing with people that assume this stereotype applies to me, and therefore often have to almost prove myself not a judgemental jerk. As I do think I fit this stereotype, I tend to want to give others the benefit of the doubt to the point of fault, really, where I forget there are people that this stereotype applies to - perhaps a lot of them, as the stereotype had to originate somewhere. I don't know, it was a kind of disappointment realization.
P.S. My arm should be alright, though there was some abnormal bone growth that looks like remains from past trauma that I do not recall happening. MRI tomorrow, then follow-up on Friday. The arm is already feeling a good deal better, and was never so bad that I could not use it to jerk off, so I guess there was never any real problem. Also -- when I spoke to the doctor about how I play tennis (he asked if I played any sports) he asked, specifically, if I did a two-handed back-handed and, when I said no, gave me a look/shrug like there was no reason not to play while it heals. Thanks a lot, Jason/Greg/Jared/Everyone I spoke to on Saturday.
Last night I had a sort of revelation I think I keep having and forgetting, based on talking to this chick (this did not originally say chick, I changed it and then tried to change it back and just kept writing chick, so I gave up) I know. Pretty much people that have similar feelings towards drugs (incl alcohol) and profanity tend to be one of two things: Are similarly critical of the constructs surrounding them, and act such critiques out by taking copious amounts of drugs/drinking frequently and/or swearing profusely. Otherwise, they are critical of the use of both such things and, for some reason, critical of the people that imbibe drugs/swear in unrestrained manners (and are often complacent with societal norms as judged by the laws and conservative rulings to such cases). The first case is typically easily ignored, though in some cases where they become too heavily tied to their critique a bit sad. The second is more cumbersome - I spend a lot of time dealing with people that assume this stereotype applies to me, and therefore often have to almost prove myself not a judgemental jerk. As I do think I fit this stereotype, I tend to want to give others the benefit of the doubt to the point of fault, really, where I forget there are people that this stereotype applies to - perhaps a lot of them, as the stereotype had to originate somewhere. I don't know, it was a kind of disappointment realization.
P.S. My arm should be alright, though there was some abnormal bone growth that looks like remains from past trauma that I do not recall happening. MRI tomorrow, then follow-up on Friday. The arm is already feeling a good deal better, and was never so bad that I could not use it to jerk off, so I guess there was never any real problem. Also -- when I spoke to the doctor about how I play tennis (he asked if I played any sports) he asked, specifically, if I did a two-handed back-handed and, when I said no, gave me a look/shrug like there was no reason not to play while it heals. Thanks a lot, Jason/Greg/Jared/Everyone I spoke to on Saturday.