Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck. Some nights I call it a draw.
Ok. I just. I don't even know what to say.
This episode broke me. It broke me in every possible way, good and bad and everything in between. I honestly did not expect to be this affected by it. I fancied myself a stronger reader than this - I figured my head would win out over any instinctual emotional response. NOT SO. I am a mess. This episode made me break all my rules. Usually by now I'd be happily recapping, doing my best to analyze and interpret and reason. But I just can't right now. I normally hide away until I'm done with my thoughts because I like to remain entirely uninfluenced, but the second I finished the episode I RAN upstairs and fled to my TVD support group (Marta and Alex, bless those two), who have kindly spent the last hour talking me down. I felt literally sick after this episode. And I have so much to say, but I just...can't. I will. But not yet.
Here's the thing: I keep oscillating wildly between horror and frustration and adoration and amazement and disgust and distress and I am an emotional DISASTER. There were some parts of this episode that I love more than anything this show has ever done. And then there are parts that make me unsure if I can ever watch this episode again. It was excruciatingly painful, in some beautiful and horrible ways. I will deal with this eventually. But. Just not right now.
So here's your choice, flist. I can write my typical several-thousand-word, analytical, vaguely objective, relatively calm and measured recap that I strive to write every week. Or I could write an incoherent, confused, screaming disaster that would represent my actual feelings about the episode. You decide, flist. I'm washing my hands of all "Choices."
Sometimes I genuinely wish that I could go back in time and stop myself from watching 2x01 and becoming hopelessly addicted and emotionally invested in this show. But some nights, I call it a draw.
This episode broke me. It broke me in every possible way, good and bad and everything in between. I honestly did not expect to be this affected by it. I fancied myself a stronger reader than this - I figured my head would win out over any instinctual emotional response. NOT SO. I am a mess. This episode made me break all my rules. Usually by now I'd be happily recapping, doing my best to analyze and interpret and reason. But I just can't right now. I normally hide away until I'm done with my thoughts because I like to remain entirely uninfluenced, but the second I finished the episode I RAN upstairs and fled to my TVD support group (Marta and Alex, bless those two), who have kindly spent the last hour talking me down. I felt literally sick after this episode. And I have so much to say, but I just...can't. I will. But not yet.
Here's the thing: I keep oscillating wildly between horror and frustration and adoration and amazement and disgust and distress and I am an emotional DISASTER. There were some parts of this episode that I love more than anything this show has ever done. And then there are parts that make me unsure if I can ever watch this episode again. It was excruciatingly painful, in some beautiful and horrible ways. I will deal with this eventually. But. Just not right now.
So here's your choice, flist. I can write my typical several-thousand-word, analytical, vaguely objective, relatively calm and measured recap that I strive to write every week. Or I could write an incoherent, confused, screaming disaster that would represent my actual feelings about the episode. You decide, flist. I'm washing my hands of all "Choices."
Sometimes I genuinely wish that I could go back in time and stop myself from watching 2x01 and becoming hopelessly addicted and emotionally invested in this show. But some nights, I call it a draw.