TVD 3x19: No need to pray, no need to speak now I am under.

[dante_kent]

Um. So. This episode.

..................

I am literally lost for words. This does not happen to me, as you well know. I just. I have lost the ability to can.

It's been a long, hard three weeks, people. I kept meaning to post hiatus-y things, but I've been weirdly busy and thus weirdly absent, and I apologize. I've missed you, flist! But I'm back, and so is our show. And. Um. Words, I can't...I don't even know what to do with myself. Fear not, I'm sure another multi-thousand word recap is nigh on the horizon. But. Just.


I promise it gets moderately more articulate...

So it occurred to me earlier today that I actually had no idea what this episode was about. Since pretty much the second I saw that torturous 3x19 promo, my mind had basically been an unceasing litany of "d/e, d/e, d/e, oh hai Jeremy! D/E!!!" Not to out myself as a crazy shipper or anything. But. I mean. Come on. Meanwhile, this episode actually did have things happening in it! At least a few of which are worth discussing. And I will. But let's be real here. The mental litany remains unchanged. PREPARE YOURSELVES.

But in the interest of equal opportunity flailing (LOL), we start, as ever, at the beginning.

Dude, the "Previously" section was hilarious. How much was it totally shipping D/E? It amused me. I know where you're going with this, show. And I approve.

Alaric is locked up in the Salvatore basement, so points to them for finally getting that right. Elena brings him a care package, and the scene is blissfully free of inappropriate chemistry, but I did wonder, what good is a toothbrush without a sink? Did anyone else wonder this? The hiatus has not lessened my maddening attention to insignificant details.

Damon switched whatever comfort book Elena brought Alaric (Chicken Soup for the Occasionally to Frequently Homicidal Soul?) to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and I rejoice. Damon, you continue to be the actual best. Carry on, sir.

Elena gets all eye-roll-y, but honey, he thinks he's hilarious? Come on, let's be fair. This actually is hilarious. Alaric agrees.

Our plot twist of the week gets a bit of exposition, and I am torn between laughing and wanting to hug her when Elena says "Wage war, murder people, you know. Klaus stuff." Oh, TVD. So hilarious and so tragic, all at the same time.

Ok, I'm a bit conflicted about the Damon/Elena road trip being Stefan's idea. Because it messes a bit with my personal head!canon about Stefan. I get why he would push Elena to admit to feeling something for Damon (in fact, I wrote a small novel about it in my last recap...). But actively sending her out of state with him, where they can get away from all the confusing emotional baggage of Mystic Falls and be left with only their searing sexual tension? Yeah, I don't get that. A lot of why I thought I understood the S/E scene in 3x18 was because I was fairly sure that a small (or not so small) part of Stefan was desperately hoping she WOULD be able to tell him she didn't have feelings for Damon. And when she failed that test, I just don't see him pushing her toward Damon even further. I had this moment of "Wait, does Stefan ship D/E now? When did that happen???" It mixes me up a little. Because as much as I love Stefan, his love for Elena is a combination of selfless and extremely selfish. He does not want Damon to have Elena. If Stefan can't have her, he would give pretty much anything for her to fall in love with anyone BUT Damon. And I'm not saying that to be anti-Stefan: there are a whole host of purely Brothership reasons that I won't go into here. But Stefan isn't like Damon. He's not encouraging Elena to be with who he thinks she wants to be with. Ok, that was a convoluted sentence, but basically, Damon pushes Elena toward Stefan because he thinks she wants to be with Stefan (at least, that was the case until this episode, which...MORE ON THAT LATER). But Stefan has no interest in parsing out what Elena wants deep down. If she doesn't want him, then god, let her get out of this life. She doesn't want to be a vampire. He knows that better than anyone. So let her meet some nice human boy and have nice human children and live the life he couldn't give her. Because then there's a reason. There's a real concrete reason for why she can't be with him forever. And he can't have that if she gets involved with Damon. Because the worst thing that could happen to Stefan is the possibility that Elena could want to be a vampire - with someone else. If the only why is that he wasn't enough.

So all that for the simple idea that I don't know what to make of Stefan suggesting the road trip. Give me your thoughts, people.

Meanwhile, I very much love Elena telling Alaric all this with her guilty face on, and ALL the A+'s for Alaric's "Why do you say that like you're waiting for me to disapprove?" This was the best. Because she absolutely is waiting for that. All she wants is for someone, anyone, to tell her not to do this. Elena has a million reasons not to go anywhere near Damon. But she keeps learning that all of that does nothing to keep her away from him. So she's basically begging for help here. She needs Alaric to swoop in with the fatherly disapproval and the speeches about how awful Damon is for her, because it's getting too hard to resist this thing, but she HAS to. This is her cry for help. And bless Alaric, he fails. THANKS, ALARIC. No, but seriously. Thank you.

I do have to LOL at Elena saying she needs to figure out if she has unresolved feelings for Damon. Come on, girl. This is not a question. You DO have unresolved feelings for Damon. And that doesn't have to mean she's in love with him or wants to be with him or anything. She just has unresolved feelings for him. That was canon ages ago. Get with it, Elena. Even Alaric looked a little indulgent with his "do you?" SO MANY 'DO YOU's! Well, just two. But it was enough.

Meanwhile, Elena totally looks at Alaric after she mentions the aforementioned potential unresolved feelings for Damon, hoping one last time for him to get indignant and horrified, and he fails AGAIN. So she sighs and admits she'll have to deal with it herself. Oh, Elena. She will fight this romance with fire and blood (sorry, I've been reading SO much Game of Thrones lately. Westeros on the brain...).

My Brothership has a scene together, and it works. They do a bit more exposition, but it's pretty exposition, so I just sat back and enjoyed it. My boys by firelight. It's a good time. But I have to flail about this for a sec:

"Well, you're good Stefan again. You're in control. Sorry, you might get the girl, but you lose the edge."

OH, DAMON. Glorious and blissfully faithful to my head!canon til the end. As usual, Damon is saying a whole lot of things in an offhand snarky comment, because that's how the boy works. He's simultaneously boosting his brother, reinforcing his lessons, and shipping S/E. This is a reminder. It sounds like a joke, but it's a warning. Damon's leaving town, and he won't be there to watch over Stefan. So the younger Salvatore has to keep it together. But here's the motivation: this is how he gets Elena back. Damon knows his brother, and he knows that Stefan will focus all of his struggles around the idea of getting Elena back. So this is Damon driving home the concept that control = Elena. He's not above manipulating Stefan in order to maintain some order in Mystic Falls until he gets back. This is what he does. Meanwhile, on a purely selfish level, he has to take a brief jab at his brother with the edge comment, because that's what Damon gets. He gets the edge. He doesn't get anything else, and it will kill him to watch Stefan and Elena reunite after all of this, probably permanently this time, but this is what he'll take. It's as fair as it gets. SUBTEXT, the Salvatores have it. (This is how my recaps get so damn long. I write entire paragraphs overanalyzing random lines that probably don't mean anything. This is what being an English major does to you. I regret nothing.)

Damon used miles. MADE OF WIN.

Stefan and Elena try to share a longing doomed ship look before she leaves, but I just do not care about your manufactured star-crossed lovers angst today, kids. I AM TAKING THIS EPISODE FOR MY SHIP, OK? For once, I'm just claiming this episode for my OTP. Let me have this. You get next week (ugh). This one's for me.

Question: how far in advance does one start setting up for a dance? It seems like all those glasses are going to get rather dusty in the days before the decade dance, so should they really be spending all this time painstakingly stacking them in formation? Whatever, Mystic Falls High. I guess you need to complete all the tasks you can while your students are still alive.

I agree with Rebekah (but when don't I, really?). 1920s > 1970s. Not as easy to find a costume, but since Mystic Falls seems to have 24-hour costume shops with every decade and/or degree of formality available despite financial means or size or timing, I'm sure it won't be an issue. #what is this town, seriously

Is that the barest shade of Caroline/Damon I see? No, probably not. But since Damon is the only person Rebekah's slept with lately (that we know of), I can pretend.

Matt is adorable in his attempts to appease the girls. "Maybe we can do both decades." Sometimes I'm terribly fond of you, Matt. Plus the emphatic double "NO" was A+. Blondes of the show unite! Seriously, add Klaus and Liz into this scene and we have all the flaxen-haired residents of Mystic Falls accounted for.

Caro and Matt rejoice over fooling Rebekah...but they rejoice about 15 feet away from the building. I know it works out for them, but did it never occur to them that Rebekah has super hearing? Who even knows.

Stefan brings Alaric a drink, and they start a brand new semi-bromance with typical dependence on alcohol. And I literally thought to myself, "See, THIS is what I need more of. Stefan interacting with people who aren't Elena and Damon." And you know what? I was right. Seriously, how awesome was the Stefan/Alaric stuff in this episode? How great is Stefan when he's NOT being one half of the sad torn asunder tragic lovers pair? Do more of this, show. I ship Stefan/character arc.

And one more note: Matt Davis was fantastic in this episode. I have to admit to not always caring that much about Alaric. I like him well enough, but sometimes I just can't be bothered. But he rocked this episode. Matt's performance was charming and nuanced and endearing and sometimes flat out creepy, and all of it was awesome. A+ work, Ernesto.

I don't buy Stefan thinking he's more able to torture Alaric than Damon is. Damon gets off on torture. Remember that time he snapped Alaric's neck on a whim? Boy does not shy away from dark. But whatever, Stefan. Do what you do.

Ok, so all that stuff I said about Stefan having a plotline beyond his romance with Elena? Kicks in AFTER this scene. And I have to rant a little about this: "No matter what I go through to get her back, fighting my bloodlust, trying to gain control of my life again, none of that matters if she has feelings for somebody else." Which...

NO. No, Stefan Salvatore. Stop it. This is what I DO NOT WANT. Stefan gaining control of his life? CAN'T be all about getting Elena back. It just can't. I understand why Stefan might want to think that, but there just has to be more to it. There needs to be some sense of self in it. And ultimately this is the problem the show suffers from too - it forgets that there is a Stefan outside of Stefan/Elena. But there HAS to be. And this is the moment for it. I will let this slide, because I know that Stefan thinks he needs to wrap his humanity around the potential of Elena. But the show needs to make it clear that in the end, Stefan needs to do all of this for himself. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of the show's run (Casablanca is totally relevant to TVD and OH MY GOD IT SO IS now that I'm thinking about it. Do you even need to ask who I'm casting right now?). I will wait. But not forever. #30 Rock is also relevant to everything

LOLOLOL, Jeremy is SO terrible at baseball. But I'm very glad to have the Littlest Gilbert back! And he's back for the rest of the season. MUCH REJOICING. Welcome back, kid.

Damon says what I'm thinking, as usual. Meanwhile, who wants to write a fic series in which Damon compels Jeremy to be better at things?

So now that I'm thinking about it, are we ever going to talk about Elena having Jeremy compelled to go to Denver in the first place? How much does Jeremy actually know about what happened? Does the compulsion just wear off now that Elena's taking him home? Who knows. It'll probably never be discussed. But rewatching makes all sorts of things pop into my head that I didn't think about the first time around. And you all get to suffer from benefit from it.

I've been in love with this line since the promo, but "Dead vampire's redundant." NEVER CHANGE, DAMON. You are my everything.

I SEE YOU, vestiges of the Damon/Jeremy bromance I will never give up on! "Yes, Damon, I actually have friends" was adorable. I have all these head!canon reasons for why Jeremy secretly likes Damon, and they make me happy. Leave me alone. THEY'RE A THING, OK? Damon/Jeremy adoptive brothers-ship FTW.

Yay, Damon getting beaten up! Seriously, this episode gave me everything I ever wanted (YOU KNOW THIS IS ACTUALLY TRUE).

Damon is really good at getting the best of Kol. Ok, so he gets destroyed in the later fight, which, to be fair, is correct, given how much stronger Kol should be than Damon. But Damon's taken two out of three. So, not bad, son. Not bad at all.

OH MY GOD, guys. I love rewatching, because I did NOT catch this on the first go. Damon says "For the record, she's the one who wanted to stop at a motel, not me." And I know Alex will be talking all about the simultaneous upholding and breakdown of romantic tropes in this episode in particular, but this is why I write my recaps before I read anyone else's - because I want to talk about it too! This is BRILLIANT. At first I thought it was just an amusing comment about how Damon would have chosen a classier abode were it up to him, but no, this is so much better. The show makes a point to mention that the motel is Elena's idea, because it is SUCH a romance stereotype. The male romantic lead and female romantic lead, forced somehow to shack up in a motel together somewhere, UST happens, feelings evolve...come on, we've seen it all before. That's the stuff of romance novels. This is NOT that. Nothing about Damon/Elena is typical or romantic or cliche. But Elena is fighting this with everything she has. She cannot handle whatever this is between them. And yet, Elena understands the potential of this road trip. She is ostensibly here to figure out her feelings for Damon. So she deliberately frames it in a romantic trope, because that's how she'll gain a handle on this situation. She will make it into a conventional romance, because that's NOT what they are. Damon and Elena can never be conventional. So if she forces them into the cliche, that makes this temporary. This will just be a momentary lapse in sanity, a brief exception. It won't matter. I'm not saying Elena is planning on what ends up happening here. But she's protecting herself against it, because it could. She's arming herself with the weapons for future denial. Turns out Damon won't let her go through with it. He won't follow the script. But Elena does her very best to make this go on her terms - and it fails, because this thing can't be controlled. But it's very much like Elena to try.

Again, overanalyzing lines that the writers probably had no intention of being read like so. Whatever. This is how I work.

"Well, didn't you find it weird that you made a friend so fast? Have you met you?" I'M TELLING YOU, DAMON/JEREMY IS A THING. Best.

"What do you need? Candles? Incense? Pottery wheel?" OMG POTTERY WHEEL. HOW DO YOU EVEN EXIST, DAMON. I promise I'll stop just quoting lines soon. But. Pottery wheel. I will love this boy all my life.

Damon and blue shirts FTW. I approve of your wardrobe, sir. Though I also approve of when you take said wardrobe off. Basically, I approve of your existence, Mr. Salvatore. Carry on existing.

I'm just gonna say, I have always loved Damon/Rose. Not in an OTP-threatening way, because that is expressly what that ship was not about (seriously, they spent all their time talking about Damon's feelings for Elena. Least threatening ship in the history of ships), but in a very enduring way, because I'm still fond of them. They had this easy comfort around each other, and they just liked each other. They were friends. And nothing gets my shipping bells ringing like friends who also want to bone. But in all seriousness, they had a lovely relationship. So I loved Damon when he was trying to call Rose forth (or whatever mystical drivel they're calling it these days). He was irreverent and inappropriate and sincere, and that was everything they were. And under it all, there's a constant undercurrent of respect. Damon and Rose were equals. She was perhaps the only character in the history of the show that Damon never talked down to. I loved them, and I was very happy to have them back on my screen.

And guys, it was SO nice to see Rose. Like, I actually had heart-clench-y feelings. Another confession: I have recently discovered that apparently Rose was not popular back in the day, which frankly baffles me, because I LOVE her. I loved her from the beginning, and I continue to love her. And not just because she's the world's greatest D/E shipper (more on that later, count on it). She was fierce and independent and strong and self-aware and wonderful - I could write a treatise on why Rose was an amazing character. And Lauren Cohan haters can just GTFO, because I think she's FANTASTIC. Reference: aforementioned heart-clench-y feelings. The look on her face when she first appears, looking at Damon in that sad!happy, gorgeous way? Actual chills.

Also, kudos to the show for integrating the Damon dream stuff in genuinely. These things that Damon does sometimes, they make a difference. It matters (D/E QUOTE FOR EVERYTHING, YO). But Damon is not one to talk about how wonderful he can be when he wants to be. That is patently against the Damon Salvatore Code of Living. He undersells himself, because anything else is caring too much (plus all the stuff he talks about later, which, oh my perfection, more on that later). So this was a clever way to have it come out, have it known, without compromising who Damon is. Look at you, show. Master of subtlety.

But then the overly sentimental music kicks in, and we have Caroline searching the woods for her long lost love, and I groan a bit. I have to say, Caroline/Tyler did not do it for me in this episode. I want to love them, I do, but I've said it before and I'll say it again - they are shaping up to be what I'm constantly glad D/E is not. They are becoming this trite conventionally romantic ship, and the more they search the woods for each other to touching music, the less I care. When the shot panned out to show them standing across from each other before they sprang for each other, I actually uttered an "Oh no." This is precisely the stuff of romance novels. Stop it. I do not want this. This ship could be so much better than that.

Meanwhile, I had to wonder, couldn't they find a nicer place to have sex? I know that between the two of them they account for about 65% of the total parent population in Mystic Falls, but still. It's the middle of the day, and Tyler's house is huge. I'm sure they could go home without too much risk of being caught. #things that are not important #make this ship better and I might stop focusing on things like this #probably not

LOL, Matt's truck.

"It's sad that you can't just get a ride home from school without thinking there's some ulterior motive." Brb, crying. Because it IS so sad that Rebekah is so damaged. That the slightest kindness throws her, because even after a thousand years she's never really had that. But it's also so terribly tragic that Matt does have an ulterior motive. Rebekah shouldn't have to think like this. But she does, and she should, and her letting her guard down this time is a mistake. My poor girl.

Except, cool it with the song, show. All this "there is a good heart" and "REDEMPTIOOOONNNN" stuff is killing me a little. Remember that talk we had about subtext? Yeah, that.

Ughhhhh, Esther. I was not her greatest fan the first time around (I love me my Originals, man. Leave them be), but now I'm starting to actively dislike her. LEAVE MY REBEKAH ALONE. I am so beyond affronted that she possessed her. I can't even. But that's for later.

Elena, you would ask if Rose was lonely on the other side. Never change, my dear, but also, *facepalm.*

So I understand that it's necessary in these kinds of scenes for the ghost interpreter or what you will to paraphrase, since repeating everything our dearly departed spirit said would get a whole lot redundant for we privileged viewers. But it has always bothered me that the non-ghost-gifted people never actually get to hear what they're being told. If I were the ghost, I would be DEMANDING that my words were repeated verbatim. I've seen my fair share of ghost scenes, so this pet peeve is years old and very much not important. But what is this LJ for if not for me to rant about random things that have bothered me at some point in the last 10 years. You're welcome, loyal readers.

Hold up, isn't the Other Side the place for spirits with unresolved fates? I thought Jeremy couldn't contact ghosts who had crossed over into greater peace or whatever? And if Rose is so happy, why isn't she properly crossed over? #ghost problems

And ok, as much as I go crazy when the interpreter doesn't faithfully transmit the ghost messages, it was pretty hilarious watching Jeremy filter Rose. The sex appeal comment and Jeremy's look, just, "Seriously, lady? No. Just. No." A+++++.

But wow, Jeremy. You ARE dense. If you haven't noticed by now that Damon and Elena are a thing, well...you should smoke less, kid. You need all the brain cells you have left.

Alaric and Stefan are shaping up to be a fine bromance. Stefan showed some good insight with his Alterlaric analysis. It DOES make sense, and I like that they're addressing that Alterlaric is all the repressed parts of normal Alaric. The guy who came to Mystic Falls to kill Damon Salvatore (LOL). That quick of a turnaround is bound to have some effect on your psyche, and Alaric is a mess of all the things he thought he was or could be, compared (often unfavorably) to what he is. It's psychodrama, basically, which means I am happy.

Meanwhile, I am a bit conflicted about all the Other-ing going on. On the one hand, I don't fully believe Alterlaric IS Alaric. I mean, he is, but he's all the crazy parts condensed into one supernaturally heightened psychopath. It's not like being a vampire, because it's still not part of his nature. Yes, you might say that being a vampire is just all the crazy parts condensed into one supernaturally heightened psychopath too. But becoming a vampire changes your species. You become a literal predator, so those psychopathic instincts are an inherent part of your survival. Alaric is still human, so the supernatural effect IS separate to an extent, because Alaric is not a supernatural being. Take the ring off and he's a normal guy. So for once, I actually agree with Stefan when he absolves Alaric. BUT. Why did Alaric have to mention the vampire switch? I had this brief moment of desperate hope that Stefan would finally admit that there IS no switch, but...no go. Alas. I live in hope, as always. And to be fair, this episode at least admitted that Ripper Stefan will always be a part of Stefan. But I do so wish that someone would finally admit that they're not two separate beings. It's not a split-personality thing we've got going here. You're a vampire, Stefan. Live it, love it, don't be ashamed of who you are.

Ok, serious business time. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, STEFAN SALVATORE. Why, just, WHY would you tell Klaus about the bloodlines? Just..............EPIC FAIL. WHAT EVEN. WHAT. This is the classic fatal mistake of supervillains everywhere - they reveal the plan before the realization of said plan, informing the protagonist exactly how to stop them. The good guys aren't supposed to do this, though. Seriously, Stefan. What the fuck are you doing. There was NO logical reason for him to tell Klaus that. In fact, the only thing that could come of it would be Klaus being extra careful NOT to let Team Mystic Falls anywhere near ANY of the Originals, just in case. And this isn't even just a slip up that can be attributed to poor writing. This screws up their plan. Stefan's complete lack of judgment totally fucks over Damon and Elena, oh, and also, THEIR WHOLE PLAN. Just. I will never understand how Stefan could be that stupid. Just. WHAT???

Ughhhhhhh I can't even. Meanwhile. Klaus kills Alaric, because why not. Stefan doesn't even bother to look upset. It is what it is. I love vampires.

Brothership phonecall! It's precious. I do find it intriguing that Damon is clearly in on the plan to 'do whatever it takes' to bring Alterlaric out. Which nixes Stefan's whole reasoning for why he had to stay rather than Damon. Which just brings us back to the confusing S/E stuff, but whatever. It was an interesting moment.

LOL FOREVER at Stefan's face when Damon tells him they're at a motel. It's pretty much "Didn't I write a romance novel just like this?" Because you know Stefan wrote romance novels in the 70s or 80s. He had a whole series of male romantic leads named Stefano.

The Esther/Rebekah scene was a bit heartbreaking. I still find Esther's point of view to be interesting. She loves her children, but the whole "it shouldn't have been a thousand years" thing is very valid. No one should live that long, she's right - it doesn't make what she's doing right, but her reasoning is fascinating. And Rebekah's "But I haven't lived at all!" BREAK MY HEART MORE, WHY DON'T YOU. How does this girl do these things to me? My poor, tragic, lonely bb.

But then the scene got a bit silly when Esther just up and died. It makes a lot more sense now given the episode's end, but at the time I thought it sure was convenient that she lived just long enough for a heartfelt confession before dying on cue.

So where did Caroline and Tyler get all those blankets? Surely they haven't been storing bedding in the Lockwood werewolf dungeon.

How did Caroline have all that sex with those earrings on? More than that, how did she get her dress off in frenzied lust without knocking her earrings out? THESE EARRINGS ARE MAKING MY BRAIN HURT.

Still don't care about the Caro/Tyler stuff. The romance stuff is still problematic, and the exposition stuff is, well, expostion. But I do love this: "Damon doesn't care." BLESS. Thank god this show consistently maintains my awful brat prince. Damon is not going to suddenly start caring about people like Tyler. It doesn't matter to him if Tyler goes down in all of this. It's just collateral damage. Damon is semi-redeemed, and it still doesn't change him. It makes my heart sing.

Ok. So we're getting to that part of the episode where I lose brain function. But before that happens, two things:

Ian was looking FINE in this episode. Boy is always lovely, but he must have been working out a lot before this episode, and for that we thank him, because, GOD. The abs, just. Hello, six pack. It was nearly season 1 Damon in terms of form and function. It was a thing of beauty. BE SHIRTLESS FOREVER, DAMON. But seriously. Just. Unffffff.

And this. There are so many things to say about this scene, some intelligent, some just incoherent fangirl shrieks, but I have to say, I have NEVER seen such a fucking hot scene with no words. There was just something about this scene, seeing Damon as he is when he thinks no one's watching him, seeing Elena see that, her watching him, all the silent communication, everything wordless and intuitive, which is everything that D/E is, just. PERFECTION. Actual perfection. I am in love with this scene. Unbearably hot, but also beautiful and fascinating. Actually flawless. And that's just the first part.

I'm dividing this scene into three segments. The first is the aforementioned silent part that kills me dead. The second is the conversation. The third is...that other part. YOU KNOW THE ONE.

Ok, so let's do this. I will try to do this coherently. I will fail. You've been warned.

Damon comes out of the bathroom, and he looks fucking beautiful. Let's just get that out of the way. But there's also something terribly lovely about seeing Damon with his guard down. We all know how much of a performer Damon is. He's always posturing, playing, acting. But everyone's asleep (or so he thinks), so right now, Damon just is. And that's rare. And Elena opens her eyes, and she sees it. And she can't look away. She's never gotten this chance, never seen him just be. I rather love how the first thing he does (after getting himself a drink, naturally) is check the window. He's protecting them. He cares. And Elena sees. God, I'm obsessed with this. She can always see through him, but here she's literally seeing him open, because he doesn't know she's watching. He sits down and pours himself a drink, and there's something terribly tragic about Damon. He's weary, and he's sad. Being Damon is hard. He doesn't like for people to know how much it takes out of him, just being him. That's weakness, and weakness engenders pity, and Damon won't have that. But on his own, he can let it go, and Elena watches him and understands how exhausting it is for Damon to just exist.

And as for Elena, I adore how she turns to watch him. At first she's just tracking him through the room, but she gets caught, because this is a rare opportunity, and she falls into him, like she always does. She is rapt, drinking him in. It's terribly hot, honestly. But also gorgeous. Elena spends all her time trying NOT to look. It is too dangerous for her to even entertain the idea of Damon, so she works herself up around him, always furious or frustrated or annoyed. There always has to be a barrier between them, to keep her from getting too wrapped up in him. But much like Damon himself, this moment snuck up on her. She was asleep, or trying to fall asleep, and suddenly he's there, and she wasn't ready. She didn't have any of her defenses up. And there's no reason for her, no comment or action or look that she can roll her eyes at to regain her balance. He's just there, open and honest and there, and she can't. look. away.

But then he catches her. God, this scene is perfect. Because he sees her looking at him, and she closes her eyes, of course she does. Elena hides from him, that's how she survives. And he would have let her. There's this moment, after she's closed her eyes, when he's still looking at her, and he smiles, just a bit. He understands. This is the status quo. Damon has made it more than clear that he's done upsetting the balance. He's stepped back. He kissed Elena, she rejected him, he is sure she doesn't want him, so he's done. He knows that Elena has feelings for him. Just because Elena doesn't want to be with him, doesn't mean she doesn't want him. But he doesn't push. He can be this for her. So she closes her eyes, and he lets her. That could be that. But then she opens her eyes again.

Ohhhh, Elena. This is why she wanted Alaric to protest about the road trip. This is why she needed something to talk her out of this. Because she's here, with Damon, and she knows she shouldn't do this - she should just close her eyes and take the out and be done with it. But he's here, and it's them, and she just can't. She has spent so long fighting this, and she's losing her grasp on 'the right thing to do.' So she opens her eyes again, because she can feel him there, watching her, and she essentially invites him over. They have this GORGEOUS moment when they're finally just looking at each other, eye to eye, and they know. Their entire relationship is based on this understanding of theirs. Verbal communication is irrelevant to them - it only gets in the way. And they need it to, and they use it as the emotional barrier they require, but right now, in this moment, they know everything they need to know, just by meeting eye to eye.

Damon takes her invitation, because he might not be pushing her, but he's not a martyr. He's not going to pass up an open invitation like this. So he lies down next to her, and they've done this before, but this feels different. They're not bickering, no one's dying, the world isn't ending. They just want each other. This is the first time they've ever been operating on that notion at the same time. And it makes a world of difference.

PART 2! Elena asks him why he never told her about what he did for Rose, and he tells her it wasn't about her. I love this like crazy. Damon is the opposite of Stefan - he refuses to allow himself to wrap all his value around Elena. He cannot be reliant on her for humanity. Partly because he has no interest in actively seeking his humanity. It's there or it isn't - it's beyond his control. Right now, Damon feels it. It might be because of Elena, but he's not going to make it about her. He is his own person, and he will not let Elena dictate who he is, regardless of how he feels about her. But beyond that, he needs to tell her that this act of kindness wasn't about her, because it's important that she knows she can't change him. For every good thing he does, there are 10 terrible things he feels no remorse for. He does what he wants. Sometimes he wants to be kind. Sometimes not. It isn't about Elena. And for all that Damon's not pursuing her anymore, he needs her to know that. Because if they ever do happen, properly happen, he doesn't plan to change. She needs to love him as he is, the awful as well as the good, because that's who he is. So Elena asks him about this incredible thing that he did, and he shuts her down. Because it doesn't mean anything. It matters, but not in the way Elena's hoping it does. Damon will not let her fool herself about him.

And allow me to wax rhapsodic about this: "When people see good, they expect good. I don't want to have to live up to anyone's expectations." OH. Holy Perfection, Batman. This is FLAWLESS Damon characterization. I love love love that he doesn't deny that there's good in him. There is. But he doesn't want people to rely on it. Damon Salvatore is ridiculously self-aware. He knows all his strengths and all his flaws. He knows he can be good. But he also knows that he's selfish. He doesn't want to change for anyone else. Again, he is who he is. So the idea of having to live up to people's expectations is horrifying. He doesn't want to have to think about disappointing people. He would rather be prematurely condemned than try to do well and be condemned anyway. This is easier for him. Damon is flawed, and he knows it, but he doesn't care. So long as he accepts that he's flawed, he may continue to be so. So he admits that he doesn't want to have to try so much. It doesn't make it right. It just is. And it frustrates Elena, his unwillingness to compromise. But even worse, it doesn't change how she feels about him.

She turns away, because he makes her crazy, and he won't meet her halfway, and how is she supposed to be with him when he won't be what she thinks she wants him to be, but then he reaches down and takes her hand, and none of it matters. Because for all the thoughts and rationalization, this is just feeling, and she feels something for him. Whatever it is, it's intense, and no amount of him being obstinate can change it. And it shuts her down.

Guys. GUYS. Like everyone else, I had heard that a Florence + the Machine song would be played during a D/E scene. I sort of figured it would be in this episode, because this appears to be the flagship episode of D/E. We all had our speculations. Many people thought it would be "No Light, No Light," since the bright blue eyes business is so explicitly Damon. I figured it might be "Shake It Out" due to the sheer popularity of the song. But guys. "Never Let Me Go" cues in, an I DIE. I LEGIT DIE. Guys, "Never Let Me Go" is my secret favorite song of the album (and I love many of the songs). I am obsessed with this song. And just. In this scene, and this song, and these two...WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS THE WAY I FEEL. DYING. I NEED MORE FANDOM EXPRESSIONS TO DESCRIBE THE EXTENT OF MY FANGIRL FLAIL BECAUSE I NEVER KNEW WHAT EMOTIONS WERE UNTIL THIS MOMENT. I CAN'T. I ACTUALLY CAN'T.

But seriously, people, I honestly don't know if I've ever been so physically affected by a scene on this show to date. And I mean beyond just the pure lust feelings (which, also there, let's be honest, but still). My heart was RACING. Actually, though. My heartbeat was going crazy, and I was breathing hard right along with Elena, and it was INTENSE. Fucking flawless scene. Just.

So Damon sort of half-takes Elena's hand, and honest to god, I have never seen hotter hand-holding in my life. Trufact. And true to character as always, Elena freaks out. She starts panting (which, holy hell, HOW HOT WAS THAT?), and then she runs. Of course she runs. This is her last line of defense. She's breaking down, bit by bit, and she's closer than ever to jumping over that edge, and she can't, she just can't. Physical distance is her only hope. So she flees, and he follows her. Because he has to. He has stepped back, let her go, pushed her toward Stefan, all this operating under the essential understanding that she wants Stefan. Not that she doesn't want him - she does - but that she wants Stefan more. But if she doesn't? If she wants him most of all, if this insane moment in a motel room in the middle of fucking nowhere is her finally being honest with herself? He's not letting her run. Not from this.

I can't even understand how the universe gave me this scene. "Don't." "Why not?" OMG. THAT IS EVERYTHING D/E. Elena tries to stop this. She honestly does. She doesn't want this (she does and she doesn't and she does but god, it's just too much). But she is thisclose to giving in, and she can't. So Damon gives her one last chance. He asks why not, and this is her shot. She has a million reasons why not. She spends all her time thinking of MORE reasons why not. In terms of REASON, they're an impossibility. But you all know my motto for this ship. In spite of, in spite of, in spite of. There are reasons why not. But there is no reason in D/E. There is only feeling, and she feels this. Despite everything, she wants him. And finally, finally, she gives in. I'm not giving up, I'm just giving in. FLAWLESS.

Can we talk for a second about the fucking perfect setting? This dingy motel, and not even a room, but a hallway, with flashing fluorescent lights and dirty walls. This is anti-romance. We've already skipped over the motel room cliche. We passed that when Elena fled the scene. Hell, we passed that when Damon only rented one room. Sharing a room with your brother does not a romantic cliche make (even on this show). I particularly love the detail of the only half-working light in the background, the dying lightbulb. Nothing works here - this is a mistake, something to be brushed aside, not lauded. This isn't a fucking kiss in the rain, people. No, this is disaster all around them, nothing glamourous or functional or beautiful, and yet they still come together like two storms crashing together. In spite of. They aren't where they're supposed to be - they're in a hallway, a literal transition space, nowhere significant or permanent or important. But they're here, because nothing about them ever goes according to plan. They have no control over this - if they did, they would be somewhere real, or even better, this would never have happened at all. But these things happen to them, because this relationship is instinct, not reason, and this happened right now, in this moment, in this hallway. It's not romantic. But it's perfect.

Ok, let's overanalyze the kissing! Let's get one thing out of the way, obviously. HOLY FUCKING HOT. OH MY GOD HOW HAS ANYTHING EVER BEEN SO HOT. DYING. SO FUCKING HOT. Ok, so that's over. I have two favorite moments, plus an observation to prove my points. My FAVORITE favorite moment: when he pushes her against the wall, and his hand slaps up against it, and she reaches up to sort of touch his hand with hers. Just. THESE TWO AND HANDS. I may someday write an essay about these two and hands. It's my favorite thing. I'm just in love with this. If you didn't notice this, go back and watch it again. Not only is it unbearably hot. It's also totally gorgeous.

Next up, the observation. You know all this reason vs. feelings business I've been ranting about ad nauseum? There's this fantastic moment when Damon starts kissing down her neck, and Elena looks up, and she looks almost ill. She knows. She knows what's happening, she knows what it means, she understands that this one moment is undoing the literal years of work she's done repressing this thing between them. That look on her face? It's the REASON side of Elena. Bless you, Nina Dobrev. Flawlessly played. Because Elena is still entirely cognizant of what's happening. This is not a moment of folly, the two of them getting caught up in road trip romance and forgetting themselves. They're not. They know. They know what's happening here. The essential crux of it is, it doesn't matter. Reason has no bearing here. Elena can tell herself a thousand times not to do this. God knows she has. But it doesn't make a damn bit of difference. When it's just the two of them, they operate on feeling, and right now, they can't not act on it. Elena is still fully there mentally. But that doesn't mean she can stop herself. She closes her eyes again, because this is happening. It doesn't matter what she thinks - all that matters is how she feels, and this is how she feels. This is happening.

And my other favorite moment, which, naturally, is related. That last beat before the commercial break, they pause, and they look at each other. You know those thousands of kiss scenes we've all seen when the characters get caught up and start making out, and the second they take a breath and realize what they're doing they freak out and stop? This is not that moment. These are not those characters. Because, as I've been harping on over and over again, they know. They know exactly what is happening. And there is something unbelievably wonderful about Elena pausing, looking up at Damon, registering exactly what they're doing...and leaning back in for another kiss.

Brief moment of omg unfffffffff - Ian really goes for it when he does kissing scenes. Which, bless you, sir. You are a treasure. Damon is properly feeling her up, which, you know, in character, and also, YES PLEASE MORE OF THAT OMG I'LL BE IN MY BUNK.

Back to the start of this glorious scene, I forgot to mention that it is fucking perfect that Elena initiated this. Like a lot of people, I figured that the next time they kissed, it would have to be Elena who made the first move. And boy was this perfect. I was not overjoyed by the 3x10 kiss for a whole host of reasons, the primary being that I was sure that it was not the kind of ship-affirming kiss that D/E fans were clamoring for. This was. This absofuckinglutely was, so rejoice, fellow shippers. WE WIN.

It takes Jeremy to put this to a halt. Which is actually amazing. Because Elena couldn't stop this. In this one glorious instant, Elena lets herself admit that reasons aren't enough, and that she feels this, wants this, for herself. But when you add other people into the mix? THAT is enough to tear Elena away. Other people make things complicated. They bring a thousand more reasons why not. And it's easier for her to heed those, because Elena is better at acting for others than she is at acting for herself. If this thing hurts Jeremy, that's enough to drive all the reasoning home, at least for now. That's not to say that it DOES hurt Jeremy, but Elena will always believe that people will never be able to accept her being with Damon, because other people aren't like her. Without this all-consuming pull toward Damon, how could they ever forgive him the horrible things he's done? She will repeat this to herself like a mantra for as long as it keeps working. She needs to stay away from him for Jeremy, for Stefan, for Bonnie, for Caroline, for everyone. Because it isn't enough to tell herself she can't want him when she so clearly does. But she will do anything for her family, so she will make this about her family. It's her only chance.

Ok, I sincerely apologize for how much I've written about this one scene. This is beyond absurd. I will endeavor to be more filtered in the remaining discussion, because I'm actually going to run out of time and I need to just post this recap before it kills me. This is the problem with huge pivotal scenes happening in the middle of the episode. I'm spending all my energy. But I wouldn't change a thing.

One last note on my viewing habits: I try not to interrupt the flow of my viewing too much. Yes, I pause, I rewind certain lines, I take a moment to get a drink, reapply chapstick, flail about the house. But I try to get through at least a first consecutive viewing before I fangirl everywhere. This scene? Not a chance. I watched it three times before I could even move beyond the commercial break. I took a break between the second and third watch to actually run around my house jumping and flailing (ok, so not around my house, but I made it through at least three rooms in my quest for more juice). Basically, my fragile body could not handle all the things I was feeling. Never has a scene shut me down so thoroughly. That's three fucking years of foreplay for you, I suppose.

God, even now, I'm supposed to be moving on, but I just KEEP REWATCHING this damn scene. What do I even do.

LOLOLOL poor Damon. Forever cockblocked. Though I do have to question Rose choosing this exact moment to reveal Mary's whereabouts. Come on, Rose. You're a better shipper than that. And you're finally getting some good voyeuristic opportunities. What are you doing, lady? #the things you think about after you've watched this scene 8 MILLION times

Don't you get all judge-y, Jeremy Gilbert. I may or may not have shouted to my screen "Don't you ruin this for me, Jeremy!" I love the kid, I do. But do not get in the way of my OTP. I will CUT you.

Stefan's a fast reader! It's cute/hot. Whatever, leave me alone.

Damn, damn it all, there's still SO much to talk about. The Stefan/Alaric stuff is AWESOME. Seriously, Matt Davis, well done. Alaric prodding Stefan into trying to kill him was just phenomenal. That look of masochistic borderline psychopathic enjoyment that he clearly learned from Damon was the greatest. Also A+++ to the scene cutting away just as Stefan hits him. Well done to all departments, show!

Damon telling Jeremy not to be a dick? SERIOUSLY, DAMON/JEREMY, IT IS EVERYWHERE.

Ngl, I did side-eye Damon letting Elena come into the house. How is Elena any more equipped to handle vampires than Jeremy is? Yes, she's been training, but isn't Damon the ultimate proponent for the Stay In The Car Strategy of Keeping the Gilberts Alive?

Mary's house was pretty creepy (so was her corpse nailed to the wall). I love it when this show brings actual horror to the mix.

"I said creepy, not ugly." NEVER LEAVE ME, DAMON. TO ME, YOU ARE PERFECT.

So we have a good and a bad to this next Stefan/Alaric scene. The overwhelming, seal-clap-making good? Stefan actually struggling with his bloodlust!!!!!!!!!!! HUZZAH. So much better than that ridiculous Meredith scene in which he had no issue whatsoever after one solitary half-failed lesson in control. "You're past that." "No, I'm not." YESSSSSSSSSSSS. Good. And Alaric telling him to give into the Ripper? FANTASTIC. Seriously, Alaric was incredible in this episode. Also, Stefan's little frustrated growl when he was being baited? Hot. Very hot.

The very, very bad? Stefan manages to bring out Altarlaric without doing any of that awesome stuff. Even after all that excellent talk, he just pushes Alaric into the wall and presto, problem solved. Which.........oh well. Didn't we almost have it all.

Kol taunts our heroes and withholds all the salient information. Oh, look, Stefan's idiocy is seriously fucking with our plans. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, STEFAN SALVATORE? I can't even with that.

Kol beats Damon up, and I enjoy it, as I do. But OUCH, he goes for the kneecaps. My sympathies, Mr. Salvatore. I also must say, I love that they do the whole Elena gets hurt, Damon tries to rally to protect her, and then he STILL gets beat down. I found the whole Caro being able to beat Damon in 3x04 because she was angrier thing to be terribly silly. Older equals stronger. Kol should be able to destroy Damon. The fact that Damon is still winning their head-to-head count is already toeing the line to implausibility. So huzzah for yet another romantic cliche being torn to shreds upon encountering the D/E juggernaut.

Meanwhile, Stefan properly beats Alaric up, and it's a pretty good time. Have I ever mentioned how much I love how this show does blood? It's awesome. Alaric's bloody, gruesome mouth was great.

Also, Damon snapping his broken arm back into place? THE BEST.

OK ONE MORE OTP SCENE. Almost. I love love love how Damon and Elena are all tender with each other for one moment, and it's not because they just made out, it's because this is how they always are. They take care of each other like this. He cups her face, and she lets it happen, because this is NORMAL for them. She only breaks the contact because of what happened. Damon and Elena, the only couple who becomes LESS romantic after they kiss.

And remember my thing about the hands? CHECK OUT THE HANDS. Damon has his face on her cheek, and she just reaches up and takes it. I will never not love this. It is quite honestly one of my favorite things about them. They're always holding each other's hands in one way or another. So for a second, they act like they always do, close and gentle and intimate, before Elena remembers and pulls away in every sense. But for that second, they're just Damon and Elena, as usual.

So Damon asks "What are you doing?" and you know what? It's a fair question. They've been dancing around each other forever, but finally, he has a right to ask, "What the hell is this?" Power to you, boy.

And Elena takes the coward's way. Stefan thinks she has feelings for Damon - make it about Stefan, fine. Filter it as many ways as you can, anything to dilute this raw intensity between the two of you. She's hiding, like she always is. Though I have to ask, how can anyone doubt that she has feelings for him after that display at the motel? She answers that she doesn't know if she has feelings for him, and I'm just like, come on, girl. Really? Come on.

Damon's little 'hmm' as he figures everything out? Hot hot hot. Smart Damon, just........A Farewell To Panties.

Also, his angry face and his forceful "Am I wrong?"'s - HOW SO HOT, MR. SALVATORE? He's such a glorious dick in this scene. He's also absolutely justified in everything he's saying. But he's got the bitch!face down to an art form. I love this boy beyond reason.

Ok, so, unsurprisingly, I love everything about this scene. Everything. Only this show could pull such a huge move on the D/E front and still have them both acting so blissfully in character. Elena was banking on Damon screwing this up. This is why she let this trip happen, staged the motel, everything - this could have been her exception. It could have been one of those crazy mistakes that happen in novels and on TV. She was relying on Damon playing the role she'd cast him in, and up til now, he'd been happy to play it. But after this? After that moment in the motel hallway that wasn't staged, wasn't anything but real and true and intense and wonderful? He will not let her run away like this. He will not give her the out she's asking for.

But I love that Elena was using who he portrays himself as against him. He is the screw-up, the guy who acts out, the problem, and she needs him to continue so they can get back to the status quo. This is farther than she's ever let them go before, so she needs him to fuck up extra. But he's not buying into it - he will not revert to a coda that exploded an hour ago under fluorescent lights and crushing expectations.

A whole army of awards to Ian for that gorgeous moment when he asks "What if I didn't?" He steps into her space, and he's challenging her and accusing her, but there's also this undercurrent of desperate hope, and it is heartbreaking and absolutely flawless. And she has no idea what she'd do. This is new territory for them both. This is going to unmake their relationship in a way that even Jeremy's neck!snapping didn't. This is a fundamental shift, and I am going to love every second of it.

Last of all, I seriously love how Damon NOT screwing up is actually the far scarier path. It's easy for Damon to do what she expects him to do, to fuck up and let them both off the hook. But to control himself? That's much harder. This is work, this is sacrifice and self-denial and effort. I love that it isn't just Damon tasking Elena to deal with her feelings. He's in this too - he will struggle for this. And some of it is to spite her, which makes it that much more awesome. But most of it is that, as always, Damon is painfully self-aware. If Elena has to deal with her defense mechanisms, he will too.

The Klefan scene hurt my heart a little. The way Klaus's face falls when Stefan says he can't control him anymore? Ouch. I am torn about Stefan's speech. On the one hand, yay accepting the Ripper side of you! But...have you really? And can it really not control you anymore? Is that the end of the arc? I still don't see how Stefan can be over it all yet. And he can't have really accepted the Ripper parts of him until he starts taking responsibility for what he did as a Ripper. And I mean more than just random acknowledgements that he killed people. Let's talk about Wickery Bridge. Let's talk about Dana and rando from 3x05. Let's talk about all the people he tore up over the summer. It has to be more than just a reference. Let's deal, Stefan. You want to accept that the Ripper is a part of you? Accept it.

Even when Damon is mad at Elena, she still gets shotgun. Cute. Anyway, Rose appears to Jeremy, and she tells him all about my ship. I am a bit conflicted about this scene (so much conflict today!). She's pretty much just saying the things I've been shouting from the rooftops for 2 years. So that's good, I guess. But...this was the closest to fanservice I've ever felt for D/E, and while sometimes the relentless anti-D/E that happens on this show wears at me, I do appreciate that we're not the ship that has to be catered to. So I agree with everything Rose said, but there was something a bit...overdone about it. That being said, it does give me faith that the writers understand D/E to a point. I'm a bit *headdesk* about the drivel about Stefan's love being pure, though. I can't for the life of me understand how after all this anyone could still buy that Stefan's love is entirely unselfish and untainted. It's real, but it's not pure. Nothing is pure on this show. Come on now.

I did like how the show finally acknowledged outright that Damon changes Elena too. I have had enough of people talking about how Elena affects Damon. I know, we get it, I'm over it. It's good to see someone acknowledging that The Disastrous Accident (TM Alex) is a two-way street.

So it's strange. I sort of loved everything she said on its own, but I didn't love the scene? Let me put it this way: I've never  found it more possible to believe that D/E is endgame on this show. And for some reason it unsettled me. Probably because I am the worst shipper ever.

But just a brief shout-out to Rose, The Biggest D/E Shipper in the Universe. I actually find it hilarious how hardcore Rose ships D/E. I bet she writes D/E fanfic on the Other Side.

And lastly, I have to admit, I love this line, because, well, yes. "Damon is either the best thing for her, or the worst."

OTP, BITCHES. QED.

So Tyler and Caroline continue to be super couple-y, and I continue to just not care that much. Maybe I just check out of a ship if it takes them under two years to get together? Who knows. I really am the worst shipper ever.

LOLing forever at Caro keeping the drawing next to her bed. Just. Really?

How did Tyler know immediately that Klaus drew it? DID KLAUS DRAW TYLER THINGS TOO? Omg, I can see it all. Klaus totally sketched Tyler while he was waiting for his house to be renovated. This is what the sire bond is for. Free models.

See, but this is what I'm talking about. Tyler gets all irrationally upset about Caroline keeping the drawing, and I just o_O at him, because seriously? This is Caroline we're talking about. Have a little faith, man. Not to mention, she's telling the truth. Absolutely NOTHING happened. As much as I enjoy Klaroline in a lolzy way, they are not a real ship. Caroline has zero interest in Klaus. So seeing Tyler get jealous just made me shake my head in bemusement. This is exactly the kind of manufactured typical TV romance drama that I thank the stars every day D/E eschews. I might expect to see this kind of overblown reaction to nothing on Gossip Girl or something. But it has no place on TVD. Caroline/Tyler could have been SO great...but instead it's this. Shame, really.

The second Rebekah (RebEsther? I'll work on it) stopped at the doorway, I knew she'd manage to get in somehow. That's a case of the camera work giving away the plot twist. But whatever. It didn't give away the whole plot twist, so it's cool.

Lots of points for RebekEsther (any better? Worse, probably) using the word 'tenuous.' I love that word.

My first reaction to the twist was genuine horror, because, NOOOO MY GIRL. I want my Rebekah back! I very much hope this possession is neither permanent nor harmful for Rebekah. If she gets killed to take Esther down, I will be rather heartbroken.

On second watch, I must say, props to Claire Holt, flawless as always. She actually does a lovely job becoming Esther-like. She has a way of softening her speech and adding a certain lilt that really does make a difference. My Australian Queen, you bring light to my life.

Ok. So. That's that. This episode was...I don't even have coherent thoughts about this episode. It might have been absolute rubbish beyond...the obvious thing, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't. It had its moments here or there, and I hate to say it, but the Caroline/Tyler was not up to par with the rest of the storylines. THAT was serious fanservice. They served little to no point, really. But the Stefan/Alaric stuff was fantastic. The Esther twist gives us a drive to carry us through at least the next episode. And...the other thing...

I can't even, you guys. It has been so long since I've started this recap that I can't even remember what I wanted to say at the beginning. You know who I am. You know how I feel. I wish I could be more coherent here, but I'm just...this episode happened. It actually happened. And I will die for my damn OTP. There's nothing I can do. I'm helpless in the matter. I will go down with this ship.

And to conclude: guys, it's happened. I am officially the worst. This recap is 10,775 WORDS. FUCK. I AM SO, SO SORRY. I would promise never to do it again, but I can't be held responsible for whatever the finale does to me. But this? Is gross. A thousand apologies. In fact, 10,775 apologies. Blame fucking Damon and Elena. THEY'RE LIFE-RUINERS. THEY RUIN PEOPLE'S LIVES.

If you got through this recap and wish to request something, go right ahead. You've earned it. Want fic, a song mix, an earnest promise to never do this again? I will deliver (except on that last one...).

That's all, folks.