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Transformers 2: Revenge Of The Fallen MOVIE REVIEW
I went to this movie for three reasons:
• The German National Front, I MEAN- The Centre Daily Times hooked me up with free tickets
• Underground rapper Cage Kennylz makes a cameo appearance
(I missed it, cuz I was peeing)
• Darius McCrary (Eddie from “Family Matters”) plays the voice of Jazz. (Jazz was apparently killed off in the first movie. No one bothered to tell me this, of course. I had to Wikipedia it)
So, I squander an evening to see Transformers 2: b.k.a “Who Wants To Watch Megan Fox Bend Over?” When I arrived at the theatre, I made the mistake of using some very vulgar language in the snack line, and my date advised me to sit by myself during the film. As I’m not clingy, I heeded her demand.
There was one noteworthy preview in the “Coming Attractions” segment, for M. Night Shama-lama-ding dong’s “The Last Air Bender,” which is about an entire army trying to kill this little Korean Boy, probably because he said bad things about them on his Twitter. That movie doesn’t come out till 2010, so thanks for getting my hopes up : (
Transformers 2 sees Shia Lebeouf (whose name is Yiddish for “Naw, it’s cool, I’m good to drive. I’m not THAT drunk”) returning as Sam Whitwitty, intoxicated with power from plowing Megan Fox and driving a robot car that was sold to him by Bernie Mac (R.I.P.) His father, Ron Witwicky, is still head of the neighborhood watch. Considering the fact that five giant robots had tag team sex in his backyard in the first film and he didn't even know it, it’s good to see the right people are keeping their jobs in this tough economy. Sam’s mother, Judy, like most Catholic white women, is struggling with a midlife crisis, which she alleviates by eating a pot brownie and audibly detailing her son’s sexual history.
Sam and Michaela vow to keep their relationship steady, even as Sam departs for college (in New York, allegedly, even though all the buildings look like they’re in Rome). Sam’s roommate is a minority Arab/Spaniard named Leo, who, in a very, very unwise move, will play a big supporting in the film and later develop a gay relationship with John Turturro (spoiler alert). The boys have a mountain Dew vending machine in the dorm (do what you will with that info). Dwite Schrute also makes an appearance as Sam’s professor, whose lecture is interrupted when Sam gets a very bad case of diarrhea and makes some very silly faces.
What could have been a mildly funny comedy about the sexual misadventures of freshmen (“Even Stevens Goes To College!”) is ruined by- you guessed it- the actual transformers. Red white and blue as ever, Autobots leader and registered Republican Optimus Primal continues his quest in battling the socialist Decepticons, who have found an ally in President No-bama. Interesting to note, that Megatron and Star Scream have a very Chris Brown-ish/Rhiana-ish relationship. There are also two new good guy robots who talk like Negros and wore my patience incredibly thin (spoiler alert- they both survive in the end). Walt Disney already tried that with the crows in Dumbo, Mr. Michael Bay! And he did it much, much better.
So the big robots fight a lot and smash buildings and pyramids and burn down homes (not even Nittany Line Hobbies & Toys is spared!) and look for golden dust or whatever. At times, the action was such a clusterfuck- I couldn’t even tell who was fighting who, LOL! I feel like some of the dialogue was taken verbatim from a 15 year old girl’s live journal, and the rest from a recruiting poster for the air force.
Despite it being a hot, hot mess- “Transformers 2: They’re Just Not That Into You” has enough LOLs, a few intense jumpy moments, and surprising, less Nickelback music than I expected. On The Danny K fun scale (10- getting laid on your birthday; 1- hanging out with your grandparents on a humid afternoon) “Transformers 2” rates a 6.5 (Meeting some Jamaicans on a drunken walk home!)
I went to this movie for three reasons:
• The German National Front, I MEAN- The Centre Daily Times hooked me up with free tickets
• Underground rapper Cage Kennylz makes a cameo appearance
(I missed it, cuz I was peeing)
• Darius McCrary (Eddie from “Family Matters”) plays the voice of Jazz. (Jazz was apparently killed off in the first movie. No one bothered to tell me this, of course. I had to Wikipedia it)
So, I squander an evening to see Transformers 2: b.k.a “Who Wants To Watch Megan Fox Bend Over?” When I arrived at the theatre, I made the mistake of using some very vulgar language in the snack line, and my date advised me to sit by myself during the film. As I’m not clingy, I heeded her demand.
There was one noteworthy preview in the “Coming Attractions” segment, for M. Night Shama-lama-ding dong’s “The Last Air Bender,” which is about an entire army trying to kill this little Korean Boy, probably because he said bad things about them on his Twitter. That movie doesn’t come out till 2010, so thanks for getting my hopes up : (
Transformers 2 sees Shia Lebeouf (whose name is Yiddish for “Naw, it’s cool, I’m good to drive. I’m not THAT drunk”) returning as Sam Whitwitty, intoxicated with power from plowing Megan Fox and driving a robot car that was sold to him by Bernie Mac (R.I.P.) His father, Ron Witwicky, is still head of the neighborhood watch. Considering the fact that five giant robots had tag team sex in his backyard in the first film and he didn't even know it, it’s good to see the right people are keeping their jobs in this tough economy. Sam’s mother, Judy, like most Catholic white women, is struggling with a midlife crisis, which she alleviates by eating a pot brownie and audibly detailing her son’s sexual history.
Sam and Michaela vow to keep their relationship steady, even as Sam departs for college (in New York, allegedly, even though all the buildings look like they’re in Rome). Sam’s roommate is a minority Arab/Spaniard named Leo, who, in a very, very unwise move, will play a big supporting in the film and later develop a gay relationship with John Turturro (spoiler alert). The boys have a mountain Dew vending machine in the dorm (do what you will with that info). Dwite Schrute also makes an appearance as Sam’s professor, whose lecture is interrupted when Sam gets a very bad case of diarrhea and makes some very silly faces.
What could have been a mildly funny comedy about the sexual misadventures of freshmen (“Even Stevens Goes To College!”) is ruined by- you guessed it- the actual transformers. Red white and blue as ever, Autobots leader and registered Republican Optimus Primal continues his quest in battling the socialist Decepticons, who have found an ally in President No-bama. Interesting to note, that Megatron and Star Scream have a very Chris Brown-ish/Rhiana-ish relationship. There are also two new good guy robots who talk like Negros and wore my patience incredibly thin (spoiler alert- they both survive in the end). Walt Disney already tried that with the crows in Dumbo, Mr. Michael Bay! And he did it much, much better.
So the big robots fight a lot and smash buildings and pyramids and burn down homes (not even Nittany Line Hobbies & Toys is spared!) and look for golden dust or whatever. At times, the action was such a clusterfuck- I couldn’t even tell who was fighting who, LOL! I feel like some of the dialogue was taken verbatim from a 15 year old girl’s live journal, and the rest from a recruiting poster for the air force.
Despite it being a hot, hot mess- “Transformers 2: They’re Just Not That Into You” has enough LOLs, a few intense jumpy moments, and surprising, less Nickelback music than I expected. On The Danny K fun scale (10- getting laid on your birthday; 1- hanging out with your grandparents on a humid afternoon) “Transformers 2” rates a 6.5 (Meeting some Jamaicans on a drunken walk home!)