on masochism in elevator rides
There are certain rules to etiquette that most everyone does or at least should follow. One such rule is that when entering an elevator, the nearest person to the door enters first. Men sometimes override this rule by allowing a woman standing farther away to enter first. Allowing someone to go before you is an acceptable practice so long as the other person is one of the following: elderly, with child, pregnant, or somehow with disability.
That said, it pisses me off when people arrive at the elevator after you and try to hop on first. This woman in particular saw me approach the elevator door and pause due to an impending collision prompting her to say, “oh, no you can go first.” Oh. I can? You mean, you give me your permission She-who-has-decided-to-override-the-unspoken-rules-of-riding-the-elevator? So generous of you.
As if that weren’t enough to earn a spot on my list (today that list includes Katie’s phone and Gwyneth Paltrow), she and her companion have the following conversation in the elevator:
Affront to Humanity: So Stacey is taking Calculus at 3PM. I told her it was a terrible idea, that’s when you take a nap. She has history at 10AM; I think she should switch them.
Accomplice: That is a rough time to have such a hard subject, too. Calculus is some difficult stuff.
Affront: I know! I made it all the way through college without taking math once!
Accomplice: I had to take Calculus when I was pre-med but I dropped it after I changed my major.
Affront: I did take Statistics twice. Not because I failed it, but because I didn’t get a high enough grade for my GPA. That is probably the most dreadful class I think everybody has to take.
Accomplice: You couldn’t pay me enough to take that class.
Rip my still-beating heart out of my chest and stomp on it with your Shoe Carnival-purchased stilettos why don’t you? I don’t enter (out of turn) your elevator and insult the single most defining subject of your entire college career and life in mixed company. I was raised better than that. I have two things you don’t: manners, and an innate ability to do math. Fuck you.
The door opened and I left the elevator.
That said, it pisses me off when people arrive at the elevator after you and try to hop on first. This woman in particular saw me approach the elevator door and pause due to an impending collision prompting her to say, “oh, no you can go first.” Oh. I can? You mean, you give me your permission She-who-has-decided-to-override-the-unspoken-rules-of-riding-the-elevator? So generous of you.
As if that weren’t enough to earn a spot on my list (today that list includes Katie’s phone and Gwyneth Paltrow), she and her companion have the following conversation in the elevator:
Affront to Humanity: So Stacey is taking Calculus at 3PM. I told her it was a terrible idea, that’s when you take a nap. She has history at 10AM; I think she should switch them.
Accomplice: That is a rough time to have such a hard subject, too. Calculus is some difficult stuff.
Affront: I know! I made it all the way through college without taking math once!
Accomplice: I had to take Calculus when I was pre-med but I dropped it after I changed my major.
Affront: I did take Statistics twice. Not because I failed it, but because I didn’t get a high enough grade for my GPA. That is probably the most dreadful class I think everybody has to take.
Accomplice: You couldn’t pay me enough to take that class.
Rip my still-beating heart out of my chest and stomp on it with your Shoe Carnival-purchased stilettos why don’t you? I don’t enter (out of turn) your elevator and insult the single most defining subject of your entire college career and life in mixed company. I was raised better than that. I have two things you don’t: manners, and an innate ability to do math. Fuck you.
The door opened and I left the elevator.