Iowa City and back
I’ll get my update out of the way now so I don’t have an excuse to be lazy at work later. Plus, Shannon’s not here yet, so I need not feel so guilty.
What a ridiculously crazy few days I’ve had. The biggest deal was, of course, the trip to Iowa City. That was a very up and down 36-hour period. Lots of wonderful visits with wonderful people, lots of things to remember and revisit, lots of things to miss. It brought a lot of things that I’ve been wrestling with in the back of my mind right up to the surface, which is a good thing, I think, but not so easy. We got in Friday night at around 10:30 (rush hour traffic out of St. Louis was AWFUL), dropped Amy and Casey’s stuff off at his old apartment, which is now Riley’s. Man, was that ever weird, and I only lived there a month or so. I can only imagine how weird it was for Casey and Amy. We arrived at West as Three Sisters was ending. Immediately, I felt both thrilled to see these people I’d missed so much, and left out of something that I once felt so intrinsically a part of. It was like that all weekend, really, right up til we saw the show. But I’ll get there soon.
So, Friday night was crazy weird. The show ended, and all these people we know start coming out of the theater, and I had no idea what to do, so I clung to Amy and greeted some people and caught them up on what we were up to. Casey was much better and just jumping in and saying hi to people. I’m so glad he got to see Ralph, even if it was just for a few minutes. I know how important that was to him.
We cleared out of West and went back to David Cox’s apartment, where I’d be staying the weekend. Let me say now how great David is, and how much I missed him without realizing it. He is so funny, and he was a wonderful host for the weekend. I really do hope he comes and stays with us for a while in January. I think that’d be a blast. We got back to his place, dropped off my stuff, and we all hung out in his living room and had a drink. I also must point out how grown up I felt when I saw that apartment, because it was the textbook definition of a college apartment: pretty much no furniture anywhere, things piling up in the kitchen, and a really gross bathroom. But if I were still in school, I would be totally ok with that. The difference between that and the home we have now is tremendous, and seeing that really stark contrast made me appreciate how much the real world has made us grow up.
After lots of laughing and catching up at David’s, we went to the restaurant that had been rented out for the Three Sisters opening party. That’s where Casey and I really got to make the rounds and see people we missed. There were so many more than I could have even tried to remember in St. Louis, and it was a great chance to mingle and tell people how well we’ve been doing here. Cynthia and Ethan were the highlights of the evening for me. I was craving an Ethan Mentor Talk, and I just adore Cynthia for all that she is, good and bad. We made plans to eat dinner on Saturday before the show with Cynthia and her new boyfriend who is also a Casey (so weird!), and Casey found John-Michael to make plans with him to view the parts of Diary… that he’s cut together. We headed out at around 1 AM, had a brief encounter with a policeman about my expired plates, and eventually all got home.
Saturday was kind of wild for me mood-wise. I got up earlier than I thought I would and got dressed, which was a much more planned event than usual. I packed really carefully for this trip because I wanted everyone to see me as a successful professional actor who is doing well in the world. This meant really thinking through all the clothes I’d wear that weekend, and I think it worked. I had quite a few people tell me that I looked great or had noticeably lost weight, so I think I did well. Anyhow, despite how involved getting dressed and ready took, I was still ready for the day a good half hour before Casey was going to pick me up after dropping Amy off at Cornell. I was feeling all kinds of antsy and weird, so I decided to take a walk around David’s neighborhood, which helped, I think. Casey came and got me, and we drove to John-Michael’s but got there about a half hour too soon. A perfect excuse for a walk down the river to wave hello to the Theatre Building. I was all mopey and sad by then, though I have no clue why, and Casey talked me through a lot of it, just reminding me that this trip was whatever I chose to make it. Which is true, as usual.
I left him with the car at JM’s and walked downtown to eat at PANCHERO’S (!), which I missed more than I’ve ever missed any kind of food before in my life. Silly, but true. After that, I was just waiting for Casey to be done at JM’s, and I was in need of caffeine, so I decided to go to the used bookstore at Market and Linn and then do some reading and coffee-drinking at T-Spoon’s. Little did I know that T-Spoon’s has become the new TB Lobby! It makes perfect sense, as it’s right across from the space about Devotay where most of the classrooms and offices have moved, but it never even occurred to me that there would be a new theatre hang out area. But it’s got caffeine and chairs, so why not? This is where I ran into a bunch of theatre folks, and maybe most exciting of all, where I bumped into JOHN CAMERON! It was perfect timing, because five minutes later he would have been gone and I wouldn’t have seen him at all, which means I wouldn’t have been able to tell Casey where to find him about an hour later. Casey wanted to see him and check in with him so badly, and I think the fates agreed, because all those coincidences come from somewhere. I got a much warmer, happier reception from John than I ever expected, and I suddenly felt closer to his peer than his student. I guess that makes sense, because we’re out doing the real thing now, and that means something to the people who have done that, too. That was a really great surprise.
Casey got back from his John visit, and we had some time to kill before dinner, so we decided to get Casey some pre-dinner food. Where, you ask? Why, Panchero’s, of course! He knows the good stuff as well as I do. Then we wandered around downtown, visited Ragstock, got Amy some blueberry granola from the Co-op, sifted through a TON of plays at the Haunted Bookstore, and then finally took off for Old Chicago. When I left town, the whole strip smelled like fish, so it was great to see that whole area looking like itself again. We got there before Cynthia and Casey 2, so we watched some of the Iowa game and talked about nothing in particular (I’m so glad we’re back to that, by the way, and not just coaching me through bouts of depression), and then Cynthia and Casey 2 arrived. I had not been able to get a decent read on him the night before; he was pretty guarded and quiet in the midst of all those crazy theatre personalities. He opened up a lot more at dinner, and I can see why Cynthia would want to be with someone so outside the theatre world. It’s probably a lot more stable for her, which she needs. It’ll be the longest relationship he’s ever had by Thanksgiving. She seemed more balanced and healthy than I’ve seen her in a long time. We talked about the show, about football, about St. Louis, about UFC, and, well, a lot of things. A wonderful dinner, all in all, and I’m always happy to spend some intimate time with Cynthia.
We took off at around 6:00, which left us with some time before we needed to leave for the show, so we went back to Casey’s old place to just hang before leaving for West. Then we got in the car, headed out, and had the realization that the football game meant bumper to bumper traffic and closing Melrose. It took us 45 minutes to get to West, no lie, so I’m glad we left when we did. And it gave us some more time to reflect and talk, which I know I needed with all the nostalgia and chaos of the weekend. We got to use our green cards (yay free theatre!), got seated, and I was freaking pumped as house lights dimmed. Casey said it was like I was getting revved up for some sort of sporting event and that all I needed was a big foam finger. I’d like to say he exaggerated, but probably not.
Three Sisters was, without a doubt, the best thing I’ve ever seen onstage. I expected it to be excellent, because Eric was the captain of the ship and his cast was a phenomenal group, but it exceeded all my expectations. I’m also proud to say that, without bias, Cynthia gave the strongest performance in the show. She was closely seconded by a lot of people, but the depth and richness of her performance was extraordinary. I didn’t think she had it in her to be that sincerely naïve, to be innocent enough to experience so many things in the world for the first time. She nailed it. They all did. Well, almost. Ethan just didn’t do it for me. His drunk monologue was striking and gorgeous, but most everything else felt so false and disconnected. Nick was the same way. I really wanted to enjoy him and see him at his best as an actor, and at first I thought it might work. The first act had a lot of cool stuff from him just chilling in the corner and spouting all those weird Solyony lines. But when he had to confess his love and was rejected by Irina, nothing happened to him. This is the only point in the show when that character actually opens up and gives something true and vulnerable. To be turned down in such a state would be a crushing blow, which is where the threat of killing anyone she’s with comes from. He went all general-angry and moustache-twirling villain, which has always been Nick’s biggest weakness. And in the midst of so many stellar performances, those two stood out as being less than average. Rebekah and Brad broke my heart. Masha and Vershinin is my favorite love story in all things fictional, and they had it down. The Act IV goodbye was everything that moment could be. Brandon was a rich, sweet, sad Kulygin; Martin made Andrey interesting in a way he never was to me on the page; Helen showed us a huge journey in Natasha; Sarah kept up with Cynthia and Rebekah so that she never pulled me out (which is saying something, I promise); Carol was RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME as Nana, a character that could have been dismissed and ended up being one of the most memorable people in the show; Pinsof knocked me out as Tuzenbach, doing the best work I’ve ever seen him do and doing justice to the idealism and sweetness of that character; Cox did some great work on that breakdown, which is no easy feat; and like I said, Cynthia played a beautiful, heartbroken Irina. I saw different person out on that stage. She was totally transformed, and I am so glad to know that she has that kind of range, talent, and heart in her. It was, simply put, the most beautiful theatre I’ve ever seen.
Following the show was catching up with Cynthia at Sanctuary and talking about the show with her, Casey 2, David Tull, Kate, and Bocade. I miss being around so many people for whom theatre is so important that it requires hours of serious discussion. It’s something I didn’t appreciate nearly as much as I should have when I was in school. Casey and Amy caught up with us there (he went to Mt. Vernon and brought Amy back for the night) and hung out for a while, but they were tired and went home fairly soon after that. We split from Sanctuary, and I said goodbye to Cynthia with hugs and kisses and lots of love. Then over to where the rest of the party was at Old Capitol Brewery, where I had a couple of really good talks with Sarah McDermott and Stephani Daft. It was about 2 AM when about a dozen of us decided to go to Village Inn. I am so glad I decided to do that. It gave me a chance to just have fun with a bunch of the grad girls (Rebekah, Deonna, Megha, Bocade, and Hannah) and to catch up with Kizzy and Spencer, who always crack me up. Rebekah drove me home, and I realized then how much I missed her and enjoy her whenever I’m around her. She dropped me off at David’s and gave me a big hug, and went in and got to bed around 3:30. I knew we were supposed to be leaving at 6, and my body was too paranoid about waking up on time to really let me sleep, so I was running on less than two hours of sleep when Amy and Casey picked me up. I felt awful about not saying to goodbye to David and thanking him for putting me up, but I would have felt even worse about waking him at 6 AM.
The drive back consisted of a really good talk with Casey about the show, which was such a different experience for him than it was for me; another run-in with the police (damn you, law enforcement!), breakfast food from McDonald’s, though I did not partake; and a timely return back to the apartment.
I can’t believe Casey made it through eight hours of tech that evening. I got home and just crashed. Between noon and 6 AM Monday morning I slept a total of 16 hours. Whoa. And being that tired did really weird things to my mood. The two hours that I was awake Sunday night I was crying and crying for really stupid reasons, and that lasted me all the way through to last night. Lots of really stupid thoughts about being stupidly self-destructive, and if it had lasted into today I would have called Rao about it. Luck for me, Casey got home from work and told me about a realization he had about himself and theatre at tech, and we talked for an hour and a half, at which point I realized that I felt better. Maybe it was from feeling useful to Casey, or maybe it was just human contact, but whatever it was it snapped me out of it in time for SATE, which kicked my ass in the best possible way. We’re doing really in-depth Suzuki, and I can feel the impact it has on my body holistically. Add the fitness/pilates/yoga we do before hand, and then those crazy Anne Bogart sun salutations, and I feel sore all over today. I love that. What would be really nice, now, is to land a show so I can see what all this training is doing for me as an actor.
My favorite Suzuki philosophy principle: as in the tradition of Noh theatre, Suzuki training prepares the actor to continue on in the face of death. That is, should your scene partner die onstage in the midst of a scene, the Suzuki actor is so grounded in the world of the show that he/she keeps going. Someone will come to clear the body off the stage, someone else will step in, and the world is sustained because the Suzuki actor is grounded completely in this other world that’s been created. It goes on because it must go on, because a world does not stop turning for anything. My God, I love that. It requires so much trust. Trust in oneself, in one’s castmates, in the audience, and in the power of the theatrical. Acting as a matter of life and death. What a beautifully different way to think about theatre.