Road trip
I had a fantastic trip home. Well, the first day was a little hectic and overwhelming, but as soon as I walked into my own house, I was so glad to be home. It’s weird how being home can let me relax and let me let go of a lot of the stress and worry that I’ve been holding onto. I kind of wish I could have stayed longer, but alas, the real world awaits. Mom was wonderful. She made me a fantastic scrapbook of, well, my whole life practically. What a great birthday present. It’s amazing how much theatre was in that book of my life, even before U-High theatre. She found great pictures from Summer Theatre Lab; sets we built at Lab; my May Project (!) when I made that brochure for incoming freshmen about U-High theatre; I think every program for every event I was ever involved in (piano recitals to STL performances at Court Theatre); the t-shirt that all my 2005 Summer Lab Onstage campers signed; great pictures of tiny Dani and the family; Lab graduation; college shows; and ever so much more. It was wonderful. Best birthday present I could have gotten from her, hands down. And she just let me be me this weekend. We spent Saturday playing cards, cooking, watching the SNL she recorded for me since Coldplay was performing, and then having a very necessary, very productive mother-daughter talk. I feel like she and I are finally on an even level about all of this depression crap, and I don’t have to walk lightly around her anymore. I didn’t expect the trip to go nearly so well, so I’m hugely relieved about it. Hopefully I’ll be better able to take on life here in St. Louis again after a bit of a recharge period at home.
Trying to get in to see Dr. Rao about a prescription change. I’m pretty sure my current meds are making things worse mood-wise instead of better. I could feel the comfort of home slip away from me on the drive back. Very strange. My anxiety just crept up and up and my mood slipped down and down right up through pulling into the parking lot. Not that I wasn’t happy to be back in St. Louis with my roommates. I think being at home was just so easy, and life here just has more for me to stress about and build problems from. Blech. I think I need to stay busy right now. Keep doing, not thinking. I can’t wait to go back to SATE next week. And there’s so much coming up. Election, Iowa City trip, November auditions, openings of Deathtrap and Romeo & Juliet, and who knows what else will pop up in the next couple of weeks. If I take things one day at a time, I should be all right. Seeing Rao will help, too. I’d like to know I’m on the right track medically with all of this.
Trying to get in to see Dr. Rao about a prescription change. I’m pretty sure my current meds are making things worse mood-wise instead of better. I could feel the comfort of home slip away from me on the drive back. Very strange. My anxiety just crept up and up and my mood slipped down and down right up through pulling into the parking lot. Not that I wasn’t happy to be back in St. Louis with my roommates. I think being at home was just so easy, and life here just has more for me to stress about and build problems from. Blech. I think I need to stay busy right now. Keep doing, not thinking. I can’t wait to go back to SATE next week. And there’s so much coming up. Election, Iowa City trip, November auditions, openings of Deathtrap and Romeo & Juliet, and who knows what else will pop up in the next couple of weeks. If I take things one day at a time, I should be all right. Seeing Rao will help, too. I’d like to know I’m on the right track medically with all of this.