Meet Danielle 1.5
I cannot explain how much of a relief it is to feel better and more hopeful for days at a time. After realizing that my depression issues were going to be way beyond my control, even with the help of great supportive friends, I got some medical help and I'm now on medication and seeing a regular psychologist and psychiatrist. I can't say how indebted I am to Casey and Amy for helping me take the steps I needed to take with all of this, and to help me settle back into life at home. What wonderful friends I have, who kept my life in order when I couldn't and never let me feel like a patient instead of a person. I am extraordinarily lucky to have them in my life, and it's all been yet further proof that St. Louis was the absolute right choice for me. I can now guarantee I would not have made it on my own. I couldn't have done what I needed to do to help myself without out their love and support. The whole experience was so scary and revelatory and lonely and helpful and important and now I feel like I might actually be better, or at least on my way. It's so strange. Good strange, though. Like I said, a major relief.
Since all of this, I've been trying to get back into a routine: eating three meals a day, getting the appropriate amount of sleep, learning what my social patterns need to be. I went to a Heartless Bastards concert this week and had a BLAST. Small venue (The Duck Room at Blueberry Hill), so it was really intimate and I even got to nerdily meet the lead singer afterwards! I am so happy to have gone to that concert, even if I am a little more deaf now. But it was so worth it to have stood right in front of her all night, right at the front of the stage. Sigh. So good.
All the depression craziness also meant that a ton of my family came up to see me, including Mom, Dad, Grandma, and Aunt Bobbi. Mom and Dad are still in town after transferring their vacation plans for the week from North Carolina to Lake of the Ozarks. We had a great time yesterday: swam in their hotel pool, ate and played adult arcade games at Dave & Buster's, watched the Sox get slaughtered (BOO!), and then went to see Burn After Reading at the Chase. SOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD! By far the best of the Coen brothers' films. I always forget what an incredible character actress Frances McDormand is, especially in their movies. It's the best I've seen from George Clooney in a long while, too, though Brad Pitt is kind of king of the funny in this movie. What a different role for him, and he handles it SO WELL. And the script is genius, a comedy that really surprises you. The Coens have a way with the grotestque that makes me so happy as an artist. They take the grossly violent and perverse and show it to you in a way you've never seen before, and suddenly you're laughing at it, or you're strangely turned on by it, or you're terrified of it in a whole new way. All their movies have done that, I think. Less so with O Brother Where Art Thou, but certainly Fargo and No Country for Old Men. I haven't seen Raising Arizona, mostly because I think Nicholas Cage is a terrible actor, but maybe I'll give the Coens the benefit of the doubt.
Anyhow, life's on the mend. Taking a break from being in a show right now, though Casey and I are still auditioning for things down the road. I've got a new enthusiasm for auditioning, and I didn't know if I would after all the craziness. So that's really good, too. Lots of things are good. And that feels really good to say.