(no subject)
I haven't posted here in a year and a half. It's interesting how things come back around consistently. This is a place I used to feel safe in, and I used to talk about how I felt about whatever was bothering me or whatever I was happy about. Then I started focusing on other things, I ended up flunking out of school, and having meltdown after meltdown. I blame myself for everything and call it grace, because that's what I've always wanted. now I'm out of a job and feeling low and cigarettes no longer have any effect on me.
There's always lots to be happy about, but it's never quite what it should be. And there's pressure from everybody, and it's hard to know what to do. I used to be a philosophy major, and it's interesting how I haven't thought about the Big Picture in years, or even microcosms. I am extremely uninteresting, and have few friends. I fight with everybody, and ignore what is hard. This is not who I am. but it's who've I become. I can only strive to go back to that time.
What the hell do I do now?
There's always lots to be happy about, but it's never quite what it should be. And there's pressure from everybody, and it's hard to know what to do. I used to be a philosophy major, and it's interesting how I haven't thought about the Big Picture in years, or even microcosms. I am extremely uninteresting, and have few friends. I fight with everybody, and ignore what is hard. This is not who I am. but it's who've I become. I can only strive to go back to that time.
What the hell do I do now?