OH FUCK
I don't think I should be allowed to have guy friends...
EDIT: that being said, i think i just learned why i fall for the straight guys i do.
the ones who were open-minded - the ones who were comfortable enough to ask questions or listen or share things - or ask for advice.
it's a level of intimacy that i don't see often, let alone experience, and it makes me feel warm inside when i do.
but there are men who i have that sort of relationship with that i haven't fallen for - why?
J was the biggest one that i obviously did fall for, but there were other guys in that time frame that treated me with respect and asked questions and treated me like a person and like they wanted to understand. I think what happened with J was that it was always a more sexual knowledge or information exchange - while with others it was always more of a debate - i was changing their minds - J didn't need his mind changed.
J needed me to have the balls to test his sexuality - he actually said so. Fuck - where would I be today if I had? better? worse?
There is just something about the relationships I have with straight guys that are so much deeper than the relationships I have had with other gay guys. again - Why?
Because of where I am? because of my experience? because I am so much like my mother?
I like when I can delve into myself like this and ask hard questions, I like even more when i can find some sort of answer that makes sense, and explains so much more than what the question was even asking. But sometimes it just opens more cans of worms.
EDIT: that being said, i think i just learned why i fall for the straight guys i do.
the ones who were open-minded - the ones who were comfortable enough to ask questions or listen or share things - or ask for advice.
it's a level of intimacy that i don't see often, let alone experience, and it makes me feel warm inside when i do.
but there are men who i have that sort of relationship with that i haven't fallen for - why?
J was the biggest one that i obviously did fall for, but there were other guys in that time frame that treated me with respect and asked questions and treated me like a person and like they wanted to understand. I think what happened with J was that it was always a more sexual knowledge or information exchange - while with others it was always more of a debate - i was changing their minds - J didn't need his mind changed.
J needed me to have the balls to test his sexuality - he actually said so. Fuck - where would I be today if I had? better? worse?
There is just something about the relationships I have with straight guys that are so much deeper than the relationships I have had with other gay guys. again - Why?
Because of where I am? because of my experience? because I am so much like my mother?
I like when I can delve into myself like this and ask hard questions, I like even more when i can find some sort of answer that makes sense, and explains so much more than what the question was even asking. But sometimes it just opens more cans of worms.