Rollercoaster of Emotions
Ok, I think there is something wrong with me. Yesterday was wacked, and today was better but then wacked again. I think I need a chill pill. Or a lobotomy.
I worked up at the springs Sat and Sun. Friday night kicked ass, I went to Hem's with my AKPsi beauties for a bit then Gorski had a party, so I went and saw quite an ecclectic mix of people I really enjoyed. I quit drinking. I danced by myself in the corner of Gorski's bedroom cause no one else was really feeling Oasis at the moment, but i was lovin it so much so everyone just watched. "Step outiside the eye of your mind, dont ya know you might find, a better place to playyyy...." Sweet lovin, take me back. I loved it...I invented a dance move- the CRANE which people found quite amusing. Then I drove the Troll back to Shadyside and she insisted I come by the Tavern with her and meet some sweet kids, which I did. Her friend Jeff kicks ass, I see why she likes him so much. He knows Krash, this fun instructor up at Springs. His friends were ok too. I tried to have a convo w/ his friend, and i think I got nrevous or something? He works for NVR Homes and I said i had gone golfing w/ a recruiter from NVR, and he knew him. But then I went on and on about how it was no fun cause we were with this really annoying girl and they talked about stupid shit the entire time, and I didnt want to- but I kept TALKING about it like it was a big deal to me or something and the kid was looking at me like, WHOA you must be really bitter. I hate the way that made me feel. It's like I couldnt control what was coming out of my mouth. NOT like it mattered...
Sat night was great too, after work I went over McClory's to start writing our song. I was kind of a bust. We got somewhat of a decent chord progression down at least, but nothing definite. I have some good lyrics in mind. We mostly just dicked around, but hey, it was a start. We went down to Nakama, this Japanese place in south side and there was a magician walking around, and Matt knew him from high school. He did some sweet ass tricks, and gave me a souvenir card thing that Iwrote my name on and he used in a trick. Lucky me. Then we went to H Kahn, the new hookah bar. I kept meaning to go there, but it never happened till then. It was so good. I don't smoke anything besides hookah's (and salmon;). Only from time to time. It's not like cigs, its good. And there is no weed involoved if that is what you are thinking. We just chilled for a few hours. The Matt's high-fived eachother and knocked over a hookah, sending burning coals flying all over the place.
I tought the same kid 2 days in a row. He was a little indian kid from Long Island. He was kind of quiet, and there is only so much in my mind that I can say to a little kid. It's not like he could talk politics, and it's not like I could talk Sponge Bob. Well, maybe a little ;). Marc hated the kid and he didn't even know him. I think he would have flipped out if he tought him haha. I would talk to him and tell him to do stuff, and he would just look at me blankly and boredly. But he wasn't bored. I dont think? Anywho...his dad tipped me $40 so im over it.
Sunday Ken drove me up and back, which was awsome so I could chill out in the car. I had so much energy when i left on sun night, i dunno y? I was out riding for like 5 hours, picking that kid up off his ass the whole time, i thought i would have been beat. Ken let me play Green Day and scream out every word the whole ride home. I love that shit. Rocking out in the car, nothing makes me happier. Almost. I was still wired when we got back to Pitt, so Ken dropped me off at the Gym. I had KD meeting at 6. Before meeting, I was stoked to see all of my sisters who i havnt seen in forever. I'm having a party soon for all of them at my house so we can BOND haha. NO BOYS ALLOWED! :)Boys suck.
So then meeting starts and im on bad standing STILL. WTF? I coudldnt go to the workshop that day cause I was at work. And I didnt knwo they changed the excuse policy, so i needed to have the excuse for missing it in by 12 the night before. Bullshit! So then my mood went from manic to depressed. I was further pissed off that there were nominations for greek god and godess contestants other than myself. Voting is next weekend, so we will see. I'll win. If not, they are stupid. I win every time, and we lost when i was abroad and they had someone else do it. So they are fucking retards if they don't have me do it. Simple. And I will toot my own horn b/c I am awsome. So then I was all sad. And I walked home with Katie Oshman and we talked about life and I realised I think I have intimacy problems. Not like sexually, but like emotionally with my family. It's hard to explain. It's like I really care about them and miss them and stuff, but when im around them I act the opposite, and would/could never tell them so. And it like eats me up inside. So then I got home and was still mopey :( And unmotivated...I was gonna do some work but ended up watching TV and then reading some Plato online for class, but it hurts my eyes to read mass amounts on the internet. Kramer made fun of me cause he said I had my "mensies" and it made me smile. Today I was freaking out about 1,000,000 things. I have too much shit on my plate and it is driving me insane. I bought a planner, and this month I am suicidal. Almost every day I have something or another. But who's fault is that right?
I worked up at the springs Sat and Sun. Friday night kicked ass, I went to Hem's with my AKPsi beauties for a bit then Gorski had a party, so I went and saw quite an ecclectic mix of people I really enjoyed. I quit drinking. I danced by myself in the corner of Gorski's bedroom cause no one else was really feeling Oasis at the moment, but i was lovin it so much so everyone just watched. "Step outiside the eye of your mind, dont ya know you might find, a better place to playyyy...." Sweet lovin, take me back. I loved it...I invented a dance move- the CRANE which people found quite amusing. Then I drove the Troll back to Shadyside and she insisted I come by the Tavern with her and meet some sweet kids, which I did. Her friend Jeff kicks ass, I see why she likes him so much. He knows Krash, this fun instructor up at Springs. His friends were ok too. I tried to have a convo w/ his friend, and i think I got nrevous or something? He works for NVR Homes and I said i had gone golfing w/ a recruiter from NVR, and he knew him. But then I went on and on about how it was no fun cause we were with this really annoying girl and they talked about stupid shit the entire time, and I didnt want to- but I kept TALKING about it like it was a big deal to me or something and the kid was looking at me like, WHOA you must be really bitter. I hate the way that made me feel. It's like I couldnt control what was coming out of my mouth. NOT like it mattered...
Sat night was great too, after work I went over McClory's to start writing our song. I was kind of a bust. We got somewhat of a decent chord progression down at least, but nothing definite. I have some good lyrics in mind. We mostly just dicked around, but hey, it was a start. We went down to Nakama, this Japanese place in south side and there was a magician walking around, and Matt knew him from high school. He did some sweet ass tricks, and gave me a souvenir card thing that Iwrote my name on and he used in a trick. Lucky me. Then we went to H Kahn, the new hookah bar. I kept meaning to go there, but it never happened till then. It was so good. I don't smoke anything besides hookah's (and salmon;). Only from time to time. It's not like cigs, its good. And there is no weed involoved if that is what you are thinking. We just chilled for a few hours. The Matt's high-fived eachother and knocked over a hookah, sending burning coals flying all over the place.
I tought the same kid 2 days in a row. He was a little indian kid from Long Island. He was kind of quiet, and there is only so much in my mind that I can say to a little kid. It's not like he could talk politics, and it's not like I could talk Sponge Bob. Well, maybe a little ;). Marc hated the kid and he didn't even know him. I think he would have flipped out if he tought him haha. I would talk to him and tell him to do stuff, and he would just look at me blankly and boredly. But he wasn't bored. I dont think? Anywho...his dad tipped me $40 so im over it.
Sunday Ken drove me up and back, which was awsome so I could chill out in the car. I had so much energy when i left on sun night, i dunno y? I was out riding for like 5 hours, picking that kid up off his ass the whole time, i thought i would have been beat. Ken let me play Green Day and scream out every word the whole ride home. I love that shit. Rocking out in the car, nothing makes me happier. Almost. I was still wired when we got back to Pitt, so Ken dropped me off at the Gym. I had KD meeting at 6. Before meeting, I was stoked to see all of my sisters who i havnt seen in forever. I'm having a party soon for all of them at my house so we can BOND haha. NO BOYS ALLOWED! :)Boys suck.
So then meeting starts and im on bad standing STILL. WTF? I coudldnt go to the workshop that day cause I was at work. And I didnt knwo they changed the excuse policy, so i needed to have the excuse for missing it in by 12 the night before. Bullshit! So then my mood went from manic to depressed. I was further pissed off that there were nominations for greek god and godess contestants other than myself. Voting is next weekend, so we will see. I'll win. If not, they are stupid. I win every time, and we lost when i was abroad and they had someone else do it. So they are fucking retards if they don't have me do it. Simple. And I will toot my own horn b/c I am awsome. So then I was all sad. And I walked home with Katie Oshman and we talked about life and I realised I think I have intimacy problems. Not like sexually, but like emotionally with my family. It's hard to explain. It's like I really care about them and miss them and stuff, but when im around them I act the opposite, and would/could never tell them so. And it like eats me up inside. So then I got home and was still mopey :( And unmotivated...I was gonna do some work but ended up watching TV and then reading some Plato online for class, but it hurts my eyes to read mass amounts on the internet. Kramer made fun of me cause he said I had my "mensies" and it made me smile. Today I was freaking out about 1,000,000 things. I have too much shit on my plate and it is driving me insane. I bought a planner, and this month I am suicidal. Almost every day I have something or another. But who's fault is that right?