From back in the dizay to now...
I haven't posted since November and I have no idea whether anyone reads this or not.
I just spent the last hour reading over soooo many entries that I wrote back in the dizay. 1. I am the biggest nerd ever. 2. I miss Mary Beth and our jokes so much. 3. I miss Andrew Jon Haynie so much. 4. SOO much has changed since high school (obviously) 5. I'm 21 now. :-)
The entries that I read started before prom... that was YEARS ago. That was when I still lived on Butwell, that was when my parents were still in Michigan, that was before the apartment, that was before Myrtle Beach, max the dog, and max the love of my life, that was before all my new friends and job, that was before Bryan and Nick... WILD. That was when I was truly happy with EVERY aspect of my life. And when I say every aspect, I honestly mean every single thing.
The only reason I wanted to go back and read some entries was not because I was bored, it was bc I went to Codys going away party last weekend and being around that family just brings back so many memories. I truly loved life then, and now... it's just silly. Everything was so simple, and yet we made it so hard. My family was great, school was great, my house was great, my boyfriend and friends were great... and yet we thought everything sucked and wanted to change things. How silly were we?!
It's been a minute since I updated on life and things... and really, I don't even know where to start right now... Hell, I don't even know if anyone logs onto livejournal anymore, I know I certainly don't. But it's whatever. Reading over everything, I have grown up so much, and I have learned so many things and its crazy. I'm still best friends with the same people, Megan, Katlin, sometimes DB, Nick, Dave. I've drifted apart from some people that I wish I hadn't, but it happens. I noticed a trend though... It started with Dave. I just text him like 30 seconds ago and told him how huge of an impact he has had on my life since I've met him. I know its because he was my first love, and we did share an amazing connection. I couldn't have asked for anyone better to be my first love. I still love him, and I still adore him, and I thank God everyday that he is still in my life. He was in Vegas for a few years and we had plenty of time to grow up, and now that we have you'd think things would change... Not at all. I saw him the first day he was back in town a few weeks ago, and it was like I saw him a month ago... it was fabulous. Sure we've had our huge fights where we didn't talk for months, but I know he'll ALWAYS be there for me when I need him. He's one of the most fantastic men I've ever known in my life, I don't think I can say enough wonderful things about him. And as I type this, I'm sitting here texting him telling him basically what I wrote and he doesn't understand... Nobody can ever understand how special he is to me, not one person.
Also, as I read through some of the entires another name that seems to appear quite a few times is Andrew Jon, AJ, Haynie, etc. Now that is a whole different story. We had a great relationship... sure it was super silly and ridiculous from time to time (and mostly bc of me and my retardness) but it's whatever. I love that I had that long term relationship with someone that was so understanding, and caring, and silly, and sexy, and put up with all my bullshit. It was great. He refuses to speak to me now, and lives in Wyoming doing God knows what, but he's staying out of trouble and he's safe now... that's all that matters. I'm sure one day I'll have that guy again who adores me just as much as AJ did.
It's been hard with school, work, my parents in Florida, paying bills.. basically growing up and being 21 now. I'm struggling, like everyone is at the moment, but I'm hanging in there... at least trying too. It might be the time though to make my move and peace out to Florida. I can go to school anywhere, apparently I can get a kick ass job anywhere and everywhere down in Florida, I won't have crazy bills to pay once I live with my parents, I'll be with my dog, IT'LL BE WARM ALL THE TIME... It's just leaving. I mean, we're all turning 21 now and it's supposed to be the time of our lives, and I think I should be living it completely different than I am now. This time last year I thought I had everything planned out for the rest of my life. Obviously, that didn't work, and now... I have no idea. It's scary as hell.
Right now, I just want some kind of stability in my life. I'm an only child, and I had that stability for my entire life... and then one day POOF! It was gone. If I just had one thing that was a constant in my life, I'd be able to handle life and the crazy things that seem to happen.
I need to stop before I get too deep about things.
I just spent the last hour reading over soooo many entries that I wrote back in the dizay. 1. I am the biggest nerd ever. 2. I miss Mary Beth and our jokes so much. 3. I miss Andrew Jon Haynie so much. 4. SOO much has changed since high school (obviously) 5. I'm 21 now. :-)
The entries that I read started before prom... that was YEARS ago. That was when I still lived on Butwell, that was when my parents were still in Michigan, that was before the apartment, that was before Myrtle Beach, max the dog, and max the love of my life, that was before all my new friends and job, that was before Bryan and Nick... WILD. That was when I was truly happy with EVERY aspect of my life. And when I say every aspect, I honestly mean every single thing.
The only reason I wanted to go back and read some entries was not because I was bored, it was bc I went to Codys going away party last weekend and being around that family just brings back so many memories. I truly loved life then, and now... it's just silly. Everything was so simple, and yet we made it so hard. My family was great, school was great, my house was great, my boyfriend and friends were great... and yet we thought everything sucked and wanted to change things. How silly were we?!
It's been a minute since I updated on life and things... and really, I don't even know where to start right now... Hell, I don't even know if anyone logs onto livejournal anymore, I know I certainly don't. But it's whatever. Reading over everything, I have grown up so much, and I have learned so many things and its crazy. I'm still best friends with the same people, Megan, Katlin, sometimes DB, Nick, Dave. I've drifted apart from some people that I wish I hadn't, but it happens. I noticed a trend though... It started with Dave. I just text him like 30 seconds ago and told him how huge of an impact he has had on my life since I've met him. I know its because he was my first love, and we did share an amazing connection. I couldn't have asked for anyone better to be my first love. I still love him, and I still adore him, and I thank God everyday that he is still in my life. He was in Vegas for a few years and we had plenty of time to grow up, and now that we have you'd think things would change... Not at all. I saw him the first day he was back in town a few weeks ago, and it was like I saw him a month ago... it was fabulous. Sure we've had our huge fights where we didn't talk for months, but I know he'll ALWAYS be there for me when I need him. He's one of the most fantastic men I've ever known in my life, I don't think I can say enough wonderful things about him. And as I type this, I'm sitting here texting him telling him basically what I wrote and he doesn't understand... Nobody can ever understand how special he is to me, not one person.
Also, as I read through some of the entires another name that seems to appear quite a few times is Andrew Jon, AJ, Haynie, etc. Now that is a whole different story. We had a great relationship... sure it was super silly and ridiculous from time to time (and mostly bc of me and my retardness) but it's whatever. I love that I had that long term relationship with someone that was so understanding, and caring, and silly, and sexy, and put up with all my bullshit. It was great. He refuses to speak to me now, and lives in Wyoming doing God knows what, but he's staying out of trouble and he's safe now... that's all that matters. I'm sure one day I'll have that guy again who adores me just as much as AJ did.
It's been hard with school, work, my parents in Florida, paying bills.. basically growing up and being 21 now. I'm struggling, like everyone is at the moment, but I'm hanging in there... at least trying too. It might be the time though to make my move and peace out to Florida. I can go to school anywhere, apparently I can get a kick ass job anywhere and everywhere down in Florida, I won't have crazy bills to pay once I live with my parents, I'll be with my dog, IT'LL BE WARM ALL THE TIME... It's just leaving. I mean, we're all turning 21 now and it's supposed to be the time of our lives, and I think I should be living it completely different than I am now. This time last year I thought I had everything planned out for the rest of my life. Obviously, that didn't work, and now... I have no idea. It's scary as hell.
Right now, I just want some kind of stability in my life. I'm an only child, and I had that stability for my entire life... and then one day POOF! It was gone. If I just had one thing that was a constant in my life, I'd be able to handle life and the crazy things that seem to happen.
I need to stop before I get too deep about things.