A novel...
Man do I feel dramatic. My perspective has drastically changed in a way I vaguely understand, but I can’t exactly describe. Lets just call it magic. But now I’m so full of positive vibes, I want the world to shine with them. I want to turn the dull bright and glittering. And I’m starting to feel like I can a little. That’s the magic. Nothing has changed necessarily, but that actually makes the change that much more powerful. That I have the control to change how my life is. I am happy and I don’t know how it happened, but I’m glad for it.
Feelings improved with the weekend, which got better and better. Thursday I went to Kiggins with Anna and Nick and watched 1 ½ low-quality movies, but was to happy to be with people I enjoy/on sicky meds to care. Friday I visited the school and was pleased with the positive reaction. People I didn’t even know liked me were excited to see me. And while it was obvious things were moving on with things like the remodel and the shows and my arts classes, it was all comfortingly familiar and I always found surprise in enjoying things that used to cause excessive bitching but a year ago. After talking to some of my favorite kids still at VSAA and missing certain things (like vocal Christmas music) like crazy, School was out and Emma and I went downtown where I saw some Sam and some other classy 08 members and it was nice to be weird without fear. Then Emma and I went on a good old fashioned adventure and visited rehearsal which was another thing I miss (even the bitch-worthy moments) and from there our adventure grew to some immature fun known as lava monster and I met the male Keziah and had my faith restored in the amount of art schoolers abroad. And this formed the adventure club, which is a marvelous escape to look forward to. It’s an assurance that I can secretly hold on to atleast part of the juvenile joy I crave. I also laughed a lot with everyone I saw Saturday. Mainly Kendra, Sam, and Kylie. Went to goodwill and found some excellent presents and now I have to actually find out what to do to send them. I also saw Oliver! And Jaime was excellent. I talked with her and Garry and Salena for a long time and enjoyed it all immensely. Then I had a much needed Kendra talk which always brings good feelings and Saturday was spent with family at Powell’s and I’m falling in love with reading again. I have like my next 5 books picked out.
I love going to Powell’s and reading the first chapter of whatever looks interesting and only picking one to buy. I also love listening to Regina Spektor radio on Pandora and making and eating rice noodles with thai chicken and watching summer refuse to stop shining even as I start to need a jacket. And bringing my cousins things that make them smile and buying gifts for people I miss. And writing letters. And taking soundtrack walks because then I get to indulge in being my own main character and knowing every passing look while I react and sing along with my music comes from a secondary character who will be gone as soon as I make it a few more steps. And I am really enjoying the release of music. Especially singing. My voice is powerful and I love entertaining myself with it.
I am enjoying school more. Yesterday was adjusting to my new station, but today was fun. I got to be a little creative and secretly a little more… I found an innocent way of annoying back Jared. Apparently not a fan of Journey, so it may come up a few more times in my mental shuffle... I talked to the cool girl today and I finally managed to seem friendly, but not too eager. I actually laughed at lunch today and sat with more than just Peter. I am improving at some things and I have help for the things I’m still figuring out. I’m ok with being the weird one who suggests things like a kitchen bunny because atleast I know I’m being me. Plus Gillian and Alex and Ellery picked me up today, so I got to see more people I adore. I am learning to really take advantage of all the extra time I have. Right now, I’m trying to figure out how to send all the wonderous and strange present that need to make it to their intended owners. I also am enjoying cooking for myself more, so more dinner shall be made. Including frozen ones for Anna and mixes for those so far away.
And I know right now more than ever I’m destined for big things. Every artistic whim I can make a reality and I can bring light into people’s lives with a touch more effort. I might even write another musical. I’ve already written some excellent music. Adventure Club will continue to be grand. I will start that underground theatre club and have coffee house in my basement and whatever else I want. Fancy dinner parties and whimsical outings will grace my future. I am so very excited just to live, and what a wonderful feeling it is.
Feelings improved with the weekend, which got better and better. Thursday I went to Kiggins with Anna and Nick and watched 1 ½ low-quality movies, but was to happy to be with people I enjoy/on sicky meds to care. Friday I visited the school and was pleased with the positive reaction. People I didn’t even know liked me were excited to see me. And while it was obvious things were moving on with things like the remodel and the shows and my arts classes, it was all comfortingly familiar and I always found surprise in enjoying things that used to cause excessive bitching but a year ago. After talking to some of my favorite kids still at VSAA and missing certain things (like vocal Christmas music) like crazy, School was out and Emma and I went downtown where I saw some Sam and some other classy 08 members and it was nice to be weird without fear. Then Emma and I went on a good old fashioned adventure and visited rehearsal which was another thing I miss (even the bitch-worthy moments) and from there our adventure grew to some immature fun known as lava monster and I met the male Keziah and had my faith restored in the amount of art schoolers abroad. And this formed the adventure club, which is a marvelous escape to look forward to. It’s an assurance that I can secretly hold on to atleast part of the juvenile joy I crave. I also laughed a lot with everyone I saw Saturday. Mainly Kendra, Sam, and Kylie. Went to goodwill and found some excellent presents and now I have to actually find out what to do to send them. I also saw Oliver! And Jaime was excellent. I talked with her and Garry and Salena for a long time and enjoyed it all immensely. Then I had a much needed Kendra talk which always brings good feelings and Saturday was spent with family at Powell’s and I’m falling in love with reading again. I have like my next 5 books picked out.
I love going to Powell’s and reading the first chapter of whatever looks interesting and only picking one to buy. I also love listening to Regina Spektor radio on Pandora and making and eating rice noodles with thai chicken and watching summer refuse to stop shining even as I start to need a jacket. And bringing my cousins things that make them smile and buying gifts for people I miss. And writing letters. And taking soundtrack walks because then I get to indulge in being my own main character and knowing every passing look while I react and sing along with my music comes from a secondary character who will be gone as soon as I make it a few more steps. And I am really enjoying the release of music. Especially singing. My voice is powerful and I love entertaining myself with it.
I am enjoying school more. Yesterday was adjusting to my new station, but today was fun. I got to be a little creative and secretly a little more… I found an innocent way of annoying back Jared. Apparently not a fan of Journey, so it may come up a few more times in my mental shuffle... I talked to the cool girl today and I finally managed to seem friendly, but not too eager. I actually laughed at lunch today and sat with more than just Peter. I am improving at some things and I have help for the things I’m still figuring out. I’m ok with being the weird one who suggests things like a kitchen bunny because atleast I know I’m being me. Plus Gillian and Alex and Ellery picked me up today, so I got to see more people I adore. I am learning to really take advantage of all the extra time I have. Right now, I’m trying to figure out how to send all the wonderous and strange present that need to make it to their intended owners. I also am enjoying cooking for myself more, so more dinner shall be made. Including frozen ones for Anna and mixes for those so far away.
And I know right now more than ever I’m destined for big things. Every artistic whim I can make a reality and I can bring light into people’s lives with a touch more effort. I might even write another musical. I’ve already written some excellent music. Adventure Club will continue to be grand. I will start that underground theatre club and have coffee house in my basement and whatever else I want. Fancy dinner parties and whimsical outings will grace my future. I am so very excited just to live, and what a wonderful feeling it is.