A minor revelation

[dang]

So you'd think after 25 years I'd have begun to get a handle on who I am, wouldn't you? I don't mean true enlightenment or anything or even anything deeper than just how the world perceives me, but no, it appears I don't. This revelation struck me the other day when I was having a conversation with Vee, one of the few people in this world who knows me that well, and, while we sat drinking white hot chocolate in a very chilled cafe, we came round to talking about feelings and 'letting people in'. Now I know that I get defensive when I feel threatened, hell, who doesn't, but I had always pegged myself as a man that largely spoke his mind, and spoke frankly. But it seems that the truth is quite the opposite- I have been regarded as a man who keeps his cards very close to his chest and his thoughts and emotions locked inside. In talking with several other friends and Fee in particular- another lady who has priveldged(?) access to my psyche- it seems that they are largely agree. This might not sound like a major revelation to some of you guys, but it really is the polar opposite of the way I perceived myself- plain speaking and emotional, rather than guarded and a bit of an emotional autist. At first I just denounced the claims outright, but I guess now I'm starting to accept the concept. It also explains in some measure why I love writing so much- the control it provides and the ability to be creative and emotive without letting people into my own head or dreams directly.

I may not be the man I thought I was a few weeks ago, but I'm clearer now on how others perceive me, which is important, for we are what we reflect.