(no subject)
Wow! I really can't concentrate!
I'm sitting here at backstreets trying to do my hw on my new laptop! Yes, mom got me a laptop for the bday and it is amazing and beyond!
Anyway... yeah I'm thinking with the wrong portions of the body again! And in response to inevitable Debbie's question: "YES IT HURTS!!!" I'm not even kidding! It DOES hurt! Damn!
Guys aren't kidding when they say blueballs.
I want to do it. I think I will. I'm going to go play w/ fire tonight and see what happens.
Will: "I can't tell everyone else to stay away, but I can tell YOU, my friend."
Nick: "If it happens, I don't wanna even hear about it."
Ryan: "I don't know why you still do it. That's all I have to say." The kid no longer respects me.
Ann: "I guess do what feels right to you cuz no matter what anyone says or doesn that's what youi're going to do anyway."
Diana: "Tap it and leave!" I love you!
Mel: "Do what you want, but I'm not going to be a part of it and I'm not going to listen when you cry."
Sometimes I think Kristen is the only one who understands right now. And I finally understand HER! Why she kept on w/ Casey after so many blows. I think I even understand Katie.
I feel almost free knowing that there's no possible way I'm going to get the job now. Almost makes me wanna say fuck it and drink and smoke weed and drop acid and whatever else I've been wanting to do, but have been resisting because of that one goal, that one want, that one passion. Well, now that's thrown out the window thanks to people I really thought I could trust, (even tho I know they did it out of concern, it is still how the situation went down) it's like why bother? For myself? My family? My friends? Bullshit. I WAS doing it for myself. I was doing it for something that would have brought me ultimate fullfillment. And that has been taken away.
I need something to cope w/ the pain. It's so strong. It's so brutal. I NEED something!
I saw Tracy yesterday and I think I may start seeing her on a regular basis. She's realy nice and nothing like Mary. It was nice to just spill, even though I was trying to hold everything in and appear as colected and stable as possible. Ya know what? FUCK IT! I'm olut of the dorms, I'm out of the job (I never even got), I have NOTHING to lose anymore. NOTHING! SO FUCK ALL OF YOU! I'M GOING TO DO WHAT I WANT NOW!
I'm sitting here at backstreets trying to do my hw on my new laptop! Yes, mom got me a laptop for the bday and it is amazing and beyond!
Anyway... yeah I'm thinking with the wrong portions of the body again! And in response to inevitable Debbie's question: "YES IT HURTS!!!" I'm not even kidding! It DOES hurt! Damn!
Guys aren't kidding when they say blueballs.
I want to do it. I think I will. I'm going to go play w/ fire tonight and see what happens.
Will: "I can't tell everyone else to stay away, but I can tell YOU, my friend."
Nick: "If it happens, I don't wanna even hear about it."
Ryan: "I don't know why you still do it. That's all I have to say." The kid no longer respects me.
Ann: "I guess do what feels right to you cuz no matter what anyone says or doesn that's what youi're going to do anyway."
Diana: "Tap it and leave!" I love you!
Mel: "Do what you want, but I'm not going to be a part of it and I'm not going to listen when you cry."
Sometimes I think Kristen is the only one who understands right now. And I finally understand HER! Why she kept on w/ Casey after so many blows. I think I even understand Katie.
I feel almost free knowing that there's no possible way I'm going to get the job now. Almost makes me wanna say fuck it and drink and smoke weed and drop acid and whatever else I've been wanting to do, but have been resisting because of that one goal, that one want, that one passion. Well, now that's thrown out the window thanks to people I really thought I could trust, (even tho I know they did it out of concern, it is still how the situation went down) it's like why bother? For myself? My family? My friends? Bullshit. I WAS doing it for myself. I was doing it for something that would have brought me ultimate fullfillment. And that has been taken away.
I need something to cope w/ the pain. It's so strong. It's so brutal. I NEED something!
I saw Tracy yesterday and I think I may start seeing her on a regular basis. She's realy nice and nothing like Mary. It was nice to just spill, even though I was trying to hold everything in and appear as colected and stable as possible. Ya know what? FUCK IT! I'm olut of the dorms, I'm out of the job (I never even got), I have NOTHING to lose anymore. NOTHING! SO FUCK ALL OF YOU! I'M GOING TO DO WHAT I WANT NOW!