The Inevitable Finally Occurred
I couldn't help it. I broke down last night. It was 11:15-ish...I had my laptop propped open on my lap...I was watching a movie...and I got an IM...of all things...
I couldn't help it. It had been forever...and not just forever...but before that...it had been...like...three weeks...I think.
It isn't like he's someone who is bad for me. He's actually really fun. We just messed around; I'm apparently emotionally incapable of actually having sex with any one. I think that's a big part of why this guy in particular is so fun...he knows we're not doing anything more than we've already done. He and I had a bit of an awkward phase last year. Spring break, actually - I started crying when we were just making out. It was awful. He didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. Then, this summer, he was really drunk and saw me having a drink with some other guy...he started asking me about it...wanted to know weird details about myself...but whatever. Awkward phase between us = over.
I've decided it's okay to mess around. I'm obviously not one of those people who can handle not having boys around. There are three guys in Cedar Falls, however, who I have decided I cannot ever again go near. My goal, instead of to avoid boys who do not mean anything, is to avoid boys who do mean something...but not something that is good for me. There are three of those boys here in the CF...and I will not ever go near any of them with the intention of anything that would upset me.
I think I'm ridiculous. I need to rework how I handle the boys in my life. I'm making it my New Year Resolution. No more boys who upset me...and stop blocking boys out who could potentially be more. How long it will last...probably a few weeks...but I really am staying away from those three. I WILL stick to that part of my goal. I have to. I cannot handle not.
I couldn't help it. It had been forever...and not just forever...but before that...it had been...like...three weeks...I think.
It isn't like he's someone who is bad for me. He's actually really fun. We just messed around; I'm apparently emotionally incapable of actually having sex with any one. I think that's a big part of why this guy in particular is so fun...he knows we're not doing anything more than we've already done. He and I had a bit of an awkward phase last year. Spring break, actually - I started crying when we were just making out. It was awful. He didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. Then, this summer, he was really drunk and saw me having a drink with some other guy...he started asking me about it...wanted to know weird details about myself...but whatever. Awkward phase between us = over.
I've decided it's okay to mess around. I'm obviously not one of those people who can handle not having boys around. There are three guys in Cedar Falls, however, who I have decided I cannot ever again go near. My goal, instead of to avoid boys who do not mean anything, is to avoid boys who do mean something...but not something that is good for me. There are three of those boys here in the CF...and I will not ever go near any of them with the intention of anything that would upset me.
I think I'm ridiculous. I need to rework how I handle the boys in my life. I'm making it my New Year Resolution. No more boys who upset me...and stop blocking boys out who could potentially be more. How long it will last...probably a few weeks...but I really am staying away from those three. I WILL stick to that part of my goal. I have to. I cannot handle not.