update
so...
my birthday was yesterday... and it was absolutely fabulous... i cant explain how wonderful it felt to spend time with the two people who mean so damned much to me... my mom and my brother... those two have given me more than i can possibly describe... they are my fortress... my love to you both... youll never read this, but, youll feel it ;-)
two bad things...
my girlfriend was missing... work sucks.. that sucks, but i get to spend today, tomorrow and the next day with her... just being in her arms is an everyday birthday present... she makes me giggle like a little school girl haha ;-)
and
my dad... the missing piece of my lifetime puzzle, that i suddenly realized i never needed him to complete my puzzle anyway... you know... i never realized how selfish he was until... wednesday... ill explain.
my dad hadnt called since the beginning of april.. we havent talked... he didnt contact me whatsoever about my birthday.. nothin... i made plans to see my lady friday... he calls and says "well, thursday's bad, youre with your mom, friday's bad for us... ("us" meaning him and his WIFE") saturday and sunday are bad, and monday is the onyl day we can work it out for you to come and have dinner, because tues we're flying to florida until sunday"... funny how i get ultimatums on my fucking birthday... i didnt know what to say.. so i said " i may have to work on mon. i dont know"
he comes in that night... AND HANDS ME MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY CARD OVER THE DAMN COUNTER OF MY FUCKED UP PIZZA PLACE...
tell me...
what dad... WHAT FATHER?!?!?! would do that?!
its like "hmm, i cant find time to call you, talk to you, love you, or even bother to care, but ill just hand you a damned card"... of course, the card said the same damn thing as always... as much as i want what he says to be truthful and loving.. i dont even know if he means it... he gave me some money (he enjoys giving me money, he must think it makes up for his absence)... i looked as if i were about to cry... of course i was, but not because i was wooed... becaus emy heart broke into two... i honestly felt so apart from my dad, even though we were so close at that time.. i said "dad, i dont know how to take this"
we further argued, he said he couldnt get ahold of me, and he forgot that i had a cell phone, and even that he had my damned number... so... it ended with him storming off, and my head in my hands,leaking tears out the sides...
funny, how when he left, the card followed him, and fell to the floor... how poetic...
BUT ANYWAYS!! to prove a point, my mom and brother made up for everything... my dad DID call on my birthday, did send me some flowers, and cried his poor little bastard heart out.. i just played along... he cannot ruin me anymore...
my mom hooked me up with this rad chord dictionary, practically every chord for guitar... enough for now!!
my birthday was yesterday... and it was absolutely fabulous... i cant explain how wonderful it felt to spend time with the two people who mean so damned much to me... my mom and my brother... those two have given me more than i can possibly describe... they are my fortress... my love to you both... youll never read this, but, youll feel it ;-)
two bad things...
my girlfriend was missing... work sucks.. that sucks, but i get to spend today, tomorrow and the next day with her... just being in her arms is an everyday birthday present... she makes me giggle like a little school girl haha ;-)
and
my dad... the missing piece of my lifetime puzzle, that i suddenly realized i never needed him to complete my puzzle anyway... you know... i never realized how selfish he was until... wednesday... ill explain.
my dad hadnt called since the beginning of april.. we havent talked... he didnt contact me whatsoever about my birthday.. nothin... i made plans to see my lady friday... he calls and says "well, thursday's bad, youre with your mom, friday's bad for us... ("us" meaning him and his WIFE") saturday and sunday are bad, and monday is the onyl day we can work it out for you to come and have dinner, because tues we're flying to florida until sunday"... funny how i get ultimatums on my fucking birthday... i didnt know what to say.. so i said " i may have to work on mon. i dont know"
he comes in that night... AND HANDS ME MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY CARD OVER THE DAMN COUNTER OF MY FUCKED UP PIZZA PLACE...
tell me...
what dad... WHAT FATHER?!?!?! would do that?!
its like "hmm, i cant find time to call you, talk to you, love you, or even bother to care, but ill just hand you a damned card"... of course, the card said the same damn thing as always... as much as i want what he says to be truthful and loving.. i dont even know if he means it... he gave me some money (he enjoys giving me money, he must think it makes up for his absence)... i looked as if i were about to cry... of course i was, but not because i was wooed... becaus emy heart broke into two... i honestly felt so apart from my dad, even though we were so close at that time.. i said "dad, i dont know how to take this"
we further argued, he said he couldnt get ahold of me, and he forgot that i had a cell phone, and even that he had my damned number... so... it ended with him storming off, and my head in my hands,leaking tears out the sides...
funny, how when he left, the card followed him, and fell to the floor... how poetic...
BUT ANYWAYS!! to prove a point, my mom and brother made up for everything... my dad DID call on my birthday, did send me some flowers, and cried his poor little bastard heart out.. i just played along... he cannot ruin me anymore...
my mom hooked me up with this rad chord dictionary, practically every chord for guitar... enough for now!!