Ramblings...
My back hurts too much for my friends/the boy to hug me 
So the mystery illness turned out to be a 3-day vomiting/fever bug. It is fresher's week so pretty much everything is flying around. My temperature has been all over the place but is starting to settle. I hate being sick, I couldn't keep pain meds down so the pain just made me more sick. Yuck. Spent sunday in bed. I hate bed.
It just worries me that in the last fortnight I've had a pretty scary allergic reaction (never known to be allergic to anything), and had a bug (i get ill like, once a year maybe). I really think the change in lifestyle is affecting my immune system.
Anyway, Monday I worked for 8 hours.
It was agony. I had to sit bolt upright because my back hurt too much to have it touching anything, and walking between buildings was hell.
BUT, I felt useful. The lectures were fascinating, and my students are lovely. It was so good to be intellectually challenged, take my mind off things, work hard and actually be useful to someone/feel like I'm doing some good.
Had a lovely evening watching the boy play lacrosse and catching up with two close friends over bailey's hot chocolate at home
(without the alcohol for me !).
I had to use all my painkillers and take diazepam as soon as I got home, and it still really hurt. But it was nice to be doing something.
I also managed a couple of hours work yesterday, even though they were at awkward times. I've done all my scheduled hours so far (about £200 worth, in 2 days - so enough to pay this month's rent) this week.
I'm really determined to keep working despite it being so painful. It keeps me mentally alert, motivated, and takes my mind off things. And I feel productive. Mondays and Tuesdays are intense, but the rest of the week is really chilled so I can recover.
I don't want to go on benefits, even though I really am not well enough to be working. If I take more than a week off I will most likely lose the job, and I really love it/need it.
Last night I went to choir
and then to the pub with some friends. It was really nice. Again, so painful, but I'm learning to just deal with it. I had a lovely time but I'm so tired and sore.
I got the boy to call my GP today, and tell her how worried he is, so we'll see if that does any good. I've phoned referrals at the hospital four times, and they still haven't 'triaged' my referral let alone put me on a waiting list. I will get sent either to a physio or a spinal specialist, physio waiting list is 6-8 weeks, spinal is longer.
That pretty much means I'm stuck like this until Christmas. Why is that OK ? or even acceptable ?
I'm 23, I lead an incredibly active lifestyle and was training for a marathon. Now I can barely perform a part time job without breaking down from pain.
It's really hot here today, and the uni's new policy is to keep Wednesday Afternoon's free across all departments. Which is fantastic, we've been lobbying for it for years for the students.
BUT for me it means that all my friends are on a big kayaking trip.
I can actually only laugh at the situation when I explain it to people. I've managed to keep up a pretty major front to most people, but I'm starting to be a bit more honest. And of course the thing people do when you are struggling is either hug you or rub your back, which I would normally appreciate, except now it burns and I can't bear it.
I'm really, really trying. I'm keeping active, out as much as I can, but fuck, this is getting a bit much. I don't think my resolve has ever been tested this much before.
So the mystery illness turned out to be a 3-day vomiting/fever bug. It is fresher's week so pretty much everything is flying around. My temperature has been all over the place but is starting to settle. I hate being sick, I couldn't keep pain meds down so the pain just made me more sick. Yuck. Spent sunday in bed. I hate bed.
It just worries me that in the last fortnight I've had a pretty scary allergic reaction (never known to be allergic to anything), and had a bug (i get ill like, once a year maybe). I really think the change in lifestyle is affecting my immune system.
Anyway, Monday I worked for 8 hours.
It was agony. I had to sit bolt upright because my back hurt too much to have it touching anything, and walking between buildings was hell.
BUT, I felt useful. The lectures were fascinating, and my students are lovely. It was so good to be intellectually challenged, take my mind off things, work hard and actually be useful to someone/feel like I'm doing some good.
Had a lovely evening watching the boy play lacrosse and catching up with two close friends over bailey's hot chocolate at home
(without the alcohol for me !).
I had to use all my painkillers and take diazepam as soon as I got home, and it still really hurt. But it was nice to be doing something.
I also managed a couple of hours work yesterday, even though they were at awkward times. I've done all my scheduled hours so far (about £200 worth, in 2 days - so enough to pay this month's rent) this week.
I'm really determined to keep working despite it being so painful. It keeps me mentally alert, motivated, and takes my mind off things. And I feel productive. Mondays and Tuesdays are intense, but the rest of the week is really chilled so I can recover.
I don't want to go on benefits, even though I really am not well enough to be working. If I take more than a week off I will most likely lose the job, and I really love it/need it.
Last night I went to choir
and then to the pub with some friends. It was really nice. Again, so painful, but I'm learning to just deal with it. I had a lovely time but I'm so tired and sore.
I got the boy to call my GP today, and tell her how worried he is, so we'll see if that does any good. I've phoned referrals at the hospital four times, and they still haven't 'triaged' my referral let alone put me on a waiting list. I will get sent either to a physio or a spinal specialist, physio waiting list is 6-8 weeks, spinal is longer.
That pretty much means I'm stuck like this until Christmas. Why is that OK ? or even acceptable ?
I'm 23, I lead an incredibly active lifestyle and was training for a marathon. Now I can barely perform a part time job without breaking down from pain.
It's really hot here today, and the uni's new policy is to keep Wednesday Afternoon's free across all departments. Which is fantastic, we've been lobbying for it for years for the students.
BUT for me it means that all my friends are on a big kayaking trip.
I can actually only laugh at the situation when I explain it to people. I've managed to keep up a pretty major front to most people, but I'm starting to be a bit more honest. And of course the thing people do when you are struggling is either hug you or rub your back, which I would normally appreciate, except now it burns and I can't bear it.
I'm really, really trying. I'm keeping active, out as much as I can, but fuck, this is getting a bit much. I don't think my resolve has ever been tested this much before.