Sometimes theres this emptiness
Sometimes it seems as though my heart isnt big enough for the emotions of my life. Maybe I love to great or maybe not enough.At one time I loved a man that i believed would love me until the end of time. Until the Sun refused to produce its warmth and light. And until the last night star was no longer visible to the eye. I believed that his love for me could overcome the most trivial times and fight off any fears that may come. At one time I believed in a love that even heaven itself would envy. I believed in a love that made every moment, every breath worth taking and clinging on to.
I believed in a love that the great poets so often wrote about. A love that so many yearn and search for.
I often find my self thinking about love. If i still believe in a love that even time would lay down and be still for. Is there such a love. A love that exist with such force that for once the true beauty of the world is shown.
I sit and stare at the people who are happy that pass by me everyday. feeling love and happiness that at one moment i felt
At times I feel the emptiness in my heart is large enough to hold even the darkest deepths of the ocean. At times i wonder if I will once again be whole. Wil i ever feel complete. Maybe i had my moments of being complete. My moments of happiness
Perhaps i should be content in what i had.
When it is silent and the rest of he world is asleep, dreaming dreams that i now envy, I stay up haunted my thoughts
Silence is my foe nad i try to avoid her with my complete essense and energy.
But she finds me when i am in my room, excluded from the distractions of the every day world. She comes and lingers beside me.
Fueling my thoughts to run wild, as oxygen fuels the fthe great wild fires to blaze the forest. My greatestweakness are my own thoughts.
The thoughts that are poisonous, who leave a sad and bitter taste in my mouth. My thoughts run rambid, uncontrolled throughout mymind, and at times cripple me from functioning as myself. My thoughts my frequently then few come back to the one things that haunts me, the thing that i now often wonder about. The thing that I once had in my hand but like the grains of sand on the beach...I tried to hold on tight, gasped my fist around it but try as i might it slipped through my fingers
The thing that i know long to feel once again but also tremble at the thought of losing it once again. Love, the thing that every hearts desires but not every heart is willing to go after.