Ahh the end is near??? 4th entry
Smiling like Eeyore....When we smile its a special occasion
The sun will come out tomorrow, betcha bottom dollar that tomorrow, there will be sun......lalalalala. U prolly thinking i am flipping bi-polar or something. Well u kinda right. Im kind of person that can take alot, i can handle pain better than most grown ass men. Bring on the pain i can take it, remember i cut and burn myself (or did) so shut it. But when i do lose it, when the pain gets to much, look at, its bad. I cant breath, i cry alot, i stop talking (which is a sign something is happening bc i talk ALOT). I shut down, i stare alot, thinking about every thing and anything. It gets better damn bad. Like the other day, it was more than Josh and I breaking up, but dont confuse my words, my break up with Josh was devastating....was it ever. But it was a mix of everything, my break up with Jonathan, who was my fiance...dont tell tacoma and them they didnt know. yeah we were going to get married. BUT NO!! Fucking didnt happen. WHY. bc he gave up....couldnt handle it and now guess WHAT. The mna wants me BACK. O YEah wants me back. Dumbass. And then my feelings for Richard which werent strong but still there. He cursed me out for correcting him on dog (pit bull to be exact), hey im a pre-vet major...i can do that. But the other night everything...everything any guy as every done to me, beat me, hit me, rape me, hurt me, came back in full force. I was having a panick attack. I threw up because i was crying so hard. I seriously thought i was dieing and i was wanting too. I just kept thinking i wasnt meant to be loved..no guy would want me. Why would they?
But fuck all that now. I am happy and in love. Yes the four letter word is back and in actiion..no longer MIA. Im like Eeyore when he finally smiles....the world brighten ups and rainbows come from the sky. Woop Woop. LOL Im happy people....extremely happy.
I LOVE HIM!!!!
Sunday, Dec 4, 2005 - 11:22pm (PST) Edit | Delete | 0 Comments | Permanent Link
The sun will come out tomorrow, betcha bottom dollar that tomorrow, there will be sun......lalalalala. U prolly thinking i am flipping bi-polar or something. Well u kinda right. Im kind of person that can take alot, i can handle pain better than most grown ass men. Bring on the pain i can take it, remember i cut and burn myself (or did) so shut it. But when i do lose it, when the pain gets to much, look at, its bad. I cant breath, i cry alot, i stop talking (which is a sign something is happening bc i talk ALOT). I shut down, i stare alot, thinking about every thing and anything. It gets better damn bad. Like the other day, it was more than Josh and I breaking up, but dont confuse my words, my break up with Josh was devastating....was it ever. But it was a mix of everything, my break up with Jonathan, who was my fiance...dont tell tacoma and them they didnt know. yeah we were going to get married. BUT NO!! Fucking didnt happen. WHY. bc he gave up....couldnt handle it and now guess WHAT. The mna wants me BACK. O YEah wants me back. Dumbass. And then my feelings for Richard which werent strong but still there. He cursed me out for correcting him on dog (pit bull to be exact), hey im a pre-vet major...i can do that. But the other night everything...everything any guy as every done to me, beat me, hit me, rape me, hurt me, came back in full force. I was having a panick attack. I threw up because i was crying so hard. I seriously thought i was dieing and i was wanting too. I just kept thinking i wasnt meant to be loved..no guy would want me. Why would they?
But fuck all that now. I am happy and in love. Yes the four letter word is back and in actiion..no longer MIA. Im like Eeyore when he finally smiles....the world brighten ups and rainbows come from the sky. Woop Woop. LOL Im happy people....extremely happy.
I LOVE HIM!!!!
Sunday, Dec 4, 2005 - 11:22pm (PST) Edit | Delete | 0 Comments | Permanent Link