woo almost there??? 3rd entrry
Sometimes my outlet is just wrong
Pain, saddness, depression, Frustration, anger; every one has their own way of outlet to let go of things. Writing a song, or poem, building a bird house or working a car, going for a long walk or jogging in the park. start boxing, swim, ride bikes, watch tv. All wonderful ways of outlet then their are others, start drinking, smoking, drugs, fighting to numb the pain for they wont feel alive any more, and then there's self mutilators, people who want to feel alive and the only way they now how to make sure they FEEL. There are certain things in some one's past that they do not want to remember. The taste, smell, touch, or sight of something is something they avoid. Every one has something they do not want to relive, want to bring back to the surface. Every one. Including myself. I am a very closed person, I'm used to being alone, I'm used to dealing things on my own. I know i have to depend on myself and no one else. Life gets hard, they say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. But what if your not strong enough in the first place. Each time it gets hard it gets easierto surcome to the temptation of giving up. The temptation to just let it all go. So You get a choice. Live or die.....Im not sure any more. I dont know anymore if i want to keep fighting. If you met me you would think i am a very happy person, i smile alot and laugh more. But that is when i am with people, not able to think. Not able to let my demons sneak up on me, not let my mind start wondering over the darkness of my past. In my past lies things that i do not try to think about but have to. I have to force myself to remember...never forget. Why bc it reminds me that im still alive i suppose. But i feel numb thinking about it, my body becomes numb and i feel weak, my anxiety rises and i turn to my outlet. Im a cutter and burner or used to be. It prolly will scare people who do not know me, think i am crazy and need help. I dont, i deal with it every day of my life and i win. I do not cute myself any more, i do not need you sympathy or empathy. Dont need it and dont care. You can judge me or not. Its on you. me. I shut down, completely, i stop smiling, i cry alot, then i stop crying and become numb al over again. And that is when i make myself feel, that is when a razor become my answer, it becomes my outlet. I have the scars on my body to testisfy for my pain. Well i dont feel like talking anymore Bye
Saturday, Dec 3, 2005 - 09:03pm (PST) Edit | Delete | 0 Comments | Permanent Link
Pain, saddness, depression, Frustration, anger; every one has their own way of outlet to let go of things. Writing a song, or poem, building a bird house or working a car, going for a long walk or jogging in the park. start boxing, swim, ride bikes, watch tv. All wonderful ways of outlet then their are others, start drinking, smoking, drugs, fighting to numb the pain for they wont feel alive any more, and then there's self mutilators, people who want to feel alive and the only way they now how to make sure they FEEL. There are certain things in some one's past that they do not want to remember. The taste, smell, touch, or sight of something is something they avoid. Every one has something they do not want to relive, want to bring back to the surface. Every one. Including myself. I am a very closed person, I'm used to being alone, I'm used to dealing things on my own. I know i have to depend on myself and no one else. Life gets hard, they say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. But what if your not strong enough in the first place. Each time it gets hard it gets easierto surcome to the temptation of giving up. The temptation to just let it all go. So You get a choice. Live or die.....Im not sure any more. I dont know anymore if i want to keep fighting. If you met me you would think i am a very happy person, i smile alot and laugh more. But that is when i am with people, not able to think. Not able to let my demons sneak up on me, not let my mind start wondering over the darkness of my past. In my past lies things that i do not try to think about but have to. I have to force myself to remember...never forget. Why bc it reminds me that im still alive i suppose. But i feel numb thinking about it, my body becomes numb and i feel weak, my anxiety rises and i turn to my outlet. Im a cutter and burner or used to be. It prolly will scare people who do not know me, think i am crazy and need help. I dont, i deal with it every day of my life and i win. I do not cute myself any more, i do not need you sympathy or empathy. Dont need it and dont care. You can judge me or not. Its on you. me. I shut down, completely, i stop smiling, i cry alot, then i stop crying and become numb al over again. And that is when i make myself feel, that is when a razor become my answer, it becomes my outlet. I have the scars on my body to testisfy for my pain. Well i dont feel like talking anymore Bye
Saturday, Dec 3, 2005 - 09:03pm (PST) Edit | Delete | 0 Comments | Permanent Link