It never rains. It pours.
Because my life can't ever let the fuck up, pure stress lead me to fall asleep in my main therapy session yesterday. I just closed my eyes for a second and when I opened my eyes, the session was over and more than half an hour passed. I freaked out at my psychiatrist and he perscribed me more anti-anxiety meds but I left my wallet at home. So I had to go get it before I could get my drugs and if you've been keeping score, me + cars=not good. The rental company's got me in a minivan and I fucking dented the side because I misjudged the side of the drive-thru because I'm used to my mid-size and bumped it into those obnoxious yellow cement pillons. So there's that.
And since we're talking about cars, at some point before I got home the car guy called - definitely going to be 1.5K which is a problem as they dont do payment plans and I only have 850 in my account. So the fact that the credit card I applied for that I REALLY REALLY NEED TO GET THROUGH THIS got declined is so so very not good. I can't use my old card because ha, it was stolen and shut down and its going to be 2 to 3 weeks before the replacement gets there. Isn't that just fucking great?
I'm still selling my writing and podficcing. Make me an offer. If you've already made me one - Private Message or email me(if you have my email) and we'll talk turkey. If you havent, lets talk anyway. In a couple days (when I get a handle on things beyond breathing) things like clothing, shoes, appliances and the art and icons a couple of friends are willing to contribute will be up for offers too.
Off the money issue, when I got home to stay and went to let my dog out, I fell down the stairs at my apartment complex yesterday. I didnt break my face open because of sheer luck but my knee and hip are both killing me. Then there was the multiple nose bleeds brought on by my raised blood pressure so cue me spitting up blood for a few hours and ruining my favorite tank top. And then? My toilet decided to back up full of shit water - so I was lucky enough to get to spend somewhere between 30 minutes and an hour fighting to try and keep it from overflowing and trying to get the freaking toilet to work at all. Afterwards, as I sat in my bedroom, trying to collect my shit - I was lucky enough to have some few bugs crawl on me. IN MY BED ROOM.
I just. I don't- I dont know you guys. I dont know. Things are bad in Rachaelia. I'm a non smoker who tore through three cigarettes yesterday out of sheer desperation on top of my meds.
I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm drowning. This morning? I've had three moments so far just this morning where I'm so overwhelmed, I am literally paralyzed, like I'm too deep in my head to think or see. I don't know what do. This is the first time I've felt truly hopeless without the root being my chemical imbalances. I...I need help. I just dont know where I'm supposed to get it from because my normal sources arent enough right now.
And since we're talking about cars, at some point before I got home the car guy called - definitely going to be 1.5K which is a problem as they dont do payment plans and I only have 850 in my account. So the fact that the credit card I applied for that I REALLY REALLY NEED TO GET THROUGH THIS got declined is so so very not good. I can't use my old card because ha, it was stolen and shut down and its going to be 2 to 3 weeks before the replacement gets there. Isn't that just fucking great?
I'm still selling my writing and podficcing. Make me an offer. If you've already made me one - Private Message or email me(if you have my email) and we'll talk turkey. If you havent, lets talk anyway. In a couple days (when I get a handle on things beyond breathing) things like clothing, shoes, appliances and the art and icons a couple of friends are willing to contribute will be up for offers too.
Off the money issue, when I got home to stay and went to let my dog out, I fell down the stairs at my apartment complex yesterday. I didnt break my face open because of sheer luck but my knee and hip are both killing me. Then there was the multiple nose bleeds brought on by my raised blood pressure so cue me spitting up blood for a few hours and ruining my favorite tank top. And then? My toilet decided to back up full of shit water - so I was lucky enough to get to spend somewhere between 30 minutes and an hour fighting to try and keep it from overflowing and trying to get the freaking toilet to work at all. Afterwards, as I sat in my bedroom, trying to collect my shit - I was lucky enough to have some few bugs crawl on me. IN MY BED ROOM.
I just. I don't- I dont know you guys. I dont know. Things are bad in Rachaelia. I'm a non smoker who tore through three cigarettes yesterday out of sheer desperation on top of my meds.
I just don't know what to do. I feel like I'm drowning. This morning? I've had three moments so far just this morning where I'm so overwhelmed, I am literally paralyzed, like I'm too deep in my head to think or see. I don't know what do. This is the first time I've felt truly hopeless without the root being my chemical imbalances. I...I need help. I just dont know where I'm supposed to get it from because my normal sources arent enough right now.