I just wish I could dismiss you
Why do I but my nose into everyone else's business? Even people that I can't stand, and want out of my life. Do I butt in in order to have some sort of tye to this person? It's complete and utter bullshit. And also, why do guys that are over 21 date girls that are freaking SEVENTEEN! They are STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL! I guess, I just don't get it. I can understand the age difference at a later time in life, but not at this point in their lives. There's such a huge maturity difference. Even though, I'm sure she's more mature than he will ever be.
I didnt let the message of "you're pretty much the ugliest and nastiest thing I've ever dated" get to me all day. until the last few minutes. Not because of who it came from or why it was said really, but because I wasted over a YEAR of my life with this loser. Either actually with him, or whining and pining for him. I wanted to be with him for a good month after we broke up, even though he was already with another girl. Wow, I thought it was bad then that he was dating an 18 year old. But now....well the age just keeps getting younger I guess.
I've done really well this summer i've realized. Being single and working. It's been a lot of work, and it's been a lot of fun. I've gone to Boston a few times, hung out with my Sarah Willis, and been single. Granted I got asked out on a date and responded with "Uhmm I'm not sure what's happening that date. Call me closer to the date, and we'll see." My mom pointed out I've had a few chances this Summer with having a date, but I just push them away.
I think I finally realized today that I am scared. I want love so bad, but I'm too scared to take the chance and do it. I've had some nasty things said to me, and done to me that I don't wish on any other people. I know I did at one point, but I've grown up since then. I also realized today that I had a great guy that wanted to see me, wanted to date me and every time I would just come up with some excuse not to see him. Even if I didn't do what I said I needed to do. And now, I kind of want him.
Though I won't let myself. I'm not going to get attatched. I'm not going to allow myself to call him every chance I get. And, I need to not jump at every chance of hanging out with him if he ever does call. Hence why "guys date bitches". And, I really do need to come up with some hobbies. I like reading, but I never have time anymore it seems. I enjoy cross-stiching but it hurts my fingers way too much. I LOVE scrapbooking, but it seems everytime I do it I make more of a mess than I can really clean up. So maybe I need to find more practical hobbies? I don't know. Maybe I'll just work out all of the time once I get back to school. I have plenty of time for it before classes everyday.
*Sigh* I just want to find love and not be scared of it anymore.
I didnt let the message of "you're pretty much the ugliest and nastiest thing I've ever dated" get to me all day. until the last few minutes. Not because of who it came from or why it was said really, but because I wasted over a YEAR of my life with this loser. Either actually with him, or whining and pining for him. I wanted to be with him for a good month after we broke up, even though he was already with another girl. Wow, I thought it was bad then that he was dating an 18 year old. But now....well the age just keeps getting younger I guess.
I've done really well this summer i've realized. Being single and working. It's been a lot of work, and it's been a lot of fun. I've gone to Boston a few times, hung out with my Sarah Willis, and been single. Granted I got asked out on a date and responded with "Uhmm I'm not sure what's happening that date. Call me closer to the date, and we'll see." My mom pointed out I've had a few chances this Summer with having a date, but I just push them away.
I think I finally realized today that I am scared. I want love so bad, but I'm too scared to take the chance and do it. I've had some nasty things said to me, and done to me that I don't wish on any other people. I know I did at one point, but I've grown up since then. I also realized today that I had a great guy that wanted to see me, wanted to date me and every time I would just come up with some excuse not to see him. Even if I didn't do what I said I needed to do. And now, I kind of want him.
Though I won't let myself. I'm not going to get attatched. I'm not going to allow myself to call him every chance I get. And, I need to not jump at every chance of hanging out with him if he ever does call. Hence why "guys date bitches". And, I really do need to come up with some hobbies. I like reading, but I never have time anymore it seems. I enjoy cross-stiching but it hurts my fingers way too much. I LOVE scrapbooking, but it seems everytime I do it I make more of a mess than I can really clean up. So maybe I need to find more practical hobbies? I don't know. Maybe I'll just work out all of the time once I get back to school. I have plenty of time for it before classes everyday.
*Sigh* I just want to find love and not be scared of it anymore.