(no subject)
so ive been noticing little things bout my body that i cant stand. certain pants dont fit right on me, or i just look disgusting, and everyone tells me that i havnt gained weight, but im sayin a good 10-15 pounds i have. its disgusting. i really hate it, with everything. from now on im goin on a strict ass diet, and gonna go to the gym every minute i got. cept the days im workin where ill sweat just as much. i dunno when this happened. i mean i dont rmeember me bein this fat. i feel i look overweight. and i dont. but i just feel gross. i cant wear none of the shit i use to cus im too chubby. bleh. startin today im losing all this shit, and gettin back to where i was in the beginnin of the year. and it better happen fast. so im keepin to this shit.
in another note. i went on a date last night. with this boy that ive been talkin to for a bout a month. the night went good. we had fun. we went to see a movie called see no evil. it was gross and i watched it through my eyes most of the time. eventually he was like babe you arright, i was like im fine and he like put his arms around me and pulled me to him. he was a perfect gentleman the whole night. would open doors for me and seat me and shit. paid for everything, but my mind wasnt even near thinkin bout him the whole night. i honestly could not get my mind off will the whole night. and i havnt even talked to him in 2 weeks.. i dunno. i guess i could see myself with will, i felt something for him. and this one.. its just not there. i feel bad but im not leadin him on at all. i dont even know. this one is good for me. he would treat me right and not play games. but i guess thats pretty much why i dont want him. i need a guy whos gonna treat me like shit and not even want me. the thing is.. will had me even before he let me go. me and him would be together if it wasnt for shit inside his head. he knew i was that girl of his dreams, but he wasnt ready. i dunno why he had me. but this one doesnt. and its horrible. but i knew. i just knew it already. i know me. and i dont understand myself. why wouldnt i want a perfectly good man whos gonna treat me right? im an idiot.
in another note. i went on a date last night. with this boy that ive been talkin to for a bout a month. the night went good. we had fun. we went to see a movie called see no evil. it was gross and i watched it through my eyes most of the time. eventually he was like babe you arright, i was like im fine and he like put his arms around me and pulled me to him. he was a perfect gentleman the whole night. would open doors for me and seat me and shit. paid for everything, but my mind wasnt even near thinkin bout him the whole night. i honestly could not get my mind off will the whole night. and i havnt even talked to him in 2 weeks.. i dunno. i guess i could see myself with will, i felt something for him. and this one.. its just not there. i feel bad but im not leadin him on at all. i dont even know. this one is good for me. he would treat me right and not play games. but i guess thats pretty much why i dont want him. i need a guy whos gonna treat me like shit and not even want me. the thing is.. will had me even before he let me go. me and him would be together if it wasnt for shit inside his head. he knew i was that girl of his dreams, but he wasnt ready. i dunno why he had me. but this one doesnt. and its horrible. but i knew. i just knew it already. i know me. and i dont understand myself. why wouldnt i want a perfectly good man whos gonna treat me right? im an idiot.