(no subject)
i guess the hardest thing is to realize youve wasted all this time on someone who doesnt care bout you. im not good enough for him, how many times have i heard that? my whole life.ive never been good enough for any boy. ive just always been that girl everyone uses and then expects me to be there to pick up there pieces when there world comes crashing down, when in reality, theyre the reason mine crashed, and aint no one was there to pick up my pieces. and my problem is, i jump at the chance to help em, cus maybe theyll change.. yea right. the thing is, he does care bout me, and i know that, but i cant continue to play games with him, my hearts in it, been in it, and i thought by lying to myself and pretending like it wasnt id be fine, im wrong. 7 months of this year. ive let go of things and of people because he didnt like them. he hates the two boys closest to me. shit, were together, just without the title. but i cant do that. pretend. i cant do it. i dont wanna play little kid games. grow the fuck up. were old enough. he needs to realize hes not gonna find another girl like me, i would treat him like no girl would, especially his chicks, no, hes definatly not gonna find a girl like me ever. and he knows that, but hes gonna lose me, but not only lose my heart but my friendship too. i cant continue to have it ripped out again and again. he mends the boo boo then keeps tearing it apart. he knows what hes doing. i dont understand why he just cant listen to his heart and be with me. hes making me cry, and i do not cry over boys. my father yesterday told me that he brought me up to be a strong person, one that can hold her own and that im tough and i dont need to cry. thats exactly my mentality. so i feel stupid when i cry. the thing is.. this boy is so wrong for me, and ive jumped through hoops it should mean something. were too involved for me to just disown him. but i honestly cant deal with him playing with my heart anymore. why would he get so upset when im around boys, and he would hold my hand and we act like were together. we say were not exclusive but yet we do everything a couple would in public expect kiss. what the fuck is that. pretty exclusive to me. he makes me feel like shit andi guess i dont need that. i guess i deserve to be treated better. the thing is. all this isnt even half the situation.. but i gotta go to work, and its all i got time to write.