(no subject)
sooo i am studying in the library today...
and i see ryan.
he comes and says hi.
i did better this time.
later i see him outside.
we both had time to kill,
so we talked for like 45 min!
me: "soooo do you have a girlfriend?"
[in my mind-"say no!!! say no!!!"]
ryan: "yeah"
i felt like i someone had stabbed me in my heart!
me: "oh that's cool"
[in my mind- "FUCK FUCK FUCK!"]
me: "how long have you guys been together?"
[in my mind-"please say a week or a few months at the most"]
ryan: "four years"
i felt like someone was TWISTING the
knife in my heart and slowly digging deeper!
i was CRUSHED. still am!
figures! thats just my luck!
four years is SO long!
but then again...
i know some guys who have girlfriends
they don't even love.
they just have them ...
just to have them.
to have SOMEone.
ryan and i REALLY have a connection though!
he's different. not like most guys!
most are all the same!
i really felt like crying when he said they
had been together for 4 years!
that's a LONG time!
i wonder what she's like?
i wonder if they click like we do.
do they have good sex?
is she really pretty?
i don't know what i am going to do.
i can't just turn my feelings for him off.
but i am going to try.
and i see ryan.
he comes and says hi.
i did better this time.
later i see him outside.
we both had time to kill,
so we talked for like 45 min!
me: "soooo do you have a girlfriend?"
[in my mind-"say no!!! say no!!!"]
ryan: "yeah"
i felt like i someone had stabbed me in my heart!
me: "oh that's cool"
[in my mind- "FUCK FUCK FUCK!"]
me: "how long have you guys been together?"
[in my mind-"please say a week or a few months at the most"]
ryan: "four years"
i felt like someone was TWISTING the
knife in my heart and slowly digging deeper!
i was CRUSHED. still am!
figures! thats just my luck!
four years is SO long!
but then again...
i know some guys who have girlfriends
they don't even love.
they just have them ...
just to have them.
to have SOMEone.
ryan and i REALLY have a connection though!
he's different. not like most guys!
most are all the same!
i really felt like crying when he said they
had been together for 4 years!
that's a LONG time!
i wonder what she's like?
i wonder if they click like we do.
do they have good sex?
is she really pretty?
i don't know what i am going to do.
i can't just turn my feelings for him off.
but i am going to try.