(no subject)
I met with my trainer, Andrew, yesterday for the first workout. He's awesome! He was so genuinely positive and motivating. The workout was really tough. He gave me a little plan and a few pep talks. It was a good experience, really.
i don't have much energy to write...I'm really tired today. My first period class was such a drag.
I was on the phone with my mom two days ago. John had just gotten done baking bread (he's a really good cook, I'm spoiled). Anyway I told my mom that he had made bread and she says "Oh more carbohydrates."
That was lovely. It was just hurtful, it some way, I don't even know why, but it hurt. And I'm better about brushing these things off now. I've had a few talks with her about comments on weight and food, and on the whole, she's much better than she used to be. But still, every once in a while, and even from long distance, she can make me feel pretty low. Pretty ashamed of what I'm eating or what I look like.
I mean really, if I was 120 lbs do I think she'd say that? No, she wouldn't.
And it was also hurtful because John eats like a normal person. He baked bread and we each had 2 slices and it was a nice, healthy snack that he had put time into. He didn't make me feel bad about eating it, and I didn't consequently binge my brains out. Living around someone who eats normally has been a nice healthy influence, for once in my life. Granted I've put on a few pounds (mainly because of the lack of exercise), but my binges have become FAR fewer than high school (it was pretty much daily back then), when I was living with my mom. Hmm I wonder why.
anyway... what can I do? I can't change my mom, and her body image issues are rooted so deeply in her frame of thought that I can't expect to talk her out of it. I just have to *try* to let these comments roll of my back. It's just hard.
ok my students are here!
affirmation: I love and care for my body, and it cares for me.
i don't have much energy to write...I'm really tired today. My first period class was such a drag.
I was on the phone with my mom two days ago. John had just gotten done baking bread (he's a really good cook, I'm spoiled). Anyway I told my mom that he had made bread and she says "Oh more carbohydrates."
That was lovely. It was just hurtful, it some way, I don't even know why, but it hurt. And I'm better about brushing these things off now. I've had a few talks with her about comments on weight and food, and on the whole, she's much better than she used to be. But still, every once in a while, and even from long distance, she can make me feel pretty low. Pretty ashamed of what I'm eating or what I look like.
I mean really, if I was 120 lbs do I think she'd say that? No, she wouldn't.
And it was also hurtful because John eats like a normal person. He baked bread and we each had 2 slices and it was a nice, healthy snack that he had put time into. He didn't make me feel bad about eating it, and I didn't consequently binge my brains out. Living around someone who eats normally has been a nice healthy influence, for once in my life. Granted I've put on a few pounds (mainly because of the lack of exercise), but my binges have become FAR fewer than high school (it was pretty much daily back then), when I was living with my mom. Hmm I wonder why.
anyway... what can I do? I can't change my mom, and her body image issues are rooted so deeply in her frame of thought that I can't expect to talk her out of it. I just have to *try* to let these comments roll of my back. It's just hard.
ok my students are here!
affirmation: I love and care for my body, and it cares for me.