Im down to the last straw

[dancer_xo_05]

I just dont know what to do anymore. I dont feel like you care at all about this friendship or what we had. Ive made a few attempts but I dont feel like youve made one. I dont even know what happened, dont I have a right to know why youre so angry with me? Well this is my last attempt because I just dont know how much more I can keep pouring out

Comments

[anonymous]

amy, i was really pissed when you never called me when my grandfather died. yes you called me both when your grandmother died and your father but i mean knowing he was sick, i thought you might call me to check how he was doing or ask someone at school because obviously everyone knew. With your dad i was a whole county away, while my grandfather was one of the biggest names in caswell, i figured you would find out. I didnt call you because amy you know me! i dont depend on anyone and if i called you that would have been my way of showing my self that im weak. You know how i am and i hate to say it but being my best friend, you should have seen that! even now, after my great grandmother died on christmas eve, i havent sheed a tear, because thats how i am and i thought you would know that. I am proud. when you called me from arizona i was trying to be as not rude as possible because i was accually in shock that you called me and pretended nothing had happened. you went on telling me about all that had ever happened with dustin as though we were still as good as ever. i knew that if i tried to act anything but polite that i would come across very suprised and pissed off, which i was. If i was supposed to call you and act like nothing had hurt me more than my best friend (no matter when you found out) not to call me through something that was really hard for me, that should have been left on the voice mail. When he died a few people from the school came to see me, some sent me cards, some just called. I wasnt asking you to drive the five minutes from by to his house to visit me, no all i wanted was my best friend to acknowledge that he had died and she cared. I never got that so my automatic reaction was to shut off from you because no matter how proud you were i imagined you would call. i have to say that you were not the first person i thought of when i found out. i accually didnt call anyone, the only way people found out from school is because bradley was with me when i got that call and i went to school and told all my teachers so i could get the work. i didnt call anyone especially and tell them.
Amy i wish i could take the blame for this one, but it seems like everything thats happened since ive moved has always some way been my fault. you have a way with words amy, and situations, you can manipulate it to work for you. (thats a compliment) but i always felt it was my fault and that i should take the blame if we didnt talk or we "drifted apart" or if we both were too proud to let the other one know that we accually cared. i will not take the blame this time, and im not saying its all your fault because i am proud i understand but i wont take it...i feel no guilt at all for the first time in ages when i think of us drifting apart. im glad our friendship meant something to you, it did to me too, but where do you want to go from here?
nana

[dancer_xo_05]

Well Im not asking you to take all of the blame Iam simply hoping that we both could take responsibility in letting our friendship fail. I do take the blame for not acting like I cared because I did "not act like I cared" but I cared more than you can imagine, I wanted to be there for you and I wanted to be the friend that you had been to me when my grandmother died and when my dad died, I wanted to return the favor. I know you "didnt ask me to drive five minutes from BY to his house to say hello" but I would have...If i had known, when I found out 2 wks later it didnt allow for me to do that. I wish that I hadnt of been so stubborn and I wish that I would have reached out to you regardless of how hurt I had been. Like I said in the livejournal before your response Friendship isnt about putting all the blame on someone else, when friendship as strong as ours faulters its both of us, not one or the other. I realize that and I take all the fault for my part. Iam deeply sorry for not giving you the support that you deserved and needed. I never meant to be such an awful friend.

Adrianna, I love you with all of my heart and I guess this is my way of saying Iam sorry and that I never meant to hurt you. Youve always known me better than anyone and I hope that you know when I say Iam sorry and that I never meant to hurt you, I mean it.

As far as where I want to go from here.... I cant see it going anywhere until you consider my appoligy or until you truly believe me when I say Iam sorry. I never ever meant to hurt you.

Amy

[adaisy05]

Amy, you have no idea how much grief bradley has put me through since our relationship hit the rocks.
I still think we should talk, i think we need to have a blow out all nighter with tissues and crying and pizza bits and ice cream and what nots.
There are still things i wish to tell you, things i was never strong enough to, or things you have missed, or just whatever but i think we need to plan this IMMEDIATELY!
I, too, am sorry that i never gave you a chance (this changes nothing i said earlier!) and im sorry that we've missed christmas together but we will fix this and everything will be alright
i do love you girl!
nana