Theres always some reason to not feel good enough, and its hard at the end of the day
So much is on my mind I don't even know where to begin.
I shouldn't feel like this, senior year, best year of school. All in all I've had a blast, gained some close friends, which I'm afraid has made me distant to my friends that I've had all along. I've realized at the end of the day, you need to live in the present. Living in the past only leaves burdens on you, and the future is never all you think it will be I've come to realize. I don't analyze the pros and cons of every single thing I do. People make mistakes, it's only human to do so. Some situations could have easily been avoided, I don't regret anything I've done this year, although I could have added in some things to avoid uneasy situations. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to show I care. I do, apparently I suck at showing it. Feeling out of place is the worst feeling in the world, how am I supposed to show the true me when I'm not wanted. How am I supposed to show I care when no one will give me the time of day. I do care, I've stood above a drunk girl throwing up all over herself and me for hours skipping the party because I care. I've spent countless hours listening to peoples problems and trying to make people laugh. I do care. Why over the years would I put in so much effort into friendships only to have them gone? Everyone has different ways of dealing with things. Me-I hate drama, and somehow always find myself in it.
I know I've changed, I've stopped kissing peoples asses and being whipped by people just so they like me. I've let down all of the walls I've built up between past shakey friendships cause yes we only live once, why be mad at someone when we have less than 6 months till we all leave this place for good. Apparently I've changed, and a lot of people haven't grown with me. Every experience like this you grow, either for the good or bad. Every experience is testing you on your boundaries, your trust and love for people. After the test is over who do you have there?
Its also sad that people think something of you that they know damn well isn't in character of you do be. I've been called conceeded and cocky. I don't know whos ass this was pulled out of. I havn't changed in that way, I don't hold my head any higher than before, I don't think I'm better than anyone cause I know I'm not. We used to have people envy our friendship, you out of anyone should be proud of me for an accomplishment I've dreamed of all of my life. and all I see is you either don't think I can do it, or you don't want me to. And you apparently knowing everything about friendship, I'd never make you feel out of place, maybe thats the real you too. I know that people can think what they want, and in the end its only your opinion of yourself that matters, cause truely, you only have yourself to rely on. I
Theres so much more I wish I could say. I don't think this will progress, people think what they want and apparently I can't shake it. I really do care, words can't say how much I do. There is so many things left unsaid that you'll never understand. I guess all you can do is wake up in the morning with a positive attitude and be yourself, whoever decides your worth keeping around will know the you you've always been. And love you for all that you used to be, still are, and will be.
In 6 months you'll be 20 hours away, its up to you whether you decide I'm worth keeping till then. We had dreams of being old together and being as close as we used to be. I guess dreams are only as far as the eye can see.
I shouldn't feel like this, senior year, best year of school. All in all I've had a blast, gained some close friends, which I'm afraid has made me distant to my friends that I've had all along. I've realized at the end of the day, you need to live in the present. Living in the past only leaves burdens on you, and the future is never all you think it will be I've come to realize. I don't analyze the pros and cons of every single thing I do. People make mistakes, it's only human to do so. Some situations could have easily been avoided, I don't regret anything I've done this year, although I could have added in some things to avoid uneasy situations. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to show I care. I do, apparently I suck at showing it. Feeling out of place is the worst feeling in the world, how am I supposed to show the true me when I'm not wanted. How am I supposed to show I care when no one will give me the time of day. I do care, I've stood above a drunk girl throwing up all over herself and me for hours skipping the party because I care. I've spent countless hours listening to peoples problems and trying to make people laugh. I do care. Why over the years would I put in so much effort into friendships only to have them gone? Everyone has different ways of dealing with things. Me-I hate drama, and somehow always find myself in it.
I know I've changed, I've stopped kissing peoples asses and being whipped by people just so they like me. I've let down all of the walls I've built up between past shakey friendships cause yes we only live once, why be mad at someone when we have less than 6 months till we all leave this place for good. Apparently I've changed, and a lot of people haven't grown with me. Every experience like this you grow, either for the good or bad. Every experience is testing you on your boundaries, your trust and love for people. After the test is over who do you have there?
Its also sad that people think something of you that they know damn well isn't in character of you do be. I've been called conceeded and cocky. I don't know whos ass this was pulled out of. I havn't changed in that way, I don't hold my head any higher than before, I don't think I'm better than anyone cause I know I'm not. We used to have people envy our friendship, you out of anyone should be proud of me for an accomplishment I've dreamed of all of my life. and all I see is you either don't think I can do it, or you don't want me to. And you apparently knowing everything about friendship, I'd never make you feel out of place, maybe thats the real you too. I know that people can think what they want, and in the end its only your opinion of yourself that matters, cause truely, you only have yourself to rely on. I
Theres so much more I wish I could say. I don't think this will progress, people think what they want and apparently I can't shake it. I really do care, words can't say how much I do. There is so many things left unsaid that you'll never understand. I guess all you can do is wake up in the morning with a positive attitude and be yourself, whoever decides your worth keeping around will know the you you've always been. And love you for all that you used to be, still are, and will be.
In 6 months you'll be 20 hours away, its up to you whether you decide I'm worth keeping till then. We had dreams of being old together and being as close as we used to be. I guess dreams are only as far as the eye can see.