too much.
too much has happened to even begin to start writing about. i find myself in a pretty fucked up place in my life at the moment. my college life is amazing. i love living with morgan and jason and chris. it's like i've known the guys forever, and we all get along so well. we have dinner together once a week, jason made everyone breakfast this morning, last night we all watched a movie together. it's like a little family. i'm in student government now. i applied for the clerk position, and got it. i start a tutoring program this week, and i'm applying to go on alternative spring break this year. formal recruitment for aphi has kept everyone insanely busy. i also have a couple other things going on, but we'll see how they turn out.
as for home, it's weird. i got myself in bad situations this summer because i'm a crazy girl. call it cliche, but i was lied to, and hurt. i found myself completely falling in love with john, and found out this weekend he had been lying to me all along. i cried when i found out. the first time since he came down to see me and tell me he was leaving, and i cried myself to sleep. i cried and it was so painful. but i did something i am so proud of doing, and i am so glad i did it. the pain hasn't gone away at all, but i feel like since he didn't give me closure, i did it for myself. i called him. i didn't message him online, or be a puss about it and let it go. i wanted him to know that he hurt me, because i didn't want it to just go being unsaid. so i said to his voicemail, which i'm sure he listened to right after i left it, "hi john, it's julie. i just wanted to let you know that what you did to me was wrong and you hurt me so much. i couldn't just let it go being unsaid at all. that's all i wanted to say. bye." he's the guy in the situation, and i've got bigger balls than him. doesn't seem right. bobby, his room mate and best friend, pulled me aside this weekend and talked to me about him, and how much john liked me and thought i was awesome. too bad, i guess.
nathan wants to 'make me his girl', but i told him it doesn't seem right for me to be with him if i'm still thinking about john. that's not very fair at all. i like nathan, especially when i'm with him, but sometimes even then i think about john, and how it's not the same feeling.
i'm still so proud of what i did, though.
i don't know. it's like my life is split in two, and both are completely separate from each other. i don't feel like two different people, i just feel like one life is so much more fulfilling than the other. i don't really know how to change it.
there are just so many things on my mind nowadays that i get about 7 hours of sleep at night and i'm still struggling to keep my head from rolling back and my eyes from shutting in class. i'm exhausted. i'm so drained.
but i'm pretty happy. i think. most of the time, at least.
what am i going to do once college ends? life is going to be so weird. and old. ew, i can't even think about it. maybe i'll be the next van wilder. but call me vanny. that's girlier. or more girly. girlie. gURlIe! whatever.
meh.
as for home, it's weird. i got myself in bad situations this summer because i'm a crazy girl. call it cliche, but i was lied to, and hurt. i found myself completely falling in love with john, and found out this weekend he had been lying to me all along. i cried when i found out. the first time since he came down to see me and tell me he was leaving, and i cried myself to sleep. i cried and it was so painful. but i did something i am so proud of doing, and i am so glad i did it. the pain hasn't gone away at all, but i feel like since he didn't give me closure, i did it for myself. i called him. i didn't message him online, or be a puss about it and let it go. i wanted him to know that he hurt me, because i didn't want it to just go being unsaid. so i said to his voicemail, which i'm sure he listened to right after i left it, "hi john, it's julie. i just wanted to let you know that what you did to me was wrong and you hurt me so much. i couldn't just let it go being unsaid at all. that's all i wanted to say. bye." he's the guy in the situation, and i've got bigger balls than him. doesn't seem right. bobby, his room mate and best friend, pulled me aside this weekend and talked to me about him, and how much john liked me and thought i was awesome. too bad, i guess.
nathan wants to 'make me his girl', but i told him it doesn't seem right for me to be with him if i'm still thinking about john. that's not very fair at all. i like nathan, especially when i'm with him, but sometimes even then i think about john, and how it's not the same feeling.
i'm still so proud of what i did, though.
i don't know. it's like my life is split in two, and both are completely separate from each other. i don't feel like two different people, i just feel like one life is so much more fulfilling than the other. i don't really know how to change it.
there are just so many things on my mind nowadays that i get about 7 hours of sleep at night and i'm still struggling to keep my head from rolling back and my eyes from shutting in class. i'm exhausted. i'm so drained.
but i'm pretty happy. i think. most of the time, at least.
what am i going to do once college ends? life is going to be so weird. and old. ew, i can't even think about it. maybe i'll be the next van wilder. but call me vanny. that's girlier. or more girly. girlie. gURlIe! whatever.
meh.