life after being head over heels in love
Life after shawn has been...well it's just been. People are running their mouths, not just about me,but him and are relationship. I wish people wouldn't do that. I have no hard feelings towards him, in fact, I'm still in love with him and I don't know when that will change. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about him or the way it felt when he held me. God I miss him so much. All I can think about is why did we have to have that fight. It was a stupid fight, something I never thought would lead to this. We talked a few times, mostly about bullshit, and he is letting me vent to him about the other crap in my life. Maybe if i just give it time, things will work themselves out. He's never going to forgive me for what I did, and I understand that, but I just miss him terribly. I've never felt so alone before. Honestly, I feel like i've fallen into a depression again. I'm not really eating like i should be, one or two meals a day is it. I'm doing things to keep my mind off of him, but at night I can't help but think of how things were, I can't help but miss the sound of his voice when he said goodnight. He was my heart, he still is my heart. What I wouldn't give for one minute to tell him everything. About how I lied about how I was when he was away. About how I loved him almost from the start. How I can't remember not being in love with him at any point. I just hope he's happy cause honestly I'm not.