FIC: Murdock Is A Gay (slash, crack, DADT)

Jan 04, 2011 16:34


RATING: PG for language and sexual references
GENRE: A-Team movieverse
SUMMARY: Written for a prompt on the A-Team Kink Meme.
Murdock is thrilled about Don't Ask, Don't Tell being repealed. He tells everyone, even if they didn't ask.

1.)
The person you are trying to reach is unavailable. Please leave your message after the tone.
(BEEP)
“Hi, Captain Sykes! It’s Murdock! You know, from Iraq? Don’t worry, I’m not calling to reminisce about the war or the sand or the camel spiders or that time you put superglue in my flight helmet, the hair grew back even thicker and stronger by the way so thanks for the extra body and lustre. Just wanted to let you know that you were right, that time in the bar. I am a fag. That’s right, 100% grade A, all-American faggot, yes homo. Someone you showered with is a gay! Does that make YOU a gay? Does that mean that a gay has lusted after your naked form? Does that mean you have fanTABulous gaydar? I don’t know, I’m not one to judge and I don’t have all the answers. I just know that I’m out and proud, and having more sex than you will ever have, with someone way hotter than you will ever get. So HA! You didn’t ask, but I told, because I can. Well, that’s all I wanted to say. Bye!”
(CLICK)

2.)
(DING DONG)
“Hi, I’ve got a meat lovers pizza with extra cheese?”
“I’m gay!”
“...Uh, okay.”
“I have hot gay sex with my hot gay boyfriend. Homosexually!”
“...”
“Ooh, meat-lovers! You know why I ordered that, don’t you? Oh us queers, we love our innuendo! In-YOUR-endo, right? Nah, I’m just messing with you. We’re not all alike. Look at me: Southern boy, born and bred, Army strong, you don’t think of people like me when you think of queers. I want to change that.”
“Sir, did you even order a pizza?”
“Yeah! I don’t want it though. Here, you have it, on me, keep the change. Just wanted to spread the word. Tell your friends: You met Captain HM Murdock today, and he’s out and proud. Don’t use the word ‘queer’ though. That is OUR word, and you can’t use it! Ahhh, I’m just messing with you again. Man, you got a weird look on your face. Here, you get out of here, eat that pizza and relax. I think you’re working too hard.”

3.)
“Is it because I’m gay?”
“I... pardon me?”
“I see you’re buying cheese. Is it because I’m gay? It’s okay, I won’t get mad.”
“Er... No. No, I just need cheese.”
“Oh, okay. I am gay though.”
“Yeah, I gathered that.”
“I have a boyfriend. He lets me call him his boyfriend now because Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was repealed. Before that, he was all shy and weird about it, but I can tell people now. So I’m telling you. I have a boyfriend.”
“I’m very happy for you. Excuse me.”
“Oh sure, sorry. Need to pick some things up myself. You know, food, laundry powder, lube... You know how it is. Okay, bye! Have a nice day!”

4.)
From: hm.murdock@gmail.com
To: HM Murdock
CC:
Subject: My big gay homosexuality

Hi All,

I wasn’t sure who to send this to so I just highlighted my entire address book. Hope it works. Let me know if you dont’ get it and I’ll resend. Just wanted everyone to know that I’m gay, homosexual, queer and faggoty. I’ve been like this for the entire time you have known me, so don’t think of me as different now, think of me as the same person without a big secret. The secret being that I love the cock. Love it. I won’t get into detail because I think I might have some family members on here, but lets just say that if it can be done with or to a penis, I’ve done it, had it done to me, or plan to do it in the very near future.

I also have a boyfriend, who I love with all of my heart and soul, who I’ve loved and been in an adult relationship (that means lots of sex, for those of you who aren’t my family. For those of you who are my family, don’t read that last part) with for five years. If it makes you feel better, you can call him my partner or my lover or my soul-mate or my better half, but we’re very together so either way you’d better get used to it.

Happy Holidays,

Former Captain HM Murdock, Esq.

5.)
“I’M GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!”
“Jesus! Murdock, put the megaphone d-“
“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!”
“Yes, we know, god, but you’re destroying my eardru-“
“I’M HERE, I’M QUEER, I DON’T KNOW THE REST OF THE CHANT! I’M HERE, I’M QUEER! THAT’S ENOUGH, RIGHT? I’M HERE! I’m hey! Give that back!”
“No. My ears are bleeding.”
“They are not. Please? Just a little one? I promise it won’t be a chant.”
“There’s barely anyone in this park anyway. Who are you telling? That mother and her three-year-old kid? Those joggers? That man whose dog you scared?”
“Aw, it’s not about them, Faceman. It’s about me. I’m just... I’m just enjoying being able to say it.”
“Loudly. Really loudly, in my ear.”
“You can go if you want.”
“Ah, don’t look so... Come on, Murdock, you know I’m happy about this too, right?”
“Mmm.”
“Don’t be like that, man, come on.”
“Mm.”
“....Okay, one more chant. Just one. And you can’t do it directly into my ear this time.”
“One chant, I promise. You’ll barely hear it.”
“Okay, go-“
“GAY!”
“Murdock!”
“That was practice.”

face, a-team, fanfic, crack, murdock

Previous post Next post
Up