FIC: Concessions, Part 4 (WIP)
GENRE: Angst/drama, comedy. A-Team Movieverse
SUMMARY: Mental illness isn't all sock puppets and silly voices. How does the team deal with the serious side of Murdock's illness?
RATING: M (violence, language, adult themes)
Thanks for the reviews! They keep me writing. Thanks for reading. :)
(PART ONE) (PART TWO) (PART THREE)
To his credit, Hannibal only froze for the very briefest of moments. "Captain," he greeted brightly. "Glad to see you up and about. Take a seat." He gestured to the faux-leather sofa on the right-hand side of the office as though he'd sent for Murdock personally and had been expecting him all along.
As the door swung open fully, it was apparent that Murdock wasn't so much standing in the doorway as leaning against it. His face was pale and he was still dressed in only the plain tee and boxers he'd slept in. He had managed to pull on his boots at least, but the laces were untied, sloppily shoved into the boots themselves to avoid a tripping hazard.
"The door was open..." Murdock offered by way of apology. Hannibal shot Face a quick glare that the Lieutenant could feel through the back of his skull.
The Captain pushed off the doorway and made his shaky way to the couch. Face was sympathetic: Trying to move around after being sedated was no easy feat. Well, Face knew what it was like trying to check yourself out of a field hospital after coming out of a general anaesthetic. He figured it was probably the same thing, but without later having to put up with Hannibal's lecture about "irresponsible" this and "reckless" that and "don't you dare try to bat your eyes at me Lieutenant, I'm not one of those nurses and you can't charm your way out of this", blah blah blah.
Belatedly, Face realised that once Murdock was settled, things were going to get very awkward. He couldn't just come out and ask, "How much did you hear?", because that would basically be waving a big "We Were Talking About You!" banner in Murdock's face. God dammit! Now Face felt like a teenaged girl caught gossiping, and feeling like a teenaged girl was one of his LEAST favourite feelings.
Of course, he should have learned by now to never underestimate Hannibal's ability to improvise.
"How are you feeling, Captain?" asked Hannibal. He still had a polite expression of interest on his features, not at all like the deer-in-the-headlights look Face was sure he'd sported when he'd heard Murdock's voice. God dammit, again. Face was never good at conning his friends. He really needed to work on that.
"I feel like I've been drugged, Sir," was Murdock's honest reply, and HA!, thought Face. They both looked expectantly to Hannibal, one expression woozy and one distinctly shit-eating.
Hannibal ignored Face. "You were drugged," he confirmed to Murdock. "In fact, I wasn't expecting you to wake up for at least another hour."
Murdock gave a small jerk of the shoulders that could be taken as a shrug. "I got a fast metabolism." His speech was slightly slurred, Texas accent thick as he fought through the drug. "Were you talking? I can come back?"
"It's all right, Captain. The Lieutenant and I were just finishing up here."
Face took that as his cue to leave, but as he stood up, Murdock held out a hand. "No, it's okay, it's not... I mean, I just wanted to ask. What happened last night? I figure you were both there so I don't mind, if Face wants to stay."
Face didn't really want to stay. He was still feeling awkward and caught out, and he still didn't know how he felt about what happened last night. The easy banter he could normally engage in with the pilot didn't apply anymore and he felt strange and stiff, out of his depth. But this could be his only opportunity to get answers. Hannibal said that Murdock could talk to Face about his problems if he so chose. He didn't say that Murdock couldn't be loose-lipped from tranquilisers when he did so. This wasn't exploiting, Face rationed. It was... using an opportunity. He sat back into his chair.
Hannibal gave Face a warning look, which the Lieutenant ignored. "Do you remember anything about last night?" Face asked Murdock.
"Um, not really." Murdock looked embarrassed. So this had happened before. You lose chunks of memory, you panic. Unless you're used to it. "I remember going to bed, uh, having some weird dreams, but that's normal."
"Weird is normal?" Face blurted before he could stop himself.
Murdock quirked his lip. "Vivid. I'm on these..." He looked to Hannibal, as if realising that he might be saying something that he shouldn't. When the Colonel didn't say anything, Murdock continued. "Um, on these pills," another look to Hannibal, "for stuff," a look to Face now, to judge his reaction, "and one of the side-effects is you get really vivid dreams. I'm pretty used to it but, you know, I still notice it." Another strange half-shrug. He was talking slower than usual, like his brain wasn't working as fast as he needed it to and he couldn't filter what he should and shouldn't say. Face almost felt bad for seeing him in this state.
Hannibal seemed to feel the same - or he just didn't want Face to have the opportunity to learn about Murdock's private life because he was still sore about Face's outburst from before, the stubborn old bastard - because he steered the topic away. "You woke up in the middle of the night, Murdock," he said, deliberately keeping the conversation casual with the use of the man's name rather than military title. "You don't remember that?"
Murdock seemed to squirm without really moving. His face twitched a bit. "No." He seemed to be trying not to avoid eye-contact or blush. "Did I... What did I do?"
"Did you see the wall by your bed?" Again, Face's mouth worked faster than his brain, and he didn't need to look at Hannibal to imagine the glare that was being sent his way. Okay, that one he deserved.
"No," Murdock frowned. "I just woke up and you were all gone, and this." He waved his bandaged hand around vaguely. "So I came here. I didn't really... I didn't look around."
"Well," said Face, determined to fix what the foot in his mouth started. "You, ah. You kind of cut your hand. On the wall. By rubbing it on the wall." That was the truth, right? Without any editorialising comments like "and it was freaky as shit" or "you were acting so weird I was thinking we should call an old priest and a young priest".
"You weren't yourself, Murdock," said Hannibal. "You didn't seem to recognise us. Have you had an episode like that before?" He knew the answer, Face realised. Hannibal just wanted to know what Murdock would say about it.
"Um, I've had memory lapses before," and there was the embarrassment again, "but it's not something that happens all the time. I mean, it won't happen all the time." Face felt a wave of pity. "It's not usually..." Something seemed to occur to Murdock, and he looked at the other men with eyes as wide as they would go while the sedative still chugged through his bloodstream. "I didn't hurt anyone did I?"
"No," said Face firmly, before Hannibal could answer. "No, you were just hurting yourself. I mean, you didn't... Argh." Murdock gave a soft snort of laughter at Face's noise of frustration. Encouraged, Face grinned back. Okay, so it didn't have to be all eggshells. This was still the same guy he'd been hanging out with for five weeks. That made it easier. "You were fine," Face settled on. "You didn't hurt anyone or break anything. I was just worried about your hand. That's why we sedated you." He was getting into the swing of it now. "So you could get some rest and we could look at your hand."
"Were you the one who...?" Murdock waved the bandaged appendage again.
"Yeah. It was nothing." Hannibal raised an eyebrow at the modesty, which Face pointedly ignored. "You didn't need much. I just cleaned the splinters out and disinfected it. There's a cut on your palm that needed a couple of steri-strips, but it should be fine in a couple of days. Um, your fingertips were kinda... raw, so they might sting a bit, but if you keep them wrapped up they'll be fine."
Murdock looked down and poked at his injured palm gingerly. "Thanks."
"No problem." Face stopped himself from saying "Anytime," because this wasn't something he wanted to make a habit of, and he was pretty sure Murdock wouldn't appreciate the implication that Face thought it would be a regular occurrence. "Hey, stop poking that."
Murdock pulled his uninjured hand away from the bandages. "Sorry." He smiled at Face, who couldn't help but smile back. God dammit, a third time. Why did Face always have to bond with the weird ones?
The prime example of that cleared his throat. "If you don't mind, Captain, Lieutenant," said Hannibal, "I'd like to talk to the Captain alone." He looked at Face hard. "That is, unless you have anything else you'd like to say to Murdock, Face?"
Not catching the exchange, Murdock nodded, then exhaled deeply as the action seemed to make him dizzy. Face stood up, meeting Hannibal's gaze squarely. "No, Sir." He squeezed Murdock's shoulder as he passed. "Hope you feel better, man."
"Thanks, Face." The tone of Murdock's voice made Face feel even better about his decision. The Captain had enough to worry about without stressing over one little incident where no one even got hurt. Even if BA and Hannibal hadn't been there last night, Murdock wouldn't have been able to do Face any real damage. He was a month out of a psych ward and Face was in top Ranger shape, Army strong. Murdock was no weakling, but it would have been easy enough for Face to overpower him. There was no need for Murdock to be burdened with the full knowledge of what happened last night.
And it was then, as he closed the door to Hannibal's office, that it hit Face. He was doing exactly what he'd criticised Hannibal for doing: Treating Murdock differently, "protecting" him and deciding what was in the other man's best interests. Face rubbed the back of his neck. Okay, Hannibal, he thought. Fair enough. This isn't as easy as it looks.
That really, really sucked.
PART 5
SUMMARY: Mental illness isn't all sock puppets and silly voices. How does the team deal with the serious side of Murdock's illness?
RATING: M (violence, language, adult themes)
Thanks for the reviews! They keep me writing. Thanks for reading. :)
(PART ONE) (PART TWO) (PART THREE)
To his credit, Hannibal only froze for the very briefest of moments. "Captain," he greeted brightly. "Glad to see you up and about. Take a seat." He gestured to the faux-leather sofa on the right-hand side of the office as though he'd sent for Murdock personally and had been expecting him all along.
As the door swung open fully, it was apparent that Murdock wasn't so much standing in the doorway as leaning against it. His face was pale and he was still dressed in only the plain tee and boxers he'd slept in. He had managed to pull on his boots at least, but the laces were untied, sloppily shoved into the boots themselves to avoid a tripping hazard.
"The door was open..." Murdock offered by way of apology. Hannibal shot Face a quick glare that the Lieutenant could feel through the back of his skull.
The Captain pushed off the doorway and made his shaky way to the couch. Face was sympathetic: Trying to move around after being sedated was no easy feat. Well, Face knew what it was like trying to check yourself out of a field hospital after coming out of a general anaesthetic. He figured it was probably the same thing, but without later having to put up with Hannibal's lecture about "irresponsible" this and "reckless" that and "don't you dare try to bat your eyes at me Lieutenant, I'm not one of those nurses and you can't charm your way out of this", blah blah blah.
Belatedly, Face realised that once Murdock was settled, things were going to get very awkward. He couldn't just come out and ask, "How much did you hear?", because that would basically be waving a big "We Were Talking About You!" banner in Murdock's face. God dammit! Now Face felt like a teenaged girl caught gossiping, and feeling like a teenaged girl was one of his LEAST favourite feelings.
Of course, he should have learned by now to never underestimate Hannibal's ability to improvise.
"How are you feeling, Captain?" asked Hannibal. He still had a polite expression of interest on his features, not at all like the deer-in-the-headlights look Face was sure he'd sported when he'd heard Murdock's voice. God dammit, again. Face was never good at conning his friends. He really needed to work on that.
"I feel like I've been drugged, Sir," was Murdock's honest reply, and HA!, thought Face. They both looked expectantly to Hannibal, one expression woozy and one distinctly shit-eating.
Hannibal ignored Face. "You were drugged," he confirmed to Murdock. "In fact, I wasn't expecting you to wake up for at least another hour."
Murdock gave a small jerk of the shoulders that could be taken as a shrug. "I got a fast metabolism." His speech was slightly slurred, Texas accent thick as he fought through the drug. "Were you talking? I can come back?"
"It's all right, Captain. The Lieutenant and I were just finishing up here."
Face took that as his cue to leave, but as he stood up, Murdock held out a hand. "No, it's okay, it's not... I mean, I just wanted to ask. What happened last night? I figure you were both there so I don't mind, if Face wants to stay."
Face didn't really want to stay. He was still feeling awkward and caught out, and he still didn't know how he felt about what happened last night. The easy banter he could normally engage in with the pilot didn't apply anymore and he felt strange and stiff, out of his depth. But this could be his only opportunity to get answers. Hannibal said that Murdock could talk to Face about his problems if he so chose. He didn't say that Murdock couldn't be loose-lipped from tranquilisers when he did so. This wasn't exploiting, Face rationed. It was... using an opportunity. He sat back into his chair.
Hannibal gave Face a warning look, which the Lieutenant ignored. "Do you remember anything about last night?" Face asked Murdock.
"Um, not really." Murdock looked embarrassed. So this had happened before. You lose chunks of memory, you panic. Unless you're used to it. "I remember going to bed, uh, having some weird dreams, but that's normal."
"Weird is normal?" Face blurted before he could stop himself.
Murdock quirked his lip. "Vivid. I'm on these..." He looked to Hannibal, as if realising that he might be saying something that he shouldn't. When the Colonel didn't say anything, Murdock continued. "Um, on these pills," another look to Hannibal, "for stuff," a look to Face now, to judge his reaction, "and one of the side-effects is you get really vivid dreams. I'm pretty used to it but, you know, I still notice it." Another strange half-shrug. He was talking slower than usual, like his brain wasn't working as fast as he needed it to and he couldn't filter what he should and shouldn't say. Face almost felt bad for seeing him in this state.
Hannibal seemed to feel the same - or he just didn't want Face to have the opportunity to learn about Murdock's private life because he was still sore about Face's outburst from before, the stubborn old bastard - because he steered the topic away. "You woke up in the middle of the night, Murdock," he said, deliberately keeping the conversation casual with the use of the man's name rather than military title. "You don't remember that?"
Murdock seemed to squirm without really moving. His face twitched a bit. "No." He seemed to be trying not to avoid eye-contact or blush. "Did I... What did I do?"
"Did you see the wall by your bed?" Again, Face's mouth worked faster than his brain, and he didn't need to look at Hannibal to imagine the glare that was being sent his way. Okay, that one he deserved.
"No," Murdock frowned. "I just woke up and you were all gone, and this." He waved his bandaged hand around vaguely. "So I came here. I didn't really... I didn't look around."
"Well," said Face, determined to fix what the foot in his mouth started. "You, ah. You kind of cut your hand. On the wall. By rubbing it on the wall." That was the truth, right? Without any editorialising comments like "and it was freaky as shit" or "you were acting so weird I was thinking we should call an old priest and a young priest".
"You weren't yourself, Murdock," said Hannibal. "You didn't seem to recognise us. Have you had an episode like that before?" He knew the answer, Face realised. Hannibal just wanted to know what Murdock would say about it.
"Um, I've had memory lapses before," and there was the embarrassment again, "but it's not something that happens all the time. I mean, it won't happen all the time." Face felt a wave of pity. "It's not usually..." Something seemed to occur to Murdock, and he looked at the other men with eyes as wide as they would go while the sedative still chugged through his bloodstream. "I didn't hurt anyone did I?"
"No," said Face firmly, before Hannibal could answer. "No, you were just hurting yourself. I mean, you didn't... Argh." Murdock gave a soft snort of laughter at Face's noise of frustration. Encouraged, Face grinned back. Okay, so it didn't have to be all eggshells. This was still the same guy he'd been hanging out with for five weeks. That made it easier. "You were fine," Face settled on. "You didn't hurt anyone or break anything. I was just worried about your hand. That's why we sedated you." He was getting into the swing of it now. "So you could get some rest and we could look at your hand."
"Were you the one who...?" Murdock waved the bandaged appendage again.
"Yeah. It was nothing." Hannibal raised an eyebrow at the modesty, which Face pointedly ignored. "You didn't need much. I just cleaned the splinters out and disinfected it. There's a cut on your palm that needed a couple of steri-strips, but it should be fine in a couple of days. Um, your fingertips were kinda... raw, so they might sting a bit, but if you keep them wrapped up they'll be fine."
Murdock looked down and poked at his injured palm gingerly. "Thanks."
"No problem." Face stopped himself from saying "Anytime," because this wasn't something he wanted to make a habit of, and he was pretty sure Murdock wouldn't appreciate the implication that Face thought it would be a regular occurrence. "Hey, stop poking that."
Murdock pulled his uninjured hand away from the bandages. "Sorry." He smiled at Face, who couldn't help but smile back. God dammit, a third time. Why did Face always have to bond with the weird ones?
The prime example of that cleared his throat. "If you don't mind, Captain, Lieutenant," said Hannibal, "I'd like to talk to the Captain alone." He looked at Face hard. "That is, unless you have anything else you'd like to say to Murdock, Face?"
Not catching the exchange, Murdock nodded, then exhaled deeply as the action seemed to make him dizzy. Face stood up, meeting Hannibal's gaze squarely. "No, Sir." He squeezed Murdock's shoulder as he passed. "Hope you feel better, man."
"Thanks, Face." The tone of Murdock's voice made Face feel even better about his decision. The Captain had enough to worry about without stressing over one little incident where no one even got hurt. Even if BA and Hannibal hadn't been there last night, Murdock wouldn't have been able to do Face any real damage. He was a month out of a psych ward and Face was in top Ranger shape, Army strong. Murdock was no weakling, but it would have been easy enough for Face to overpower him. There was no need for Murdock to be burdened with the full knowledge of what happened last night.
And it was then, as he closed the door to Hannibal's office, that it hit Face. He was doing exactly what he'd criticised Hannibal for doing: Treating Murdock differently, "protecting" him and deciding what was in the other man's best interests. Face rubbed the back of his neck. Okay, Hannibal, he thought. Fair enough. This isn't as easy as it looks.
That really, really sucked.
PART 5