On Being a Very Useful Engine
It didn’t take long after my new-found energy to start overextending myself trying to be useful to everyone. Granted, it was all for good reasons - one friends mother died, so I’m helping design the program for the funeral. Another friend (and coworker’s) father had a heart attack, so I’m trying to help her with her new workload while she takes care of him. Working on a massive history presentation for a group, in hopes of getting their help in return with some of my own history projects. Going through photos from my Dad’s side of the family to add to the online album for my cousin that passed, so her sister will have something to remember her by. Plus I’m trying to get my house clean and decorated for my youngest kids’ birthday coming up next week. And yet somehow, I also know I need to focus on my health and well-being, so somewhere in there I need to get some sleep and self-care going.
Last night I was a little less than reasonable, because I couldn’t find the bag of important papers I had for my father - it had almost everything I need to handle his affairs, and somehow while getting the kids to help me clean last month, it got put…somewhere. I know it’s in that house somewhere, but the more I tried and failed to find it, the more flustered I got, and the more I just started moving stuff from one area to another until it was all a mess again. I ended up giving up for the night and heading to bed, saying the serenity prayer repeatedly like a mantra until I was relaxed enough to fall asleep. Tonight, my goal is to go home, sleep a couple hours to make up for last night’s anxiety marathon, and THEN slowly start cleaning from one end of the house to the other, until it shows up. Or until I need to get some more rest, whichever comes first.
Sometimes I make a list when I get overwhelmed, not just to remind me of what has to be done, but more importantly to remind me (when I check things off) that I AM getting things done, and I need to acknowledge those accomplishments when they happen, instead of running myself ragged trying to be useful 100% of the time (a completely impossible standard, I know). I’m glad I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I can take a step back and delegate if I really need to - I’m not perfect at it, but I know I spent years being too hard on myself and thinking my entire sense of self-worth was wrapped up in how much help I was giving to other people. I still get a good feeling helping others, but it’s not my sole redeeming quality, and not something I have to be doing all of the time, no matter what. That’s progress at least, isn’t it?
Ayn Rand I am NOT. Nor do I want to be.
Anyway, I think I’m just rambling now, so signing off. Have a good night, all!
Last night I was a little less than reasonable, because I couldn’t find the bag of important papers I had for my father - it had almost everything I need to handle his affairs, and somehow while getting the kids to help me clean last month, it got put…somewhere. I know it’s in that house somewhere, but the more I tried and failed to find it, the more flustered I got, and the more I just started moving stuff from one area to another until it was all a mess again. I ended up giving up for the night and heading to bed, saying the serenity prayer repeatedly like a mantra until I was relaxed enough to fall asleep. Tonight, my goal is to go home, sleep a couple hours to make up for last night’s anxiety marathon, and THEN slowly start cleaning from one end of the house to the other, until it shows up. Or until I need to get some more rest, whichever comes first.
Sometimes I make a list when I get overwhelmed, not just to remind me of what has to be done, but more importantly to remind me (when I check things off) that I AM getting things done, and I need to acknowledge those accomplishments when they happen, instead of running myself ragged trying to be useful 100% of the time (a completely impossible standard, I know). I’m glad I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I can take a step back and delegate if I really need to - I’m not perfect at it, but I know I spent years being too hard on myself and thinking my entire sense of self-worth was wrapped up in how much help I was giving to other people. I still get a good feeling helping others, but it’s not my sole redeeming quality, and not something I have to be doing all of the time, no matter what. That’s progress at least, isn’t it?
Ayn Rand I am NOT. Nor do I want to be.
Anyway, I think I’m just rambling now, so signing off. Have a good night, all!