"One more time...what's one more time?" says the addict.
"Goodbye"
Last night, one of the people I looked up to said this to me and it was a BITTER (not at all sweet) goodbye. Everything was a result of a misunderstanding and lack of consideration of feelings from both parties involved. I don't want to go all defensive, but I have been hurt so many times before by this person, that you'd think this is just "one more time...what's one more time?" But it's not.
I know I could be too sensitive for my own good. "Iyakin ka talaga," my friend told me recently when she saw me crying after thinking everything was okay. Maybe I take things too personally, but again, I am trying to be objective.
Mirrors are the humans themselves
It only shows the beauty
Almost everyone can see
But never showing the person inside me
It's strange. I've always been good at hiding my emotions, but lately, the thought of one person or the other or the painful words that someone says to me brings back the heavy feeling I have inside. That heavy feeling pushes upwards and urges the tears down my cheeks. This has happened before. This actually always happens. But I have never been truly insulted because of my tears.
"What are you doing in there? Crying in the corner? What do you want? Attention? Come out and cry in front of us."
If you ask me, it's normal to have these disagreements with your own father. But when it is someone else that you look up to, you come to feel like you've lost them forever, unless the bonds have been stabilized and unbreakable between the two of you. My friends who were at the scene believe that all will be better, and I want to believe that too.
Forgive and forget...
We talked about this in Bible Study recently. They say that to forget is necessary to forgive because it means forgetting the act and leaving it in the past where it belongs. Who knows how long it will take me to forget what happened? Maybe things will get better just like my friends said, but nothing will be the same. It might simply be the pessimism and the hurt talking right now, but what can I say? This was a big thing (or am I making it a big thing?) and how much have I lost a result of this? This person gave me this much pain, but at the same time, so much gladness and love for music and even more, love for God.
Right now, it might not be something I'll regret doing in the past. I don't even know what I did wrong. If anything, I protected my pride and dignity. It may have appeared rude, but rude would have been if I stuck around and had let my emotions get the better of me.
Hypocrisy... - noun, the inability to walk one's talk
"I am a hypocrite by saying that I am not a hypocrite."
It's funny (or more of ironic?) how everyone gives their own advice to a given situation. More often than not, it is the same advice over and over again. When it comes to grades, "Bawi nalang sa next one." When it comes to relationships, "He wasn't meant for you." When it comes to life, "Look at the brighter side of it." Name me one person who does not have a difficult time moving past the past.
For every error that we do and realize we have done, it is not erased. Now what is stupid if you look back in your life and see it done over and over and over again. There is a constant need for change in us. That hypocritical side of us may always be there, but what will make it disappear is our consistent battle to conquer that. "I am not a hypocrite. Call me one and I will prove you wrong."
This is growing up. Knowing who you are. Realizing what you are doing wrong. Changing yourself before changing the world. I learned this in psychology. I did not expect to learn what I just did. I expected to read people's minds or some shiz (yes, I am kidding) but in the end, you see what you become as a result of what you decide to do with your life, where you are headed, where you will be.
Last night, one of the people I looked up to said this to me and it was a BITTER (not at all sweet) goodbye. Everything was a result of a misunderstanding and lack of consideration of feelings from both parties involved. I don't want to go all defensive, but I have been hurt so many times before by this person, that you'd think this is just "one more time...what's one more time?" But it's not.
I know I could be too sensitive for my own good. "Iyakin ka talaga," my friend told me recently when she saw me crying after thinking everything was okay. Maybe I take things too personally, but again, I am trying to be objective.
Mirrors are the humans themselves
It only shows the beauty
Almost everyone can see
But never showing the person inside me
It's strange. I've always been good at hiding my emotions, but lately, the thought of one person or the other or the painful words that someone says to me brings back the heavy feeling I have inside. That heavy feeling pushes upwards and urges the tears down my cheeks. This has happened before. This actually always happens. But I have never been truly insulted because of my tears.
"What are you doing in there? Crying in the corner? What do you want? Attention? Come out and cry in front of us."
If you ask me, it's normal to have these disagreements with your own father. But when it is someone else that you look up to, you come to feel like you've lost them forever, unless the bonds have been stabilized and unbreakable between the two of you. My friends who were at the scene believe that all will be better, and I want to believe that too.
Forgive and forget...
We talked about this in Bible Study recently. They say that to forget is necessary to forgive because it means forgetting the act and leaving it in the past where it belongs. Who knows how long it will take me to forget what happened? Maybe things will get better just like my friends said, but nothing will be the same. It might simply be the pessimism and the hurt talking right now, but what can I say? This was a big thing (or am I making it a big thing?) and how much have I lost a result of this? This person gave me this much pain, but at the same time, so much gladness and love for music and even more, love for God.
Right now, it might not be something I'll regret doing in the past. I don't even know what I did wrong. If anything, I protected my pride and dignity. It may have appeared rude, but rude would have been if I stuck around and had let my emotions get the better of me.
Hypocrisy... - noun, the inability to walk one's talk
"I am a hypocrite by saying that I am not a hypocrite."
It's funny (or more of ironic?) how everyone gives their own advice to a given situation. More often than not, it is the same advice over and over again. When it comes to grades, "Bawi nalang sa next one." When it comes to relationships, "He wasn't meant for you." When it comes to life, "Look at the brighter side of it." Name me one person who does not have a difficult time moving past the past.
For every error that we do and realize we have done, it is not erased. Now what is stupid if you look back in your life and see it done over and over and over again. There is a constant need for change in us. That hypocritical side of us may always be there, but what will make it disappear is our consistent battle to conquer that. "I am not a hypocrite. Call me one and I will prove you wrong."
This is growing up. Knowing who you are. Realizing what you are doing wrong. Changing yourself before changing the world. I learned this in psychology. I did not expect to learn what I just did. I expected to read people's minds or some shiz (yes, I am kidding) but in the end, you see what you become as a result of what you decide to do with your life, where you are headed, where you will be.