chronological demise/renewal
i've been thinking and with my friend to catch me, i've realized i've totally handled the situation i am in entirely the wrong way. it's not really like me to be desperate and because of how lost i've felt, i've made less than conscious decisions with dealing with it. i should be enjoying myself and concentrating on my goals and what i want. i do admit that i really love her but it was her decision to walk this time and now it's her time to learn. i've learned what i wanted from this experience. my love is still there for her but my mind wants to keep moving, maybe somewhere there will be a place for her, but i'm not keeping any stock in that one. i have too much to worry about in myself than to sit and wonder what if. it's too late for that. i don't want anything from anyone besides friendship, but i know what i want for myself and i'm not going to let that go because of things i can't repair. it's time to cut some losses and live for me. will i always love her, yes...but she can try to figure that out later, which will most likely be never. i've made my peace.