Day 44: Sun Room (4th Shift)
As soon as she had the chance, Sheena ninja'd herself out of the cafeteria and away from the conversation she'd been semi-forced to have. She probably could have just clammed up and told the boys to go away, but she'd kind of owed at least Endrance some kind of explanation. It wasn't everyday the embodiment of darkness pops up and delivers a
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He stared at his brother for a moment, knowing that if he didn't say it now, he never would. Bringing this up? Not really something he'd planned, to say the least, and he knew that if he had half a chance to think about it next time, he'd keep his mouth shut.
Thinking about it further now, yeah, no, he shouldn't have gone there. Dean didn't need to deal with whatever personal crap Sam had accumulated. Even if it...kind of had to do with Dean, but he knew better than to think that that was all it was. Still-it was too late to take it back and he didn't know if he'd be making it worse or better by keeping it to himself now that Dean already knew that something was wrong in the first place. Even if his brother wasn't going to keep pushing now, Sam had started something and-it'd fester there. And sooner or later, one of them was gonna snap and if it came out then, it was going to definitely be worse.
Yeah, he probably was gonna make it worse either way.
He licked his lips and let out a slow breath. "It's not..." He hesitated, then pushed on, quiet but hurried, like if he took a second out to pause, he was gonna come to his senses about just how horrible of an idea this was and run away.
"It's-I just don't think everyone who decides they want to learn about what the hell it is they can do instead of hiding from it-" until everyone around them dies "-is automatically gonna turn into a monster, okay?"
Oh, goddamn it.
He swallowed, but didn't drop his gaze this time. Instead, he watched Dean warily, a part of him expecting that this was it, that Dean would know, just like that-and he thought: maybe he was sort of relieved, too. It wasn't like he didn't deserve whatever he had coming. Did it really matter whether it came now or later?
...
...Yeah. It kind of did.
About ten seconds too late, he realized that Dean had changed the subject. He couldn't decide if he was grateful or not, but at least it was familiar territory. When in doubt, talk about the hunt. He'd lost track of the amount of times Dad had finally snapped, Let's just go over this again, and in some ways, that change of topic tactic was one of the few things they'd ever agreed on. Sometimes not even then.
He frowned, still troubled, and feeling the urge to get away. "Skuld's filling our request tonight, so I'll have to find you after that. I, uh." He ran a hand through his hair. God, he was tired of this, wasting his time putting together this puzzle when he should've been doing other things. "I don't know. We still need those files, right?"
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But he kept his mouth shut.
Dammit, Sam hadn't forgotten about the files - apparently dying-but-not-really hadn't changed his mind about it, and for a brief second, Dean was annoyed that Sam could still keep his focus on stuff like that even in the middle of a fight; usually it was useful but right now? He wished his brother would space on things here and there like everyone else. Dean reached up, rubbing the back of his neck before dropping his hand and shrugging.
"Guess so. It'd help stick to whatever cover they got for us here," and Dean just barely resisted the urge to pointedly add unlike a certain someone, and went on, "I guess the battle plan will be we'll hook up in my room and check the doctor offices or something. Might have to split up to cover more offices though."
He had a pretty good feeling where his file was, but if he could get Sam off his back for a few minutes, he might be able to stash it away or at least get a look at it and see if it said anything about his deal. Maybe even buy him some time to rip it up. Dean was pretty sure he was gonna tell Sam anyway, but when he was ready, not 'cause some jacked up Institute threw some fake papers at his brother and started making him ask all these questions.
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At least they were agreed on the files. He thought they should check out the file rooms, too (they had to have been identified on those crudely drawn maps as file rooms for a reason, right?) and he wasn't all that comfortable with the idea of splitting up given their track record so far. Dean had been...not himself in one way or another twice, Sam had freaking died, and God knew what else could happen tonight.
But he'd argued enough with Dean for the day, so he decided to keep quiet. He just wanted to get out of here, clear his head before he did or said anything else he'd regret.
Besides, the patients were starting to get herded out now.
He sighed. "All right, I'll...see you tonight."
There was a half-second beat as he hesitated, feeling as if there was more he should say-knowing that there was more he should say-but he just turned around instead and left, slipping into a gap between two patients within the small group filing out the door.
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