Day 42: Callahan's Grocer [Evening]

[tsunagari]

[continued from here]Sai opened the door to the grocers for both of them and allowed Shikamaru to walk in first. This is where they'd find the bulletin board in town, and the ninja had a couple notes he thought it important to leave - one to warn the other ninja specifically, and one as a general warning. He hadn't seen anyone post something like

Comments

[iwascloned]

Spider became conscious of his surroundings just in time to avoid colliding with a rather large wall. Where was he? He was ... outside. That was unusual. The nurses had been saying something about a field trip earlier, he remembered, and he had taken a lot of ... something because he knew he wasn't going to be able to bring his drugs on the bus. And now he was here. It was evening. He was still wearing clothes, which - given the circumstances - was a surprise. And right in front of him, pulsing with evil energy, the name of the store he had almost run into glared at him

[iwascloned]

Spider stopped yelling mid-Lelouch and turned on the person addressing him. This must be Lelouch!

"I have successfully summoned you here," said Spider, "To conduct an interview, yes I have."

The journalist shot Lelouch an insane grin and bowed with altogether too much flourish.

"Spider Jerusalem, the Word. Now, question one: What do you plan to do once you've successfully mind controlled every weak-willed scumbag in this pestilential prison?"

[iwascloned]

Most journalists would tell you that the best way to conduct an interview is to become friends with the subject, to get them to confide in you the way they might confide in a trusted companion. Spider, on the other hand, had always found it more effective to insult his targets until they gave away something while defending themselves. He sneered.

"And this 'more efficient organization,' it wouldn't happen to have YOU as its supreme leader, would it?"

[iwascloned]

Spider snorted, grabbing a box of cereal from a nearby shelf.

"Qualifications never have anything to do with this particular flavor of bullshit. If you're not leading the coalition, who will be? You don't expect everyone to get in line and tapdance on their own, do you?"

Spider bit the cereal box thoughtfully then put it back on the shelf. Then he stared straight into Lelouch's eyes. It always helped to look into the eyes of the people he interviewed. Spider found he had an extremely reliable bullshit detector, and that it was visually based.

[iwascloned]

Spider scratched his bald head and chewed on his lip. This was one of those times when he really would've liked a cigarette to chew on. Maybe they had cigarettes in here somewhere. He scanned the shelves as he spoke to Lelouch.

"So let me get this straight ... you want to be elected supreme leader of all these squabbling factions, but you have a low enough opinion of yourself that you're willing to compromise. That's noble. Very noble."

Dammit. The cereal aisle was sorely lacking in tobacco products. And where were the good cereals, like Caribou-Bits and Double-Leopard Crunch? The past was utter shit. Satisfied that there was no cigarette-based cereal on the shelf, Spider once again made eye contact with Lelouch.

"I am willing to offer you my services."

[iwascloned]

"Ohhhhhhhhhhh!" Said spider, slapping himself loudly on the scalp. "Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You can do that truth-compelling thing, can't you? What else are you capable of doing to the unprotected brains of the masses? Are you ... ha ha ... You're not going to ... organize all the club leaders into one convenient body, and then MIND CONTROL THEM, are you? That would be craaaaaaaaaaazy! Hey, hey, don't wipe my memory for thinking of it. STAY OUT OF MY GODDAMN BRAIN

[iwascloned]

I neither would nor could do that.

Suuuuuuure. Maybe the second part was true. Spider had no idea exactly what Lelouch could and could not do. But he was certain that - given even half a chance - the kid would seize whatever power was handed to him. He hadn't even mastered the art of smiling to avert suspicion. This one had NO charisma. NONE! Nowhere NEAR the cleverest bastard Spider'd bumped skulls with. Callahan ... damned blasted cocksucking Callahan ...

Spider began idly tapping at the walls with his left fist as he spoke to Lelouch, looking for hollow spaces that might denote secret doors.

"I can dig into the writhing mass of teeth and hair and spit and lies that form the tangled tumor of secrets pulsing in the center of this place and fish you out whatever you desire. I notice there's not a lot of information going around about the outside of the institute. Maybe that would be a good place to start?"

[iwascloned]

"I wanted to go outside," said Spider, still rapping on the wall with his knuckles. "There's plenty of space out there for two investigators, but I assist NOBODY, and I do not take on assistants."

Harley was a special case. Harley and Channon. And Yelena. All special cases. Yes.

"But if I have to stay inside ... Mmm ... These clubs all reek of corruption and infighting. Someone must be responsible for that. Point me at one of them and I'll find the bastard in it. Could be useful if you're looking for some leverage ..."

Spider stopped tapping for a moment. Was that section of the wall hollow?

Tap Tap

...No.

"Or I can roam the halls looking for ... SECRET DOORS."