Night 53: F21-F30 Hallway

[windstwilight]

And that was just a weird jumble of nonsense. She wondered if that Marc guy knew anything about the name that Landel mentioned, or if it was just more bullshit being thrown around. She wouldn't doubt it. The girl shook her head, sighing a bit, and straightened, snagging her sword from its leaning position. Tucking it securely into her waist band,

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F21

[no_dont_go]

Aigis was feeling better after her talk with Kay. She was almost overly-bubbly, but it didn't both Aigis in the slightest. Now that she thought on it, she wondered if maybe the woman from lunch today had been trying to cheer her up in her own way. How kind everyone was, to an android such as her

F21

[foolishmessiah]

[from here]

Minato tilted his head to look at the number on the door, slipping his flashlight into his pack to free one hand. He didn't want to think too far ahead at the moment. All he wanted to concentrate on was that Aigis was here, and they had to talk. Or Aigis had to talk. ...Or neither of them would talk.

With that in mind, he knocked lightly on the door.

F21

[no_dont_go]

It could have been hours or minutes that passed as she sat waiting for Minato. She had sat completely unmoving, save for the occasional stroke she gave to Schrodinger. The knock on the door was startling, and pulled her out of her blank reverie. Someone was at the door. Was it too much for her to hope it would be him on the other side?

Quietly, she got up from the bed and placed the cat plushie down, then made her way to the door. Taking a deep breath, she reached forward and pulled on the handle.

And there he was. Aigis remained motionless, unsure of what to do. Something inside her wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch him. To make sure he was certainly, tangibly there in front of her. Another part said it was foolish and that logically he would have come. But it still felt almost like a dream.

"Minato-san..." she said at last, then stepped aside, allowing for him to enter the room. She didn't know what else to do at this point. She felt frozen and she dared not hope for anything.

F21

[foolishmessiah]

He was still holding his sword, evoker and mesh bag strapped to his waist with less finesse than he ever showed his school uniform or other Dark Hour gear. But his face was blank as he looked at Aigis, nodding in greeting before accepting her invitation into the room.

Anything he had wanted to say had evaporated from his mind. Here was someone who had been looked so upset and broken just yesterday, quietly allowing him inside. Maybe she felt obligated. Maybe it was a symbolic. Maybe that was just the part of his personality that had developed into Orpheus.

His free hand slipped into his pocket as he turned back to face Aigis. When he spoke, it was with a certain amount of caution. "How are you?"

F21

[no_dont_go]

He didn't leave, for which Aigis was thankful. She kept her eyes averted as he came inside. It was hard enough, knowing he was probably wasting his precious free time checking on her. He was too kind.

"I am f..." She stopped, took another breath, and started over. "I am fi... I am... I..."

Why was this suddenly so hard? She had been able to talk to Kay without problems before. But then again, she had been completely honest with Kay. Maybe that was why. She could not--no, should not lie. For that was what she had almost done. When had lying become part of her programming? When had she been allowed to speak in whatever way she wished?

Looking fully at Minato, her face blank, she forged ahead. This time without the impediment. "I am coping. It has been difficult. Much has happened since we last met face to face."

F21

[foolishmessiah]

As Aigis struggled through an answer, Minato stared at her with muted surprise. Was it that difficult to talk to him now? He could have come by tomorrow if she was having this much trouble. ...But he had insisted on this meeting, hadn't he?

A mental sigh. That's what he got for trying: awkward situations.

When he received a stutterless response, he nodded silently and fell into a more relaxed stance. This time, he allowed his expression to do the talking for him, his head tilted slightly in askance. What happened, Aigis?

F21

[no_dont_go]

Most of the others she had met today had used words to comfort her, but he had always been so quiet. But that was what made Minato special. He didn't need words to communicate. It was easy enough to see the question in his eyes and bearing

F21

[foolishmessiah]

It took a moment for Minato to properly process what he was hearing. He had known about what had happened last night; their notes to each other on the bulletin board had given him a pretty clear picture of what to expect. He had gone through the counseling too, with the evoker at his hip the only lasting physical reminder. It was difficult, knowing what you had done against your will, knowing that you had thought you were in the right state of mind at the time

F21

[no_dont_go]

He didn't say anything and for once Aigis wasn't sure if she could read his expression. She knew how he ought to be feeling, but his face contradicted her knowledge.

"Are you not angry?" She looked up from the plushie in her hands and into Minato's eyes. He didn't seem angry. Why wasn't he? "Do you not understand?"

What was the last date he remembered? She couldn't recall, but it had been after Ikutsuki's betrayal, hadn't it? He had already seen her at her worst. She had almost killed him and all the rest of their friends that night. She would have if something hadn't held her back, a flaw in her programming or a virus she hadn't been able to detect. She had fought back then and succeeded, holding strong until Koromaru had take the initiative and stolen the manual controls from Ikutsuki.

After an ordeal like that, fighting against deviant instructions should have been easier, but no. It was not the case. She dropped her gaze from him. Her chest burned. "Can't you see that I failed?"

F21

[foolishmessiah]

She was expecting a certain reaction out of him. Shame? Anger? Disappointment? None of those were on his mind, though. How could they be, when he was thinking about what she had gone through -- not just within the institute, but back in their world, too

F21

[no_dont_go]

She didn't expect for him to touch her, so it was with surprised that she returned her gaze to his. He seemed upset still. Not angry. And his words, they were too kind.

"I do not understand." She felt that almost painful pressure behind her eyes, like yesterday. She wanted to give in, but she would not allow it. Instead, she rooted herself in her resolve to remain neutral. She could not let it affect her any more. Her feelings could not hurt her if they were not real.

"I cannot help but believe I have become useless. This body is powerless." She hardened her expression. "Scrap metal."

F21

[foolishmessiah]

Minato's face did not change as he listened to how Aigis described herself. He couldn't hope to truly understand the transformation she had gone through, from a robotic body to a human one that apparently was accompanied by a truckload of tangled emotions.

His hands dropped down, but he remained directly in front of Aigis while he shook his head. She had to realized that, while her body had changed, it wasn't useless. She couldn't give up on herself like that and allow her body to be used against her.

"You aren't powerless." This went beyond her body and her physical strength; this was about her mindset and confidence, which he wanted to rebuild as best he could. But how? "You have to adapt."

He had almost slipped 'just' in there. You just have to adapt. But that would make it sound so easy, so simple. And if there was anything he understood from looking at Aigis now, it was that none of this would be easy or simple for her.

F21

[no_dont_go]

Adapt. A reasonable enough goal. It even sounded manageable when he said it that way, but she was unsure. Could she adapt to this kind of situation? This body... She had believed she had come to an understanding about it. But that was before, when even the simplest thing like eating seemed a miracle. Why did this false humanity have to become so stifling

F21

[foolishmessiah]

Doubt. It was all too common, especially here. Even he had been wrought with doubts here more often than back home, doubting what he was seeing, whether he had even met Mitsuru, whether Souji had been in the institute, whether Yukari had been "discharged" before she was "returned." He shut his eyes momentarily as he thought of an answer.

But what Aigis was doubting was an understanding of what human emotions were. And maybe it was the fact that he was human--perhaps he took his humanity for granted--but he found there was no easy answer this time.

So it is a longer silence than usual. He regards his friend thoughtfully once he opens his eyes again, his voice quiet.

"You shouldn't 'wear' an expression. Everything you feel makes up your expression." Confusion, anger, distress, frustration, grief, self-pity, doubt. Clarity, acceptance, determination, hope. "Feelings are complex."

The understatement of all humanity.

F21

[no_dont_go]

He took his time to answer. Long silences were common with Minato though, so Aigis was not put off but his contemplation. In fact, it was almost fitting to have to wait for an answer. She had been carrying this question for a long time, longer than she probably even realized, perhaps even before she had come here

F21

[foolishmessiah]

Minato nodded as he listened to Aigis think about the process aloud. Emotions could be formulaic in some instances, which was something Aigis could appreciate, but there would be "variables" that made human emotion less predictable and more ... chaotic. Mood swings, strong feelings, resolutions. In his mind's eye, he could still see the physical representations of his friends' growth--the ascension of their Personas.

For a moment, he was distracted by the wayward thought of what had happened to Aigis' Persona. But he quickly dismissed the thought so he could focus on responding. She was looking at him, after all, with a tentative smile.

He wanted to assure her that things would be okay and make that smile a little stronger. So he smiled as he spoke.

"You never stop learning how to be human." He was just sorry this place was where she had to experience so many of the negative aspects, which in turn made his smile wry. "You just received a crash course."