(no subject)
Title: Do You Know What Your Sin Is? (2/7)
Author:
damn_hero_zoe with the assistance of the lovely
vigotmanpartsv
Pairing: Zoe/Jayne
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,842
Prompt: Envy
Spoilers: Post-BDM
Things were a little awkward between Zoë and Jayne after the incident with the towel. Despite this, or maybe because of it, Zoë began to watch Jayne. She watched him on the job, admiring his technique. She watched him on the ship, though not working out anymore. She learned her lesson the last time. But she saw how he was with the crew. She also noticed how he was different in his care of Kaylee.
She noticed how he changed when she walked into the room. How he teased her. It soon became obvious to Zoë that Jayne had a crush on Kaylee. And that didn't sit well with her. She told herself that she didn't think he'd be good for her, that they wouldn't mesh well. She didn't tell herself that she was jealous. How could she be?
What little Zoë had improved since losing Wash was quickly vanishing. Part of her told her that she shouldn't have gone and developed a thing for Jayne. She usually told this part of her to shut up. But it was right. She had let him and he liked Kaylee.
She sat in the galley, cleaning her sawed off. She took it apart carefully, using the menial task to keep her mind off other things. She polished it until it gleamed, each and every tiny piece. She was lost in the task.
Jayne came in from the cargo bay, having just worked out, towel around his neck. He took note of Zoë, sitting, engrossed in her task. He went to the sink to refill his water bottle when a loud string of swear words could be heard from the engine room. They both looked up and Jayne dropped the bottle, heading for the door.
"Ya al'right, Kaylee?" he called as he moved. Zoë saw the look of concern on his face. She couldn't help the pained feeling in her chest. She did her best to ignore it and listen to hear is Kaylee was okay. She figured she would be.
"Fine, Jayne. Small cut from this gorram piece of junk." The sound of something metal connecting with a foot was heard. Jayne emerged from the hallway a moment later with Kaylee and took her to the sink to wash her finger.
Zoë watched them, watched the care on Jayne's face, the gentle way he looked at her finger. Would he be that way if she had gotten hurt? Zoë pushed it from her mind, returning to her gun. She sat there and rubbed at one of the hinges until it gleamed and continued rubbing it, trying not to look hurt. She looked up again when she heard footsteps.
Simon walked in and immediately pushed Jayne to the side. "Let me see it." He examined it quickly. "Let's get this cleaned up right." The doctor led Kaylee from the room and she tossed a grateful look over her shoulder at Jayne. Zoë saw the hurt on Jayne's face plain as day and it mirrored the pain in her heart.
He watched her go and Zoë watched him. He went back to the sink and filling his water bottle, muttering something she couldn't make out under his breath. Kaylee's peal of giggles echoed through the ship. Jayne stormed out of the mess and returned a very short while later, changed and with Vera. He sat down and began to take her apart, obviously cleaning his weapon for the same reason Zoë was.
'Why does he like Kaylee? She's got the doctor, who obviously takes care of her. Who do I have? No one.' Zoë furiously rubbed at her sawed off. 'I'm attractive.'
Jayne started picking at the trigger, cleaning the little grooves. 'Why is it tha the gorram wimmen on this boat don' see me? I'm here. Strong. Can take car'a them. S'wha's tha problem?' He looked up at Zoë, noting her concentration. ‘She dun’ let anythin’ git ta her. Damn lucky woman.’ He looked back down to Vera.
Zoë started to reassemble her gun, determination making the pain and confusion in her face. 'Well, if he's too gorram blind to see me, shouldn't be thinking on him.' She looked up at him, saw the concentration in his face. ‘Man wouldn’t know someone felt anything for him unless she was standing naked as a jay bird in front of him.’ She sighed exasperatedly and went back to work.
He looked up at her as she sighed. How she remained so focused, he’d never know. He reached for one of her brushes, a smaller one, for getting all the crevices. She looked up at him. "What the hell you think you're doing, Jayne?"
He looked up, confused by her outburst. "Borrowin' a brush. Dun’ we always share?"
She gave him a look, one that radiated annoyance, but not at his borrowing, at his lack of common sense to see how he affected her. At his obvious blindness. He didn't seem to get it.
"Wha?" She wordlessly thrust the brush in his general direction and turned back to her gun and putting it together. He grumbled under his breath, but she ignored it.
Mal walked into the mess, saw the looks and had heard Zoë snapping. “Whatcha do to annoy the go se outta my first mate, Jayne?”
“Dun do nothing, Mal. Juss’ tryin’ ta clean Vera.”
“Not what it sounded like ta me. Zoë? He causing trouble?” Mal crossed his arms and looked at Zoë.
‘No, Mal, just ‘causing heartache.’ “No more so than usual, sir.” She looked at Jayne and then back to her gun.
“Wey! Tha’ ain’t fair, Zo’. Juss’ cuz ya in a bad mood an’ dun wanna share yer clean’ supplies dun mean I’m bein’ trouble.” He looked fairly disgruntled.
“Jayne. You leave Zoë alone.” Mal looked at Jayne with a look that said, ‘You mess with her and I’ll space ya.’
Jayne opened his mouth to speak and then thought better of it. He looked down at Vera and went back to cleaning her, missing the glare Zoë shot in Mal’s direction, causing him to retreat from the mess, scratching his head.. ‘Mus’ be nice ta have sumone ta look out fer ya like that. Ta have sumone watchin’ yer back. Mal’s lucky. Got Zoë lookin’ out fer him, him looking out fer her. I look out fer her, but other than on tha job, dun think she’s looking out fer me. Neva gonna see me as nuthin’ but a teammate. Neva anythin’ more.’
Zoë looked up at Jayne again. ‘Why doesn’t he see it? How can he be that blind?’ She sighed again and looked back to her weapon, seeing she put one of the hinges back in wrong. She took it apart again.
“Ya alright, Zo?”
‘Oh, sure, now he pays attention.’ “Fine, Jayne.” She didn’t look up at him.
“Ya juss’ seem outta sorts.” He seemed genuinely concerned as he put Vera down to look at her.
“I’m fine, Jayne,” she repeated through clenched teeth. ‘Just leave me alone, Jayne. I don’t want to do this now.’
“Ya know, iffen ya wanted ta talk, I’m here.”
“Don’t wanna talk, Jayne. Got nothing to talk about.” She was rubbing hard at the hinges, making them shine again, rubbing away her fingerprints, really trying to rub away the pain in her chest.
'Wha' the hell is her gorram problem?' He scrubbed Vera until she was shining, gleaming. And even then, he screwed up his face, trying to ignore the death looks Zoë threw him. He finished cleaning Vera quickly, not wanting to be in the same room as her any more. It was driving him nuts.
He got up and put the brush with the rest of hers and left the mess. Zoë had just finished putting her sawed off together and watched his retreating back. She was alone again and she sighed heavily. She lowered her head onto her crossed arms on the table and closed her eyes. What was she doing? Why had she snapped at him? 'Well, jealousy makes you do stupid things and yelling at the man you like is pretty gorram stupid.'
She picked up her gun and supplies and left the mess. She put her things back in her bunk and sat on her bed for a few moments. She just needed to clear her head. All this was just in her head. That's all.
Meanwhile, Jayne ventured back into the galley with a bottle of whiskey. Zoë climbed up out of her bunk and headed to the mess, thinking a cup of tea would calm her some. She saw Jayne and nearly turned and left. But she couldn't do that. She took a deep breath and pushed her thoughts regarding Jayne and his affection for Kaylee from her mind. She walked in and put on water to boil. She looked up at him and he nodded at her. She offered him a tight-lipped smile.
As the water boiled, Mal strolled into the mess. “Zoë, need you to go over the cargo again. Got an uneasy feeling and I want things to go smooth when we land.” She looked up at him and turned the burner off. Her tea would just have to wait.
“Yes, sir.” He handed her the inventory list and she headed down to the cargo bay, glad for an excuse to do something with her hands and her head, keeping her mind off other things.
Jayne looked at Zoë, noting how she dropped what she was doing to do what Mal wanted her to do. If he told her to jump, she’d probably ask how high on the way up. Jayne shook his head. He’d never understand why Zoë followed all of Mal’s orders.
Zoë returned a short while later and went back to making tea. Jayne was still sitting there, sour look on his face. She wondered if he was thinking about Kaylee.
He wasn’t. He was wondering about Zoë, why she followed Mal the way she did. Wondering if Wash wondered the same thing. He’d always thought the little man was the luckiest man in the ‘verse. He wondered if Wash knew it. Or did he question it when he saw Mal and Zoë together.
As Zoë poured the water into the mug, Kaylee and Simon walked into the galley, arms around each other. Zoë saw Jayne's hand tighten around his glass. Not for the reason she thought, however. He wanted what Simon and Kaylee had, love, someone to wake up next to in the morning.
Zoë swallowed thickly and picked up her mug and retreated back to her bunk. She sat at her desk and put her head in her hands. 'Just don't let it bother you.' Easier said than done. Zoë wiped away the tear that had slid down her cheek. No, she wasn't going to allow herself to cry over Jayne. Not at all. Not at all.
Maybe just this once, in the safety and solitude of her bunk. She wouldn't do it again. Never again.
Cross-posted to
7_deadly_sins_,
mercandthemate, and my own journal.
Author:
damn_hero_zoe with the assistance of the lovely
vigotmanpartsv
Pairing: Zoe/Jayne
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,842
Prompt: Envy
Spoilers: Post-BDM
Things were a little awkward between Zoë and Jayne after the incident with the towel. Despite this, or maybe because of it, Zoë began to watch Jayne. She watched him on the job, admiring his technique. She watched him on the ship, though not working out anymore. She learned her lesson the last time. But she saw how he was with the crew. She also noticed how he was different in his care of Kaylee.
She noticed how he changed when she walked into the room. How he teased her. It soon became obvious to Zoë that Jayne had a crush on Kaylee. And that didn't sit well with her. She told herself that she didn't think he'd be good for her, that they wouldn't mesh well. She didn't tell herself that she was jealous. How could she be?
What little Zoë had improved since losing Wash was quickly vanishing. Part of her told her that she shouldn't have gone and developed a thing for Jayne. She usually told this part of her to shut up. But it was right. She had let him and he liked Kaylee.
She sat in the galley, cleaning her sawed off. She took it apart carefully, using the menial task to keep her mind off other things. She polished it until it gleamed, each and every tiny piece. She was lost in the task.
Jayne came in from the cargo bay, having just worked out, towel around his neck. He took note of Zoë, sitting, engrossed in her task. He went to the sink to refill his water bottle when a loud string of swear words could be heard from the engine room. They both looked up and Jayne dropped the bottle, heading for the door.
"Ya al'right, Kaylee?" he called as he moved. Zoë saw the look of concern on his face. She couldn't help the pained feeling in her chest. She did her best to ignore it and listen to hear is Kaylee was okay. She figured she would be.
"Fine, Jayne. Small cut from this gorram piece of junk." The sound of something metal connecting with a foot was heard. Jayne emerged from the hallway a moment later with Kaylee and took her to the sink to wash her finger.
Zoë watched them, watched the care on Jayne's face, the gentle way he looked at her finger. Would he be that way if she had gotten hurt? Zoë pushed it from her mind, returning to her gun. She sat there and rubbed at one of the hinges until it gleamed and continued rubbing it, trying not to look hurt. She looked up again when she heard footsteps.
Simon walked in and immediately pushed Jayne to the side. "Let me see it." He examined it quickly. "Let's get this cleaned up right." The doctor led Kaylee from the room and she tossed a grateful look over her shoulder at Jayne. Zoë saw the hurt on Jayne's face plain as day and it mirrored the pain in her heart.
He watched her go and Zoë watched him. He went back to the sink and filling his water bottle, muttering something she couldn't make out under his breath. Kaylee's peal of giggles echoed through the ship. Jayne stormed out of the mess and returned a very short while later, changed and with Vera. He sat down and began to take her apart, obviously cleaning his weapon for the same reason Zoë was.
'Why does he like Kaylee? She's got the doctor, who obviously takes care of her. Who do I have? No one.' Zoë furiously rubbed at her sawed off. 'I'm attractive.'
Jayne started picking at the trigger, cleaning the little grooves. 'Why is it tha the gorram wimmen on this boat don' see me? I'm here. Strong. Can take car'a them. S'wha's tha problem?' He looked up at Zoë, noting her concentration. ‘She dun’ let anythin’ git ta her. Damn lucky woman.’ He looked back down to Vera.
Zoë started to reassemble her gun, determination making the pain and confusion in her face. 'Well, if he's too gorram blind to see me, shouldn't be thinking on him.' She looked up at him, saw the concentration in his face. ‘Man wouldn’t know someone felt anything for him unless she was standing naked as a jay bird in front of him.’ She sighed exasperatedly and went back to work.
He looked up at her as she sighed. How she remained so focused, he’d never know. He reached for one of her brushes, a smaller one, for getting all the crevices. She looked up at him. "What the hell you think you're doing, Jayne?"
He looked up, confused by her outburst. "Borrowin' a brush. Dun’ we always share?"
She gave him a look, one that radiated annoyance, but not at his borrowing, at his lack of common sense to see how he affected her. At his obvious blindness. He didn't seem to get it.
"Wha?" She wordlessly thrust the brush in his general direction and turned back to her gun and putting it together. He grumbled under his breath, but she ignored it.
Mal walked into the mess, saw the looks and had heard Zoë snapping. “Whatcha do to annoy the go se outta my first mate, Jayne?”
“Dun do nothing, Mal. Juss’ tryin’ ta clean Vera.”
“Not what it sounded like ta me. Zoë? He causing trouble?” Mal crossed his arms and looked at Zoë.
‘No, Mal, just ‘causing heartache.’ “No more so than usual, sir.” She looked at Jayne and then back to her gun.
“Wey! Tha’ ain’t fair, Zo’. Juss’ cuz ya in a bad mood an’ dun wanna share yer clean’ supplies dun mean I’m bein’ trouble.” He looked fairly disgruntled.
“Jayne. You leave Zoë alone.” Mal looked at Jayne with a look that said, ‘You mess with her and I’ll space ya.’
Jayne opened his mouth to speak and then thought better of it. He looked down at Vera and went back to cleaning her, missing the glare Zoë shot in Mal’s direction, causing him to retreat from the mess, scratching his head.. ‘Mus’ be nice ta have sumone ta look out fer ya like that. Ta have sumone watchin’ yer back. Mal’s lucky. Got Zoë lookin’ out fer him, him looking out fer her. I look out fer her, but other than on tha job, dun think she’s looking out fer me. Neva gonna see me as nuthin’ but a teammate. Neva anythin’ more.’
Zoë looked up at Jayne again. ‘Why doesn’t he see it? How can he be that blind?’ She sighed again and looked back to her weapon, seeing she put one of the hinges back in wrong. She took it apart again.
“Ya alright, Zo?”
‘Oh, sure, now he pays attention.’ “Fine, Jayne.” She didn’t look up at him.
“Ya juss’ seem outta sorts.” He seemed genuinely concerned as he put Vera down to look at her.
“I’m fine, Jayne,” she repeated through clenched teeth. ‘Just leave me alone, Jayne. I don’t want to do this now.’
“Ya know, iffen ya wanted ta talk, I’m here.”
“Don’t wanna talk, Jayne. Got nothing to talk about.” She was rubbing hard at the hinges, making them shine again, rubbing away her fingerprints, really trying to rub away the pain in her chest.
'Wha' the hell is her gorram problem?' He scrubbed Vera until she was shining, gleaming. And even then, he screwed up his face, trying to ignore the death looks Zoë threw him. He finished cleaning Vera quickly, not wanting to be in the same room as her any more. It was driving him nuts.
He got up and put the brush with the rest of hers and left the mess. Zoë had just finished putting her sawed off together and watched his retreating back. She was alone again and she sighed heavily. She lowered her head onto her crossed arms on the table and closed her eyes. What was she doing? Why had she snapped at him? 'Well, jealousy makes you do stupid things and yelling at the man you like is pretty gorram stupid.'
She picked up her gun and supplies and left the mess. She put her things back in her bunk and sat on her bed for a few moments. She just needed to clear her head. All this was just in her head. That's all.
Meanwhile, Jayne ventured back into the galley with a bottle of whiskey. Zoë climbed up out of her bunk and headed to the mess, thinking a cup of tea would calm her some. She saw Jayne and nearly turned and left. But she couldn't do that. She took a deep breath and pushed her thoughts regarding Jayne and his affection for Kaylee from her mind. She walked in and put on water to boil. She looked up at him and he nodded at her. She offered him a tight-lipped smile.
As the water boiled, Mal strolled into the mess. “Zoë, need you to go over the cargo again. Got an uneasy feeling and I want things to go smooth when we land.” She looked up at him and turned the burner off. Her tea would just have to wait.
“Yes, sir.” He handed her the inventory list and she headed down to the cargo bay, glad for an excuse to do something with her hands and her head, keeping her mind off other things.
Jayne looked at Zoë, noting how she dropped what she was doing to do what Mal wanted her to do. If he told her to jump, she’d probably ask how high on the way up. Jayne shook his head. He’d never understand why Zoë followed all of Mal’s orders.
Zoë returned a short while later and went back to making tea. Jayne was still sitting there, sour look on his face. She wondered if he was thinking about Kaylee.
He wasn’t. He was wondering about Zoë, why she followed Mal the way she did. Wondering if Wash wondered the same thing. He’d always thought the little man was the luckiest man in the ‘verse. He wondered if Wash knew it. Or did he question it when he saw Mal and Zoë together.
As Zoë poured the water into the mug, Kaylee and Simon walked into the galley, arms around each other. Zoë saw Jayne's hand tighten around his glass. Not for the reason she thought, however. He wanted what Simon and Kaylee had, love, someone to wake up next to in the morning.
Zoë swallowed thickly and picked up her mug and retreated back to her bunk. She sat at her desk and put her head in her hands. 'Just don't let it bother you.' Easier said than done. Zoë wiped away the tear that had slid down her cheek. No, she wasn't going to allow herself to cry over Jayne. Not at all. Not at all.
Maybe just this once, in the safety and solitude of her bunk. She wouldn't do it again. Never again.
Cross-posted to
7_deadly_sins_,
mercandthemate, and my own journal.