yes, i'm complaining again
so what was i thinking? already in a fragile frame of mind, i go out and buy a magazine filled with frail beauties and designer clothing. i look at their perfect faces, their glossy hair, their long limbs and i think, "why do i even bother? why the hell do i bother?" that's their world, the world of beauty, of perfection, of glamour. i'm just anna. don't even want the capital at the start of my name because it makes it seem like it means something. i should stop buying clothes cause they'll only ever make me realise how inadequate i am. i'll never look like them. and i know you're all thinking "anna, that's a good thing. you don't want to look like those fake, superficial celebrities", but i do. i'm insecure. i hate my body. and what makes it all so much worse is that for a short while sometimes i manage to convince myself that i could be beautiful, so that when i get back to reality and see that i'm hideous, it hurts all the more.
i didn't even want to leave the house today to do the shopping that mum asked me to do, because i can just hear all the people on the streets looking at me and thinking "god, that poor girl, she should have plastic surgery or something". i can see the girls my age staring and sniggering at my feeble attempts to hide my ugliness while they parade down the street in their skinny jeans and whatever. i look at them and think, who the hell am i kidding, trying to tell myself that i look better with more weight on me? i want my skinny self back. how can people possibly think i look better like this?
ok, so my boobs are a bit bigger and that's nice.
but my thighs are enormous!!!
god, what's the point...
i didn't even want to leave the house today to do the shopping that mum asked me to do, because i can just hear all the people on the streets looking at me and thinking "god, that poor girl, she should have plastic surgery or something". i can see the girls my age staring and sniggering at my feeble attempts to hide my ugliness while they parade down the street in their skinny jeans and whatever. i look at them and think, who the hell am i kidding, trying to tell myself that i look better with more weight on me? i want my skinny self back. how can people possibly think i look better like this?
ok, so my boobs are a bit bigger and that's nice.
but my thighs are enormous!!!
god, what's the point...