The Chronciles of Disaffection and Heartbreak part 10: Is fate really telling me im all hype?
AS this trip comes to a close, and the fuckfest of Marc and Nicole ends for the moment (thank god) I found myself with more questions then answers from no less my good friend Marc. Marc does like being there but he's a straight shooter at all times. If something is fucked up he'll tell you no matter the consequnce cause simply put he believes the truth will save you no matter the blow. Case in point today, we were talking about things and he told me this quote "If things are happening worse and worse although you seem to try harder and harder to make things better, maybe, just maybe, fate is telling you that you are hype." Now, coming from him that knows me pretty well, that obvivously made me think. As we speak, I find myself questioning every little part of me. He's telling me that excluding 3 people no one else gives a flying fuck if you die the next second. The rule of 3 as he calls it. I don't know if I should believe him. Not because of the fact that alot of people are heartless, but again, maybe I haven't done enough on my part. I fucked up a friendship with kim that as we speak im trying to mend. Ever since the whole Sara situation I haven't gotten back to my comfort area. It as then I was thinking "Maybe I am all hype." He did say that for the most part, it's not my wrong doing. Just the simple fact that I'm "The blindest motherfucker he's ever seen with the worst possible outcome of fate that won't kill you." So in essence he saying that I'm fucked. I knew that. I mean I have a serious sex addiction that stems from my anger and depression problems. Ironically, Im a fucking virgin with a damn sex addiction in which I can do nothing about..and im talking about my virginity part. Great, hey are arguing now, which only means they'll fuck soon. Just like the quote says "Everyone else has had more sex then me."
Well Im crying now. Once again, music takes me over the limit. This song is amazing, just came on after Ill nino...Edgewater "Circles" Say what you want, I have a fuckin emotional problem. But I do know that my friends..some of them..just know how to be there..they deserve the fuckin world damnit. I wish I could give it to them. They deserve to be happier then I do right now. I just wish..socially wise..everything was so fucking easy. Cause then...then Ill be that great friend I say and try to be..
Till we meet again mt dear, my looming death will be near..
Tim
Well Im crying now. Once again, music takes me over the limit. This song is amazing, just came on after Ill nino...Edgewater "Circles" Say what you want, I have a fuckin emotional problem. But I do know that my friends..some of them..just know how to be there..they deserve the fuckin world damnit. I wish I could give it to them. They deserve to be happier then I do right now. I just wish..socially wise..everything was so fucking easy. Cause then...then Ill be that great friend I say and try to be..
Till we meet again mt dear, my looming death will be near..
Tim